Tag Archives: surrender

Who Took My Blankie?

My very own

Just recently I had a passionate conversation and I wished I had recorded it, however, I will do my best to repeat the magnitude of what was said.

We are born.  Not by our own choice, but God’s.  We come into this world very unaware of our surroundings.  No clue perhaps in those first few moments of taking our first breaths.  Then as if out of nowhere there is a cutting.  A sudden revelation of a separation takes place.  The life line which you had been connected to for nine or so months suddenly is gone.

Now of course in those early stages of life we don’t actually have those thoughts running through our heads as birthing is a natural process which has been happening in this earth for a very long time.  For those who have anxiety at the moment you can probably close your eyes and imagine that whole beginning scene.  Those with separation issues could also relate.  What you once knew as comfort and connection is suddenly gone. Taken away.

So let’s take this to the next level.  As children we often cling to things such as stuffed animals, dolls or the ever so popular blankie.  These items become very important to us in early life.  You share EVERYTHING with this object, things you probably never told anyone else except for maybe your imaginary friend if you had one around.  I remember my son had a favorite teddy bear.  He went every where my son went.  If it was time for Teddy to have a bath, my son would stand by the washer and dryer until the whole process was complete.  He was clearly attached.

For the purposes of this discussion I am going to use the representation of the Blankie as I move through this next phase.  The Blankie is going to represent things we cling to in life as a comfort: food, family, friends, secret sins, drugs, alcohol and the likes.  Anything which we choose to go to instead of God.  As with the Blankie, we develop a relationship with our source of comfort.  It’s the one thing we know that will never let us down, it does not have the ability to.  We know when no one else understands us, our Blankie will.  It will comfort us.  Keep us close.  Never rejecting us.  Always a true friend and confidante.

What happens when God asks us to let go of the Blankie so that He can be our comfort, our true friend and confidante?  Of course!  We panic.  We cling all the tighter to our Blankie because a fear rises up in us.  How can we trust anyone else with our Blankie?  It knows us inside and out and would never hurt us or reject us or leave us hanging.  How do we know we will find comfort after we let go of the Blankie?

It all comes down to trust.  A trust beyond all thinking.  A trust so strong you have no choice but to cling to it instead of your false comforts.  For you see, a Blankie is just a false representation of love and trust.  In the end, you can’t take it with you.  It will be burned up with the things of the past.  You will step into heaven and God will be there.  Not your Blankie,–your false comfort.

God is calling us to trust Him with EVERYTHING.  Just like we shared our entire early stages of life with said Blankie, God wants you to choose to trust Him.  He wants to be your comfort.  Your security.  You source of Acceptance.

Some of us are still clinging to our Blankies.  We are at a point in our adult lives where we are afraid of being hurt and disappointed.  We don’t want to give up the very thing which has been there all along.  Drugs, alcohol, secret sins, food, bad relationships and various other addictions are not our security.  They are not our comfort.  They are not to be trusted.  Only God. God is the only one who will never let you down.  He will be there from the beginning until the end.  You can take Him where ever you go.  You can share every secret with Him.

One final thought.  In the beginning, we are not the ones who get to choose who cuts the cord.  When it comes to our false comforts we don’t have to do anything but trust God to take them and heal us from the aftermath.  We run around this big earth thinking we have to do more.  Thinking we are the ones who have to fix ourselves before we can go to God.  Those are lies.  God will take your Blankie.  All you have to do is believe.

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Dear Lord, Help me today to trust you with my Blankie.  I choose today to trust you with my Blankie.  I believe You can be trusted.  I believe You are my source of comfort and security.  Lord let me learn that the past is behind me and You are right in front of me, waiting to heal me.  I thank You Lord for removing those things in my life which are not of You.  I pray for all those who feel stuck in their sin or addictions that they made find true comfort in You alone and be healed from their wounds.  In Jesus Name.  Amen.

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I am Seed

just be

Just recently I have realized how much easier life is when I just sit and stay.  Like a dog learning new tricks I am.  To be still and quiet.   To be content with just slowing down.  Smelling the roses.  Picking up pretty rocks.  Exploring new paths.  Waiting for the sunset.  Reading a book.  Painting a picture.  Slow walks along the beach. Taking 1,000 pictures of a cricket or flowers or water.   Just the simple elegant things of life.

