Tag Archives: surgery

Perspectively Speaking

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When it comes to perspective we have to have the right filter on in order to see clearly what God is doing in our lives.  For example you get stopped at a red light when you need to be somewhere in a hurry or get stuck behind a slow driver with no way to pass.  You get frustrated and maybe a little road rage erupts, however, WHAT IF God was protecting you from an accident?  I could spend all night sharing instances of us having the wrong perspective but I would like to share a story with you that is happening in my life right now.  A story which will demand me having the correct prospective.

So long story short without too many gory details, I have been experiencing off and on several female issues in the past 5 or 6 years.  I went for a physical recently and my blood work showed I had an hemoglobin (iron) level of 8.7 when it is suppose to be a 12.  So now doctor wants some answers…more blood work (only to show the level is now 8.3)  **no cause for panic yet..it’s at 7 when a blood transfusion is needed**.  Now there is a trip to the OBGYN for an ultra sound and biopsy because things are a little more serious than I was seeing.  A trip to the colon doctor for a colonoscopy just to rule out where I am losing iron.  How do I feel at this point? I guess a little nervous but surely wanting answers.

Now I do need to let you in on a little back story, I will keep it short, I am recently remarried as of five years ago and we had decided kids were not something we wanted as I was in my 40s and my husband in his 20s (yes God did a wonderful thing while my perspective was not to get remarried but that’s a blog for another day) and we were good with that.  Well until a prophet said to us one day ” The Lord will make a way for you two to have a child physically (my tubes are tied) and financially if you come back to this alter in agreement.  God did a change of heart in both of us, yet I do not recall us actually going back to the altar in agreement, so it’s been about 3 years since this new development in our life.

Okay, current day…we visit with the OBGYN and she remembers our conversation from 2 years ago in which we discussed options for getting pregnant and then explains I have a 8 cm fibroid which is pushing on my uterus causing most of my issues.  It is not cancerous but just basically a large muscle which has developed over time.  Before she gave us our options she asks about getting pregnant and in a nutshell my husband spoke up and said, “In all reality I am really jealous for my wife’s time and I like that we can just pick up and go at any time, so let’s do what is best for my wife.” (yes there were tears all around)  Getting that topic of discussion out of the way, on to the topic at hand…what to do next.  How do I feel at this point?  Maybe some relief of the pressure of trying to get pregnant these last three years.  A little nervous still about the plan ahead.

She explained a procedure where I could get injections every three months to perhaps shrink the fibroid and stop my periods but that would only last a year.  Next option is partial hysterectomy to which my husband asked why not the whole thing?  Because, says the doctor, “We don’t her to become cranky, irritable and experience hot flashes right after surgery.”  To which my husband replied , “Let’s keep the ovaries in there!”

So how am I feeling at this point?  A surgeon is about to extract a major part of my body, yet I am at peace.  I could be freaked out and panicked yet I know God is in this and is guiding all of the events ahead of me.  In one surgery many issues that I have been dealing with for years will be taken away along with unnecessary pain.  I guess what really brought me to this perspective was reading a devotion with my husband where there quoted Psalm 103 in which it said God will remove my enemies.  In that moment I thought, wow, God is allowing this to happen because He is protecting me from an attack of the enemy.  I was just flooded with peace at that moment.

Now of course I can look at the funny side of this too, I had asked Him to help me lose weight..never thought removing an organ would be the answer.  Plus I was just saying I needed a vacation and this requires 2 weeks off.  Well play God, however this only brings us to a deeper realm of faith as I have no short term disability.  We will have to trust God to provide during that time which I know He will as He has done in the past.  If I had the wrong perspective about this my husband and I would just be worried about how things were going to get paid, where can we pinch more out of our budget, can we get hours in at work before the surgery and on and on and on.

The wrong perspective can riddle our daily lives with unnecessary work and needless agony.  When our perspective is out of whack we should turn to God in prayer and ask Him for His perspective. When we view things through the correct lens we see peace in the situation instead of a need for performance on our part.  God is our provider.  He is our Healer.  He is our all in all.  I was talking with a friend to day about us asking God to remove things from our lives and I said we have the wrong perspective.

