Tag Archives: surrender

All of You

Matthew 10:39
If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.

Today, the ministry is beginning.  I do not have the website just yet up and running but things are in the works.  The books are at the publishers, awaiting the final touches and the last bit of money to get them published.  I assure you all matters are in God’s hands and He will be faithful to provide ALL of my needs.  Today I reflect on what I have given up in surrender and I am wondering who else among God’s people are ready to push forward and allow God to be their all and all?

There once was a moment when I knew God was there for me, but I did not allow Him to take care of me like I do now.  I was a big girl and I was going to raise my kids and change my husband and do all this things I thought I needed to do, until I realized it had nothing to do with me but everything to do with God.  Just like everyone else I faced challenges (still do) and I took each one on as a walk in the valley or a grueling climb up the mountain getting stressed out and feeling as if I was getting nowhere.  Just the same cycle over and over again, never really making a difference in my life to have a better relationship with God.

When my life stopped three years ago and I surrendered it all to God, the amazing things began to happen.  I was separated from my husband so as not to go through the motions anymore, doing things I just did not want to be a part of.  I received my new smile, only after I surrendered it all to God in a moment of despair.  Both my kids have graduated from school and beginning their own lives.  I was promoted at work.  My books are about to be published, my ministry is starting and I am more free than I have ever been! Why?  Because I have finally put God first in my life above all else.

This means I have given God my life, my family, my job and my ministry.  I have allowed Him to work on behalf and do all the things I thought I had to have control over.  WHAT A RELIEF!!  Now I am happy and free.  My attitude has changed and I feel He is using me in ways I never thought would be possible.  I spent 18 years running around in circles and now that I have let go and let God, He has done more in 3 years time then I ever thought possible.  Now instead of the valleys and the mountain climbing, He has set me upon the mountain top and I get to soar with the eagles while He is moving and working through me, How Awesome is That?

I encourage you to choose to give it all to God right now.  Stop trying to do it all and getting frustrated, instead choose to give Him everything you have, focus your eyes on Jesus and rise above your current circumstances knowing that the God who loves you is in control!


It’s In Silence

Psalm 5:3
Listen to my voice in the morning, LORD. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.

As I wait in silence, I hear You. As my spirit begins the climb to the mountain top, I feel You. The closer I get to You, the more of Your glory I see. I have tasted of Your goodness and I know You are good. As the aroma of heaven begins to increase, I just spread my wings and soar like the eagle, secure in Your presence. Thank You Father for creating me just as I am so that I may experience fully the magnitude of Your Love, for sometimes it takes all of my senses working together to get me to that place of Perfect Peace In You.

I wrote the above paragraph this morning as I awaited leaving for church.  As I sat in silence just waiting to move, God spoke to me in reference to what He has shown me last night during worship.  I feel I went to a new level as I stood at the altar in total surrender.  Feeling as if I was just climbing the mountain and things were just fading away.  Finally at the top I was able to let go and soar like the eagle.  It was such an amazing experience.

How did I get to that place?  It has taken time.  Lots of time.  It has taken surrendering myself time after time to seek the things of God.  Most of all it took me stepping out of my flesh realm and gliding into the spirit realm, allowing my spirit man to meandering into a moment of peace not understood by many.  Getting to the mountain top alone is a blessing but the bliss that comes from opening your wings and soaring is indescribable.

It is in that place of perfect peace that I could clearly hear God speaking life to me.  I have not a care of the world for I am lost in Gods perfectness.  I LOVE that feeling and I cannot wait until I find myself in that realm again.  All it takes is some quiet time and focus…two things I often do not find.  I long to be in His presence and it becomes so real while I am there.

It is His desire to spend time with us and standing there in His throne room is a pretty grand place to be if you like peace and joy!

Joy is in the Giving Up

Psalm 30:5
For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.

Do you see the shadows in the photo above?  Can you make a guess and be almost 100% sure that they are shadows from a tree?  Does your mind confirm this deduction?  Well as I pondered this picture, I looked at it from a faith stand point, and based on some amazing recent events, I think I can wrap my brain around this point I am trying to make.  If you were to see this photo in a museum you would just take it for granted that is a shadow picture and perhaps not think any more about it, but let’s look at it from a Christain stand point for a moment.