So many times in my life I have been way too busy with other things to even notice that God was trying to keep up with me.  Sometimes I have so many projects going at one time that nothing ever gets completed.  I get so dang excited about ideas I sometimes want to dive right in even though I still have other things in the works already.

Psalm 1:3 in the Message Bible says:

Psalm 1:3 The Message (MSG)

2-3 Instead you thrill to God’s Word,
    you chew on Scripture day and night.
You’re a tree replanted in Eden,
    bearing fresh fruit every month,
Never dropping a leaf,
    always in blossom.

When I first read this, I felt such an excitement with it and then I realized we were discussing a tree here.  Something which is non-mobile.  It is a seed planted meant to just be.  To just sway in the wind.  To allow the soil to house its’ roots.  To just grow and produce leaves and sometimes grow fruit.  To just be and depend on God to feed and water it.  To just be dependent  on God to shelter and protect it in all stages of growth from the seed to full maturity.

It is only when we slow down that we can truly depend on God.  It is in the slow moments we are reminded that God is in control.  It is in the slow times we see just how good God truly is and how He really does take care of our every need.  He feeds us with the Word.  He waters us with His Presence.  He protects us from all weather conditions life throws at us.

When we stop to just be, all fear dissolves.  After we have discontinued our pursuit of taking care of our own needs, God shows up in all of His splendor and we can be content with just being.  

At some point we need to come to the realization that we are merely the seed.  We have nothing else to do but just be.  Think of seed planted in the ground.  It sits.  It waits.  It is broken.  Then it beings to grow.  It grows both above ground and underground.  We don’t see the roots as they grow and often that is how we are as humans, we hide the roots, yet above the surface everything looks good.  Our trunks our sturdy and our leaves look just right yet underneath it all, buried deep inside are roots some good some bad.

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I encourage us all today to just be.  Take some time to just sit.  Stay.  Marinate.  Accept God is in control.  Be content in the stillness of God.  Begin to know that He meant it when He said, Be Still and KNOW I am God.

Dear Lord, I thank You for taking care of all of my needs.  I thank You that I can really just be.  I desire to get to know You better.  I look forward to just being more in Your presence.  I thank You for allowing me to just be.  Lord, I also thank You that You will begin to show others what it really means to just be so they too can find peace in just being still.  AMEN

Getting to the Track is the Easy Part

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When life knocks you right of the track you are on, get back up and head toward the track.  Yup!  I know it sounds simple, and I also know it’s not easy.  Falling is never an easy place to rise up from yet it puts you in the perfect position for the greatness of God.  It places you in a vulnerable spot on which  great victory can occur.  When we feel defeated to the core then it’s time to sing praises.  It’s time to rejoice!  It’s time for joy to bubble up from within because God is about to do something so great your mind can’t even wrap itself around the miracle.

I am battling with my weight at the moment and am getting really frustrated.  I am on the right track.  I am moving forward but the train just has not picked up any speed.  The train I am on lacks motivation.  It lags behind the rest hoping at some point to catch up and get ahead of the game.  I may never get ahead of the rest and that is exactly where I need to be to have  peace within my soul.  I need to believe that I am on the right track and at least moving forward in the right direction.  I need to believe God is directing the train and His ways are greater than mine will ever be.

Today I posted a blog in my Sparkpeople app which brought me to tears right in my office.  In one simple moment of time I felt the presence of God in my life in a powerful Father-Loving way.  He accepts me.  He loves me.  He is my strength.  He is my rescuer when I fall.  He is the only One who can pick me up, dust me off and set me in the right direction, any other voices are just distractions.

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Today, choose the let Him pick you up, dust off the dirt and set you on the path towards the right track.  He does not require us to return to where we once began the journey, however, He let’s us start right where we fell.  There are no do overs with God, just continuations towards the right way.  You are good enough for God to save you.  You have not failed to the point where He forgets about you.  You are created for a plan and purpose.

