Tag Archives: protection

Perspectively Speaking

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When it comes to perspective we have to have the right filter on in order to see clearly what God is doing in our lives.  For example you get stopped at a red light when you need to be somewhere in a hurry or get stuck behind a slow driver with no way to pass.  You get frustrated and maybe a little road rage erupts, however, WHAT IF God was protecting you from an accident?  I could spend all night sharing instances of us having the wrong perspective but I would like to share a story with you that is happening in my life right now.  A story which will demand me having the correct prospective.

So long story short without too many gory details, I have been experiencing off and on several female issues in the past 5 or 6 years.  I went for a physical recently and my blood work showed I had an hemoglobin (iron) level of 8.7 when it is suppose to be a 12.  So now doctor wants some answers…more blood work (only to show the level is now 8.3)  **no cause for panic yet..it’s at 7 when a blood transfusion is needed**.  Now there is a trip to the OBGYN for an ultra sound and biopsy because things are a little more serious than I was seeing.  A trip to the colon doctor for a colonoscopy just to rule out where I am losing iron.  How do I feel at this point? I guess a little nervous but surely wanting answers.

Now I do need to let you in on a little back story, I will keep it short, I am recently remarried as of five years ago and we had decided kids were not something we wanted as I was in my 40s and my husband in his 20s (yes God did a wonderful thing while my perspective was not to get remarried but that’s a blog for another day) and we were good with that.  Well until a prophet said to us one day ” The Lord will make a way for you two to have a child physically (my tubes are tied) and financially if you come back to this alter in agreement.  God did a change of heart in both of us, yet I do not recall us actually going back to the altar in agreement, so it’s been about 3 years since this new development in our life.

Okay, current day…we visit with the OBGYN and she remembers our conversation from 2 years ago in which we discussed options for getting pregnant and then explains I have a 8 cm fibroid which is pushing on my uterus causing most of my issues.  It is not cancerous but just basically a large muscle which has developed over time.  Before she gave us our options she asks about getting pregnant and in a nutshell my husband spoke up and said, “In all reality I am really jealous for my wife’s time and I like that we can just pick up and go at any time, so let’s do what is best for my wife.” (yes there were tears all around)  Getting that topic of discussion out of the way, on to the topic at hand…what to do next.  How do I feel at this point?  Maybe some relief of the pressure of trying to get pregnant these last three years.  A little nervous still about the plan ahead.

She explained a procedure where I could get injections every three months to perhaps shrink the fibroid and stop my periods but that would only last a year.  Next option is partial hysterectomy to which my husband asked why not the whole thing?  Because, says the doctor, “We don’t her to become cranky, irritable and experience hot flashes right after surgery.”  To which my husband replied , “Let’s keep the ovaries in there!”

So how am I feeling at this point?  A surgeon is about to extract a major part of my body, yet I am at peace.  I could be freaked out and panicked yet I know God is in this and is guiding all of the events ahead of me.  In one surgery many issues that I have been dealing with for years will be taken away along with unnecessary pain.  I guess what really brought me to this perspective was reading a devotion with my husband where there quoted Psalm 103 in which it said God will remove my enemies.  In that moment I thought, wow, God is allowing this to happen because He is protecting me from an attack of the enemy.  I was just flooded with peace at that moment.

Now of course I can look at the funny side of this too, I had asked Him to help me lose weight..never thought removing an organ would be the answer.  Plus I was just saying I needed a vacation and this requires 2 weeks off.  Well play God, however this only brings us to a deeper realm of faith as I have no short term disability.  We will have to trust God to provide during that time which I know He will as He has done in the past.  If I had the wrong perspective about this my husband and I would just be worried about how things were going to get paid, where can we pinch more out of our budget, can we get hours in at work before the surgery and on and on and on.

The wrong perspective can riddle our daily lives with unnecessary work and needless agony.  When our perspective is out of whack we should turn to God in prayer and ask Him for His perspective. When we view things through the correct lens we see peace in the situation instead of a need for performance on our part.  God is our provider.  He is our Healer.  He is our all in all.  I was talking with a friend to day about us asking God to remove things from our lives and I said we have the wrong perspective.

We are not the surgeon, God is.  He is the one Who decides what needs to be removed from our lives to keep us from harm.  He is our protector and always knows what is best for us.  It would be like me going to the surgeon and telling them to give me a hysterectomy because I thought that would heal me, however the surgeon using wisdom may have a different option all together.  Same thing with God.  Sometimes we ask to be delivered from something yet God knows we may need to keep that in our lives to help us learn a lesson or receive revelation.  We need to allow Him to be the surgeon.  We need to let Him perform the necessary procedures to bring us into the fullness of revelation.