We are not the surgeon, God is.  He is the one Who decides what needs to be removed from our lives to keep us from harm.  He is our protector and always knows what is best for us.  It would be like me going to the surgeon and telling them to give me a hysterectomy because I thought that would heal me, however the surgeon using wisdom may have a different option all together.  Same thing with God.  Sometimes we ask to be delivered from something yet God knows we may need to keep that in our lives to help us learn a lesson or receive revelation.  We need to allow Him to be the surgeon.  We need to let Him perform the necessary procedures to bring us into the fullness of revelation.

 

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Smashing the Remote Control

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How many times in our lives have when been faced with things that we just did not plan on happening?  Sometimes it’s a car accident.  Maybe the loss of a job.  A loved one passes on.  A sickness comes out of nowhere. Something happens that just stops life as we know it.  Our day to day activities are either altered or come to a complete halt all together and it is out of our control.  Often we have no say in the situation and this rocks our boat to the point of capsizing.  When we are faced with the moment of understanding that we have no control we kinda freak out.

We have been holding on to the remote so tightly that our hands are tired and white knuckled.  We have shaken and moved this remote in every direction possible and it seems to have stopped working altogether.  When the frustration of the situation sets in we are ready to throw the remote as far as we can away from us begging God to take it.  This is the moment when the light bulb pops on suddenly and you have come to the realization you were never in control in the first place.  Never. Not from the time of your very conception.  When we come to our senses and see that we were created for His purposes and we did not birth ourselves we can finally rest.

This is where I reside right now.  I have come to a complete stop.  I have refused to look past today.  How long did it take me to get here?  A very long time.  Now, I am not one to  plan out every detail of my life ahead of time, however I do like to figure things out and sometimes that can be very overwhelming and tiring.  Let me show you what I am talking about.

Back in April I injured my back at work.  I tried to fix it by ignoring it and the pain just worsened.  Finally went to the doctor and that started a downward slide of medications and physical therapy only to arrive at the point where I needed surgery.  In November the surgery took place and I began the slow process of healing.  I was told I would be off work for 4 to 6 weeks and now its almost February and here I am still not back to work.  Why?  Because I am not the one in control.  It’s not easy for me to take time to rest and in these past several weeks I have spent a great deal of time resting and seeking God.  Every time I get myself prepared to go back to work, something else happens to delay it, not my choice, God’s.

So let’s throw a monkey wrench into this drama just for a bit of fun.  The plan 5 weeks ago was that I would return to work on February 8th after my 6 weeks of physical therapy but after a recent visit to my OBGYN I discovered I was in need of another surgery to remove come polyps on my cervix so I have to have a D & C.  Guess what day it’s scheduled for? The very day I was planning on returning to work..What???  God what are you doing?  I now have to call my boss and tell her that I will not be back as planned until the 9th. (provided I even could)  So for the last two weeks I have been dreading going back to work the day after a second surgery.

At church on Sunday night I shared my heart with the people who have been on this journey of recovery with me.  We have watched God move time and time again.  I had finally submitted that this was out of my hands.  As I had spent a solid week trying to figure out how I was going to feel and playing out the what-ifs and getting all worked up I prayed.  I surrendered.  I let it go.  I finally chose to live one day at a time without fear.  I began to believe that God would not leave me hanging or stranded without a plan.  A close friend confided in me that when she first heard I was having surgery she saw it like I was never going to give myself a rest and so God was going to put everything into motion for me, hence the surgery and the multiple extensions of my healing.

What happens when you give it up?  He moves.  He removes doubt.  He moves mountains.  He takes care of everything along the way.  He squashes fears.  He shows up and shows off.  Yesterday as I was preparing for our team meeting making a dish to pass I received a phone call from my doctors office and they were canceling my appointment for Wednesday and could not reschedule until February 15.  My first reaction was: WHAT? What are you doing God?  Now I have to call my employer and once again explain that I will not be returning until a later day.