We know that God exists.  We know He does great wonders and healings.  We trust Him to work in our lives, yet we do not see Him.  At times we can feel His presence or witness Him working among us, but not a physical appearance of God.  This is how we should see God, like the shadows.  Even though we cannot see the tree in this photo, we know there is a tree, why cannot we not apply this more often to they way God is?

If we acknowledge there is a God that we cannot see, then why sometimes can we not believe in Him when it just the shadows we see.  If we see the shadows (the healings, the blessings, the miracles) then why do we not fully believe God for all things?  No matter what God is doing, He leaves His shadow so that He may be glorified.  As Christians we should be walking in His shadow knowing that He is right in front of us all along.  This was confirmed to me just yesterday, when it should have been with me all along.

I have two books waiting to be published, yet I have been waiting on God for the provision to get them started.  As I have been waiting, I began to feel as if it never was going to happen.  I also thought the funds would come from somewhere else and I had this all planned out for God.  Last night a man handed me $600 to publish my books and another man from across the world is covering the rest of the expenses.  I really thought the funds would come from my new position at work and the possibility of bonuses, which just did not seem to be happening.  It was if I walked outside of the shadow of God and was trying to  do things on my own.

Just like my dentures, it took me stepping out in faith and right back into the shadow of God for God to move.  I cannot tell you how often my blessings have come when I have surrendered it all, grabbed the hand of God and walked in His shadow, letting Him do all the provision.  So now, I am counting on God again for transportation (my poor van is old) and I am just letting it go.  As before I would fret because my credit is bad and how was I going to afford it, now instead I eagerly await car shopping with my dad tomorrow, knowing the God has already provided for me as I stand in His shadow.


All Things New Part Two

Philippians 1:6

New Living Translation (NLT)

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Just an update!  Things went well today and I cry each time I look in the mirror and see what He has done for me!!  I am forever grateful for whomever stepped out in faith and financed getting my teeth restored!  I just want to send a short message about hope and restoration.

You may feel as I did, embarrassed to do things for God because of my appearance.  I want to be a public speaker but felt inadequate to do so because of my broken teeth.  Well, I can assure you that God will use you anyways, but all I had to do was surrender it all to God and He began a work in my life.  I am here, a product of a blessing, tell each of you reading this:  NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!!  God can restore things in your life no matter what they are if only you step out in FAITH.  Surrender your needs.  Give them all to God and go!  Go about your daily life and trust that the moment you let it go, God took control!

I will never be able to explain the joy of seeing my smile in the mirror for the first time today.  I cried.  I wept.  I was thankful.  I had an attitude of gratitude.  I was praising God for what He just did in my life. You too can feel this love God wants to pour upon you!  You may also bask in the Father’s loving know you are His favored child and He desires the best this world can offer for you!  All you have to do is surrender!  Surrender!  Surrender!  I am in the midst of publishing two books and creating my own website.  I would tell you the name but until I get the website purchased, I want to keep it a surprise.  I know God already as the financing planned out and I just need to wait on Him before I make a move.

God is willing do love on you…are you willing to let Him?

If It Takes Time Behind Bars

“My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20 NLT

Ever wonder what God is up to?  It never ceases to amaze me the crazy stories I hear about those who have come to know the Lord.  Sometimes the way God works things out is nothing like we planned it out to be.  We are often puzzled by the happenings we witness around us all the time.  My life has been no different. Yes, I made some bad choices along the way, but God turns all things to good for His glory.  This is happening right now in my life and as I sit in a period of rest, God is doing all these things on my behalf.  Let me be real with you here for a moment on this early Easter morning as we focus on resurrection time.  This is a time for renewal.  A time for new beginnings.  A time to see just how alive in Christ we are.