Begin today to believe in you.  Believe in love.  Believe in faith.  Believe God is who He says He is.  Allow Him to set you on the right track.  If you fall off again, choose to know it is okay, He will pick you up right where you are.  You do not have to seek help, He will come to you.  Before you even ask He knows your distress and help is already on the way. He has everything you need to stay on track, no need for inventing schemes or great plans for survival.  He alone has the answers.  He alone knows your every need.  He alone is the maker of the track you are to be on.

 

Dear God, Today I pray for all of us who are struggling in any area of our lives.  I know You are sending help already, you won’t leave us in the dust, broken and battered.  I pray peace to come today.  I pray You will heal our wounds and set us on the right track towards the plan you have for our lives.  Thank You for the work you are doing on our behalf.  Thank You for the healing that is coming.  Thank You for accepting us just as we are.  In Jesus Name.  Amen

Lost between Diamonds, Makeup and Hairspray

blog

Today, if you were to check my Facebook page, I had a to do list all mapped out.  Well, somehow I got lost between posting that this morning bright and early and doting on myself.  I went from wanting to knock things off my list to spending some me time in a matter of minutes.  Will I get my list done today? Perhaps.

In life we get so caught up in pleasing those around us that we forget sometimes that we are just as important.  We need to take time for us before we are broken and battered and of no use to others.  I enjoy spending time with me.  I like to see what magic I can do with my hair and make up.  I like trying on clothes.  I like decorating myself with diamonds just for fun.  I guess what I am trying to say is simple:  I like me.

Now, I did not arrive to this position about myself overnight and the older I get the more I like myself and who I have become.  I have allowed God to change me from the inside.  The more I believe what His Word says about me, the more I am happy to focus on me so that I can encourage others to do the same!

My husband asked me this morning why I was so good to him.  Silly man, because I love you.  But I can honestly say that I am as confident in who I am today because of his love.  I was broken from a past relationship and it has taken time and a lot of healing for me to even say I like myself.  God used my husband to love me back together.  He picked up the broken pieces of my heart and gently and patiently helped me heal.  I wrote him this Facebook post today:

for john

God has used my husband to teach me the principle of loving myself.  When I do not feel good about who I am, then I am not very easily persuaded to help anyone else feel good either.  However, when I am confident in who I am, I can boldly help someone in need of a love tap.  I can lovingly tell someone who is down and out and beating themselves up that they are worthy of love and mean it.

So how do we begin the journey of falling in love with who we are so that we can be a blessing to others?  One step at a time.  One Bible verse at a time.  One minute for ourselves. One moment of encouragement can do a whole lot of good.  Sometimes I wish I could start my career over and just become a motivator, then I think about the people I may have impacted and perhaps I already have done that.

Last point:  the definition of love is an intense feeling of affection and the definition of yourself is you personally.  Put these two together and you get this:  Feeling intensely affectionate for you personally.  I know that sounds a bit strange but let’s look at it from God’s perspective:

God feels intensely affectionate for you personally because God is love.


Wow! How powerful is that statement?  Let that permeate through you right now.  Allow that to just sink right in.  When you realize the God of the universe is in love with who you are, it’s the first step to beginning to love you!

Dear God, I stand before you today with the knowledge that you love me personally.  Help me to receive that into my spirit.  Help me to see who I really am.  Let the love process begin in me today.  Show me something about who I am that I can love.  Thank You for accepting me just as I am, a work in progress.  I thank you for the revelation to come.  In Jesus Name Amen

Smashing the Remote Control

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How many times in our lives have when been faced with things that we just did not plan on happening?  Sometimes it’s a car accident.  Maybe the loss of a job.  A loved one passes on.  A sickness comes out of nowhere. Something happens that just stops life as we know it.  Our day to day activities are either altered or come to a complete halt all together and it is out of our control.  Often we have no say in the situation and this rocks our boat to the point of capsizing.  When we are faced with the moment of understanding that we have no control we kinda freak out.

We have been holding on to the remote so tightly that our hands are tired and white knuckled.  We have shaken and moved this remote in every direction possible and it seems to have stopped working altogether.  When the frustration of the situation sets in we are ready to throw the remote as far as we can away from us begging God to take it.  This is the moment when the light bulb pops on suddenly and you have come to the realization you were never in control in the first place.  Never. Not from the time of your very conception.  When we come to our senses and see that we were created for His purposes and we did not birth ourselves we can finally rest.