Then, as if being covered in a blanket of peace, I hear Him saying, “Be Still and Know that I am God.  I am taking care of all things.  All of this is out of your control.”  And with that being said all of my anxiety left.  I no longer have to fear going back to work the day after surgery, God took care of it.  I don’t need to worry about my job, I am only following the doctors and I have no control over that.  God took all of the decision making out of my weary hands.  All I have to do is what is right in front of me.  I don’t need to figure out how my boss will react.  I don’t have to be consumed with figuring all of this out, I just need to be consumed with Him.

Dear Lord:

Thank You for being in control.  Thank You for filling me with peace.  I stand here surrendered to whatever Your  plan is knowing You will always make a way. Help me to stay here on Your promises.  Help me to accept that I am not in control.  I choose now to render whatever control I think I still have powerless.  Thank You for figuring out this life for me so that I can just rest in Your Presence.  In Jesus Name.  Amen.

 

A Fortune Cookie with No Fortune

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As I was sitting here on New Years Day 2016 contemplating what God wanted me to share, I was feasting on some fortune cookies left over from our latest take out meal.  As I opened my second cookie I was surprised to find no little paper with some words of wisdom printed on it.  Now, not that I follow any of these fortunes but it’s still fun to read them and sometimes I have to admit, they line up with something which is happening in my life at the moment.  So I guess God is leading me today to share about empty expectations.

Did we get all we expected out of the last year?  I know for one I had some ups and downs but I have to say for me personally I did not get done what I had expected to do.  I wanted to get started on book number four and be in the publishing stage at this point.  Two things have prevented me from accomplishing this:  self-motivation and no computer with a word processor on it.

I recently had back surgery and I had clearly heard the Lord say to me as I was facing this that I was to rest and write.  Okay, great I thought to myself, God is giving me the opportunity to rest and write, then after surgery things were tougher than expected and sitting up was not my friend.  So I decided to rest and that maybe it was a two part ordeal.  I rested and then I realized my six weeks was almost up and I had not even typed out one word in the new book.

After seeing the physician for my post-op visit I was told that I would head off to physical therapy and could not return to work until it was completed…this meant 6 more weeks off.  With six more weeks ahead of me,  I decided to get serious about my writing only to discover that the laptop I had been borrowing did not have a word program and neither did the new laptop my hubby bought for me for Christmas.  Now what I asked God?

I felt like I was stuck behind a task I had been assigned with no means to accomplish it.  A friend suggested that I hand write the book but that’s too hard to do and keep up with the words which begin to flow.  Another friend said I should speak my book into a microphone on my phone but that just got too complicated because it’s not the way I am gifted to write.

So here I am with a book idea, expecting to write and I can’t.  So I sit here feeling guilty and disobedient to God.  The devil has a field day sometimes condemning me and making me feel worthless and lazy, like I am wasting my gift.  What is happening in your life that the devil is trying to beat you over the head with or make you feel guilty?  Some days I fear that God will take my writing from me but I know that’s a lie.  The devil can turn any promise from God into a lie if we allow ourselves to submit to fear.

This is what I hear God saying:  Whatever you expected from last year, just let it go.  It’s a new year.  A new beginning.  Choose to renounce the lies and see yourself as I do.  You are my beloved.  You are loved.  You are accepted.  I will not take things away from you, it is not My nature.  Believe that I only want your love and obedience.  I only desire a true relationship with you.  Come, talk to Me. Abide in Me.  You are never too far away to come back home.  Choose today to start again.  

Dear Lord, help me today to see me as You do.  Teach me to hear only Your voice and to rise up against the lies of fear.  I thank You that You are here with me everyday to guide me and teach me.  I thank You for sticking with me even when I seem to running in the wrong direction.  I know that You  have great plans for my life because Your Word promises that to me. I love you Lord!  Amen