As I sit here I can tell you I am at rest.  I am doing nothing to force God into moving.  I am in surrender and in worship mode.  I have completely just let things happen in my life in the last few weeks and it has been amazing to watch God at work.  My book is finished and being edited.  Nothing I can do here but wait.  I just received a promotion at work to General Manager.  I knew I was being considered but they only let me know like two weeks ago.  I was told I would be attending Hamburger University in August so I thought I had all summer to prove whether I deserved the position or not. Nope, they told me this Tuesday I was acting General Manager as of that past Sunday.  Here again, nothing I did, just waiting and being obedient.  The house situation, I laugh at this one.  They lowered the price to $100,000, we have a possible buyer in mind for my dads house and we feel we are to just scrap out the trailer.  Once more, God is in control because I let it go.

Now, here is the icing on the cake.  Some may feel differently about this, yet I know that I know that I know it is God at work this very moment.  There is so much God in this part of the story I probably can’t even explain it all in words.  I have surrendered my marriage.  Through soaking prayer, I have let my husband be released to God and I am married to Jesus.  Clearly Jesus is taking care of my every need and providing the things I am in need of.  Meanwhile, God is doing a work in my husband. This by far is the saddest part of my rest period but I feel it will be the one which brings the most joy.  My husband is currently in the county jail waiting sentencing.  He has been charged with forced entry and burglary.  I do not know all the circumstances but according to the police officer I spoke with it must be pretty serious since the judge placed a $100,000 bond for him.

The timing for this situation is not favorable.  Those who have read my Day of Deliverance know that on April 13th, 2009, my daughter’s 15th birthday my husband tried to commit suicide while strung out on several drugs.  This situation comes 10 days before my daughter turns 18 which means if he is convicted of this crime, he will not only miss her birthday but also prom, graduation and her open house.  Yet with all of this I am at peace knowing this is an answer to prayer.  Not long after my husband and I were separated I had two different times of people praying over our family and it was prophesied that my husband would come to know the Lord through going to prison.  Since what he is being charged with is a felony, this could be it.  I cannot pretend to know what God is up to, however restoration is one of the promises He gave to me.

To further my excitement, at an Easter drama last night at a nearby church, God moved me in my spirit to write Brian’s name on one of my business cards and I was able to give it to a member of Teen Challenge (the place where Brian is suppose to go to find healing) and then my friend had me fill out a prayer request which I thought was weird since I do not attend that church and God was already at work.  I filled it out anyways and gave it to the pastor, I giggled a little inside when his exact words were, ” I will make sure this gets to our jail ministry persons.”  I so know God is at work and the fire in my belly is such a comfort. God is true to keep His promises and as I am in this rest period I am content knowing God is in control and there is nothing I have to do but be obedient in my surrender.

Looking For the Cliff

Romans 1:12
When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.

Faith is unseen.  It is something we hope for.  Basically it is something we just are confused about.  Moving in faith means that from the moment you put yourself in the position to jump, you are surrendering yourself.  You, in that one moment of movement, are letting it all go and trusting the unseen around you to catch you if you fall or to work on your behalf while in the process of jumping.  Once you land back on your feet, everything seems to have just fallen back into place and your feet are set in motion to move forward in a new adventure.  Using your faith is like getting to the end of cliff situation in your life and jumping, letting God carry you across the great divide to place you gently in the direction you should go.  This is almost exactly how it happened with me the night God showed me how to take a leap of faith and trust Him completely.

Now, I don’t want to give away a lot of my book before it comes out, however, it is relevant that I share this tidbit with you tonight.  As I was sitting in a hospital room while my overdosed-on-drugs husband was literally fighting to live, I had to ask myself some questions:  Do I want to just keep quiet and go on with this type of lifestyle?  If I tell the nurse what repercussion will come from Brian? Did I trust God enough to take care of me if I made the choice to explain what was really happening?  At this point in my walk with God, I had been mentored by a pastor friend and we were listening to God intently.  As I sat in that room listening to the raspy sound of my husband fighting to breath and watching the heart monitor nearly stopping at times, I decided to take a huge leap of faith.  I chose in that one moment of time to trust God like I had never done before.  I stood up, got in the ready position and just jumped.