This is where I reside right now.  I have come to a complete stop.  I have refused to look past today.  How long did it take me to get here?  A very long time.  Now, I am not one to  plan out every detail of my life ahead of time, however I do like to figure things out and sometimes that can be very overwhelming and tiring.  Let me show you what I am talking about.

Back in April I injured my back at work.  I tried to fix it by ignoring it and the pain just worsened.  Finally went to the doctor and that started a downward slide of medications and physical therapy only to arrive at the point where I needed surgery.  In November the surgery took place and I began the slow process of healing.  I was told I would be off work for 4 to 6 weeks and now its almost February and here I am still not back to work.  Why?  Because I am not the one in control.  It’s not easy for me to take time to rest and in these past several weeks I have spent a great deal of time resting and seeking God.  Every time I get myself prepared to go back to work, something else happens to delay it, not my choice, God’s.

So let’s throw a monkey wrench into this drama just for a bit of fun.  The plan 5 weeks ago was that I would return to work on February 8th after my 6 weeks of physical therapy but after a recent visit to my OBGYN I discovered I was in need of another surgery to remove come polyps on my cervix so I have to have a D & C.  Guess what day it’s scheduled for? The very day I was planning on returning to work..What???  God what are you doing?  I now have to call my boss and tell her that I will not be back as planned until the 9th. (provided I even could)  So for the last two weeks I have been dreading going back to work the day after a second surgery.

At church on Sunday night I shared my heart with the people who have been on this journey of recovery with me.  We have watched God move time and time again.  I had finally submitted that this was out of my hands.  As I had spent a solid week trying to figure out how I was going to feel and playing out the what-ifs and getting all worked up I prayed.  I surrendered.  I let it go.  I finally chose to live one day at a time without fear.  I began to believe that God would not leave me hanging or stranded without a plan.  A close friend confided in me that when she first heard I was having surgery she saw it like I was never going to give myself a rest and so God was going to put everything into motion for me, hence the surgery and the multiple extensions of my healing.

What happens when you give it up?  He moves.  He removes doubt.  He moves mountains.  He takes care of everything along the way.  He squashes fears.  He shows up and shows off.  Yesterday as I was preparing for our team meeting making a dish to pass I received a phone call from my doctors office and they were canceling my appointment for Wednesday and could not reschedule until February 15.  My first reaction was: WHAT? What are you doing God?  Now I have to call my employer and once again explain that I will not be returning until a later day.

Then, as if being covered in a blanket of peace, I hear Him saying, “Be Still and Know that I am God.  I am taking care of all things.  All of this is out of your control.”  And with that being said all of my anxiety left.  I no longer have to fear going back to work the day after surgery, God took care of it.  I don’t need to worry about my job, I am only following the doctors and I have no control over that.  God took all of the decision making out of my weary hands.  All I have to do is what is right in front of me.  I don’t need to figure out how my boss will react.  I don’t have to be consumed with figuring all of this out, I just need to be consumed with Him.

Dear Lord:

Thank You for being in control.  Thank You for filling me with peace.  I stand here surrendered to whatever Your  plan is knowing You will always make a way. Help me to stay here on Your promises.  Help me to accept that I am not in control.  I choose now to render whatever control I think I still have powerless.  Thank You for figuring out this life for me so that I can just rest in Your Presence.  In Jesus Name.  Amen.

 

The Darkness of the Cocoon (a continuation)

Lighta

 

“So it’s time to enter into darkness,” says no one ever!  As seekers of a Christ centered life we are compelled to search for the light to be filled with holiness and purity as Christ was.  No one desires to be left in darkness.  Not one of us with a right mind want to continue on in the state we are in, it’s only when darkness broods in our lives that our thought processes become tainted.  We walk around with our caterpillar mentality thinking that we will never change.  No one notices me.  I will always be in this state of mind.  I am just ordinary and have no purpose so I will just walk around in circles until I die.

I am hear right now speaking life!  I am speaking light!  I am speaking into the heart of darkness and saying, “Let there be Light!”  My heart breaks that so many people are in the bondage of the caterpillar stage of life.  In my first marriage I always hoped things would change, I never did anything to actually change it.  God had to wait until I was desperate enough to want out.  He had to wait until I desired something different.  He had to be patient enough to wait until I was ready to enter into the cocoon where transformation could begin.