 

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Protecting the Heart

Psalm 51:17
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

I have been dealing with picking up the pieces of a shattered heart for a long time.  Piece by piece, shard by shard.  The more I tried to put the pieces back together by myself the less sense they made.  Finally I came to a place of surrender where I just let God start putting me back together.  It has been in that mode of surrender that I have been loved back together in such a way I cannot deny it was all God.

While I was separated from my husband I had sworn off men.  I was going to just stay married and if nothing came of it then I would just do it all on my own.  Being alone wasn’t so bad, I did know how to take care of myself.  I made enough money so I could live on one income.  My kids were almost out of the house, I could do this living on my own thing.  I have been a very determined person from the get go and nothing was about to change.  It’s funny though how God works.  As I mentioned in yesterdays blog, God often gives us what we need before giving us what we want.

In the process of picking up my shattered heart, I realized a small part was missing and I feel we all have this little, tiny piece of our hearts hidden so deep somewhere that no one is ever going to get a hold of it or even see it.  We hide this piece from everyone, even God because we feel it is the one thing we can lock away and protect so that we will never be completely violated or broken.  A part taken apart from the whole heart.  Why do we lock this part of us away?  Because we get hurt over and over again by circumstances and people in our lives and we go into protection mode.  We want a little piece of us to remain untouched, unmutilated, unbroken or exposed to any sort of pain.

When God started to bring John into my life, I thought nothing of it.  He was a friend, a man after God just like me.  We only saw each other a handful of times in the span of year as we attended church together.  It blew me away as I stood there and watched God just work our hearts together.  I did not understand at first and we kept giving God our relationship until He finally got through to us that we were meant to be.  Now, we have gone through some pretty hefty trials in a short span of three months and tonight was a really eye opener for us both.

While pouring ourselves out to each other, we decided to unlock, unwrap and let loose that tiny, little piece of our hearts that we had been protecting.  We are both finally at a point in our relationship where nothing else matters but what God is about to do in our lives.  Was it hard to open that lock?  You betcha!  What did it take?  Complete, full trust in God.  Not trust in John, but God.  I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, God is the reason for me even standing here 54 days away from marrying a man again.  I can assure you I did not want a man in my life, yet God knew what I needed and now that He has given me the man of God I did not even know I needed, I want John to be forever in my life, serving God and ministering with me.

Are you ready to unlock that hidden piece in you?  Do you trust God enough to give it to Him?  Do you have enough faith in God’s protection to share it with your spouse?  It could be the one thing that changes your very relationship.

 

Making a U-Turn

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

 

Taking a risk.  Choosing the “other” path.  Going in the opposite direction. Running when the signs say walk.  Jumping when clearly you were meant to just stand.  Knowing when to stop and actually make a U-turn: surrender.  How many times have we headed down a path which we think will lead us to our destiny only to end up having to retrace our steps to reinvestigate why we went that way in the first place?  I have done this so many times in my life time and every time, it is in the one moment when I throw my hands up in surrender that the reality of it all is displayed before me.  Take for instance this getting a new home.  As soon as I thought I was ready to seek out a new home, I jumped.  I looked at what I thought was the most perfect home, knowing I would have to overlook the fact that it was on a very busy road and not really the perfect scenario.  However, I tried to pursue it only to have my dream crushed.  God had taken away my hope for a new home.  So with my head in the downward position I pouted and walked back from whence I came.  Soon God renewed my hope, so I thought, and we peeked in on another home with a better location only to discover by the time I could even look at it, it had sold.  Wow, really?  Disappointment started to seep in quickly and once again I just accepted were I was in my home arrangement and placed the dream aside. I surrendered it to God.

Wouldn’t you know only a little while later God presents me with this opportunity for a new home, a perfect home.  A house where the deer roam and the woods beckon quiet reflection times.  A home big enough to move my dad in with us; a place to finally call a home.  The catch?  I had to have patience.  I have to wait for God’s timing on all aspects of this adventure.  We have to sell my dad’s home and get an affordable loan, as this house is out of my range of affordability, but not God’s.  Every time I say there is no way, He shows me light upon the path and renews my hope.  With God all things are truly possible, if only we could get that etched in stone in our brains so that it is the first and last thing we think upon every day.  I know with the upcoming publishing of the book, there will be a new avenue of some cash flow, but I cannot get ahead of myself.  I plan on doing this the right way and by closely following on the heels of God is the only way it is going to happen.

Why is it so hard for us to wait for the better God has for us?  We want that instant gratification in all aspects of our lives, but when we do that, there is no peace and no glory to God.  As my story of a new home unfolds it is such a God story from the beginning I assure you the ending will be just spectacular!  I look forward to posting in future blogs pictures of my new home.  I am convinced God has set this adventure in motion knowing that all along He had something so much better in mind for me then that first home.  God is faithful to give us the desires of our hearts because He loves us that much.  What are you waiting for?  Is there something in your life that seems like it will never happen?  Have you looked closely at the situation?  Looked close enough to see if God is really in it?  Sometimes He does things to protect us even when we just cannot see it.