After telling the nurse about the 18 years of drug abuse and what we had been through in the last year, all fear left me.  As I retold the scenario to the doctor, my strength was renewed and as I talked to the social worker, I was beginning to feel the hope returning to my life.  As I continued this “jump” I got an order of protection just four days later, sealing the faith I had in God that He was now in control and I felt safe again.  As He gently placed me back on solid ground, I knew my hope would soon be back full force and I was headed in the right direction.  Separating from my husband was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  I was scared to be alone raising two teenagers.  Even though all of our money usually went to support his habit, I feared how I was going to support myself and two teens on my income alone.  I faltered a bit when I was denied any help from the state, including food stamps.  I wasn’t sure at some points I had made the right choice, but looking back over the last almost 3 years, God has provided in His own way.  Sure I have moments where I am panicking when the money just does not seem like it will cover, yet it always does.

Now I stand at the last piece of the “peace” to come, my trailer. I have been in prayer for so long about my house.  There are several things which need attention, yet I just cannot stand to be here anymore.  So many bad memories as I look at the missing walls and the ripped carpet.  The rotted doorway and the lack of doors on most of the rooms and the disorganization, which I just cannot not push myself to deal with.  I just feel trapped and I want out.  Sure I could spend money and fix all the things which are wrong, but it would not change how I feel about this place.  Now don’t get me wrong, there are lots of great memories here, but the key to putting my past completely behind me is getting a new home.  Recently I have been offered a home which is PERFECT.  It has room for my dad to move in.  It has space to make into a Mary Kay room for my clients and their friends.  It has land behind it for some quiet times with God amongst the trees.  It is perfect and the way it came to me was totally God!  The persons whom we are living there now are good friends of mine and they want to move to a different city, soon.  Recently they lowered the price and now once again I am taking a leap of faith and jumping off the cliff.  I do not have good credit.  I am making ends meet without much room to spare, however, I feel the hand of God gently pushing me and I am ready to take that plunge.  If God has brought me this far, He surely will carry me through to the end, even when my mind and flesh are not so willing to go.  Besides if the timing is not right and a loan is not the answer, I know God has something else in mind.  Before they lowered the price I was seeking out a few options, one of them being selling my dad’s home so we could use that as a down payment.  I was also going to start researching banks and options for buying a new home.  Every time I tried though, I felt something was holding me back.  Now part of it could have been my mind set:  How on earth do you think you can afford it?  Is it really God in the situation?

I never pursued the dream of this house.  Each time I would set aside time to call, something would come up and then I heard this small voice saying, “wait for the book”.  Perhaps the selling of my book will help me finance the home.  I am so trying to hear from God so that I am making the right choice yet I feel it in my spirit, not my gut, my spirit that this is right and I am ready to take that leap.  Living by faith takes practice.  God shows us with the little things first and then takes us onto the bigger ones.  Just like provision for my family.  Within six months of my separation, we had the heat turned back on after not having it for three years, all of our appliances were added to the trailer and I got a drivable van.  God provided it all.  Then in the recent past, He provided for me personally by giving me the money to get my dentures which I am in the process of getting.  If God can provide $5,000 for that why not $100,000 for a new home and a brand-new beginning for my family?  Nothing is too big for God and I think this is a stumbling block for many of us because we put a limit on what we think God can do.  You will know right away if something is not of God, your spirit man will know if you are in tune with him.

Faith takes surrender.  In surrendering whatever it is TOTALLY to God, we can jump.  It all begins with that personal relationship with God.  Sometimes it takes going to church and interacting with prayer partners on Saturday nights.  Perhaps it’s more quiet time away from this things we get distracted by every day.  Maybe it’s choosing the right friends to be with who will uplift us and are not afraid to point out the truth.  Often it just takes us closing our eyes, raising our hands toward heaven and telling God we are ready to jump.  Trust me, He will be there.  Once you jump and you see His goodness, you will be looking forward to the next cliff in your life.  You will want to see what He has in store for you next and as your faith grows, others will see it and begin to want to seek God on their own.  Yes, sometimes I think my story is too good to be true, yet I know my loving Father is watching over me all the time and all He is, is GOOD.