Now this may sound like we are going backwards, but bear with me.  We are born into this world and like I said in the previous blog, we begin to eat up everything of this world, it’s like we don’t know anything different.  Then one day, we have an encounter with God and we begin the healing process.  We begin to believe that we have a purpose and that we are worthy of love.  We start to look in the mirror and see that change is happening.  We suddenly decide that change needs to continue and we surrender what we know as life to God and He begins the process.

We enter into a stage that I am calling the cocoon stage only because this is where the darkest things in our life are revealed, transformed and changed.  It is in the cocoon stage that we are hidden in a darkness not like the worlds but we are hidden by God.  We are protected from the influences of the outside carnal world.  We reside in a place where only God can touch us and transform our thinking.  He turns the “I ain’t good enough”  into “I have worth”.  He takes the “I am ugly” and changes it to “I am beautiful”.  He takes the “I can’t” and molds it into “I can do all things through Christ!”.

Most importantly He takes our lifeless flesh bodies and turns them into wings of life and freedom.  When we emerge from the cocoon at the end of the process we emerge whole and full of life.  We no longer desire to eat of the world but we desire to drink in the goodness of God.

Are you tired of eating the garbage of the world?  Do you have a desire to change?  Do you want to be free?  Happy? Joyful? Content?  Then it’s time to enter the cocoon.  It’s time for you to allow God to penetrate you to the core with His love, mercy and grace.  Don’t be fooled by the devil into thinking that you are not worth the time it takes to change because you are.  Others are waiting for your transformation process so that they too can witness the loving kindness of God.

More Icing

“Believe me: I am in my Father and my Father is in me. If you can’t believe that, believe what you see—these works. The person who trusts me will not only do what I’m doing but even greater things, because I, on my way to the Father, am giving you the same work to do that I’ve been doing. You can count on it. From now on, whatever you request along the lines of who I am and what I am doing, I’ll do it. That’s how the Father will be seen for who he is in the Son. I mean it. Whatever you request in this way, I’ll do.
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Did you know that God’s agendas are never ours?  Do realize that when God has something planned it’s almost completely opposite than we expect?  If I have to say it a million times even to myself then I will, “God has it planned out already.  Believe in Jeremiah 29:11 and begin to ask God for the next step rather than trying so hard to figure out what to do next.”
So often we have ourselves so wrapped up in the “what do we do next” mode that we miss what God has for us already.  God has a perfect plan and purpose for our lives and if He just opened up the book and showed it to us we would run so fast in the other direction we would be a distant shadow of what God intended for us. If only we would stand still and listen to that still small voice directing us, we could stop trying so hard.
Just today I caught myself doing this.  Why am I trying so hard to make sense of my job or my dance group or what to do with my aging dad?  All I need to do is crawl into my prayer closet and curl up in Daddy’s lap.  What do I do instead?  Come up with grandeous ideas and things to do to get God to work in my life.  I sometimes just shake my head at myself.  It’s like  I can blog all these great things that God can do, yet I don’t apply it to my life.  It’s frustrating sometimes because I know that I know that I know that I KNOW it’s as easy as a simple prayer, “God…What’s next on the agenda?”
I think I shared that when I started this dance group I argued with God.  “When will I have time?  No one is going to show up.”  The Devil tried to get me to quit.  Next I injured my back and missed a practice.  THEN, I was healed on Sunday and my back is better than new.  So tonight when we were practicing the pastor came to us with a proposal and in that tiny moment of time I knew God had something so big in mind for our little group that it would be almost surreal.  The funny part in all of this is that it’s not about our group.  It’s not about our insecurities.  It’s not about performing.  It is all about advancing His Kingdom.
I am excited to see what God is up to.  We are about to step into something we never saw coming.  My spirit is excited to experience this next adventure with God.  I know that I will not be able to figure out the steps on my own and I will need to seek Him more strongly than ever before.  I will need to be quiet and stand still even when I want to run ahead.  It is His plan, not mine.  I challenge each of us this week to stop trying to frost our own cake and allow God to cover it with so much icing we can’t move!  Surrender is the word.  Not moving is the game.  Peace is the prize.