Nope, That Can’t Be It, Can it?

“[Dedicated Service] Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.” Romans 12:1 NASB

Okay, with a show of hands (don’t worry I cannot see you)  how many times have we stepped up to the altar, raised our hands in surrender thinking we know what a man or woman of God will speak into our lives like we have it all figured out?  I know you cannot see me either but my hand is raised, not in knowledge but in surprise.  There have been so many times I think I don’t need prayer and God shows me I do.  There have been times when I had to drag my flesh to the front because I did not think there was another thing God wanted to heal in me.  Whether we like it or not, God knows us better than we ever will.  I do not care how many psychology or self-help books we read, never will be able to figure it all out.  Let me use tonight as an example.

A friend of mine and I went to Boot Camp tonight to hear a prophetess speak, not expecting prayer or a word of knowledge, just a lesson in the things God had in mind.  I expected to learn, not release or have God show me something I had really misunderstood about myself.  Now the lesson was clearly about false prophets and good trees producing good fruit and bad trees producing bad fruit.  She clearly taught how the body of Christ can easily be deceived. After a time of refection she called those up front who wanted to become pure and holy with no bad roots in us so that we may be trees of life bearing the good stuff the people of God needed.  Of course, I went up front, knowing I knew just what needed to be ripped out of me only to have God show me something completely different.

I was figuring she would say doubting was my downfall and maybe she would say something about the direction of my writing or the restoration of my family, NOPE!  God had something totally off the beaten path for me that hit me like a train.  He clearly stated He freed me from depression and a brokenness in my mind.  What?  Huh?  I am the type of person who tells everyone that I am not a depressed type of person and I am thankful I do not have to conquer that.  I also thought I could not help those who are dealing with depression (including my own daughter) because I had not walked through that in my life, yet here was God telling me He had delivered me from it. Once again, Huh?  I was really confused and then she told me I was anointed to free the broken-minded and hurting. Boy, did I miss the mark or what?

Yes, if you look at my WHOLE testimony, I should have been depressed:  adopted into a family where the dad was a drinker and the mom a yeller. Molested at age 5 by a family friend.  Teased in elementary school so badly I cried almost every day.  Parents then divorced when I was 16.  Smoking by age 13.  Drinking at age 15.  I had three random relationships before marrying my husband who was a drinker then an drug addict.  Had two children I tried to protect from everything that was going on behind the scenes in my marriage only to end up 20 years later, separated and living with just my daughter in a run down trailer.  Who wouldn’t be depressed?  But let us dig deeper perhaps so that through writing this out I too might grasp what God is saying.  Did I hide everything from myself?  Did I just think I was okay?  I wasn’t a cutter.  I did cry myself to sleep, but I didn’t just stay in bed all the time, I was always active.  I thought I was pretty positive about things.  Maybe I have a misinterpretation of depression.  (one moment as I go get Websters answer to the meaning of just this word)

Definition of DEPRESSION

1
a : the angular distance of a celestial object below the horizon b : the size of an angle of depression
2
: an act of depressing or a state of being depressed: as a : a pressing down : lowering b (1) : a state of feeling sad : dejection (2) : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies c (1) : a reduction in activity, amount, quality, or force (2) : a lowering of vitality or functional activity
Okay the first part does not fit and unless I was in denial the only thing which seemed to fit in my situation is hopelessness.  Did Satan have such a hold on my life at one time I could not see these things in my life?  I do remember one time I had this huge fight with my husband and I went for a walk.  It was a long walk towards Lake Michigan and my intentions were to never stop walking even when I got to the water.  I got tired after walking for like two and half hours and called for a ride, but I was pretty determined to be done with all of this frustration in my life and that word (frustration is the key).  This was the summer before it all came to head with my husband and as I shared this story recently with my daughter she clearly pointed out that I would not have drowned, it was not possible. (besides I am sure my fear of water would have taken over at some point).
Anyways, as this person was praying over me, she told me I had to get rid of all of my recent frustrations.  Ugh!  The whole list?  Work, my home, finances, my writing…….all of it I had to surrender to God tonight so that I would not be led down to the roads of depression again.  Boy, Satan sure threw me for a loop and I did not even notice.  Is this happening in your life too?  I urge you to fall to the floor in prayer and worship and ask God to reveal the things which you are deceived by.  Certainly God has been protecting me all along for the person praying said if it was not for the hand of God I would not have been standing there tonight…I will most assuredly agree with such a statement.  Will you trust God enough to reveal to you the things which you need to straighten out in your life so that you may bear good fruit?
As for me I will be listening closely to what emotions I am using to deal with life.  I will continue to learn to be quiet and only speak positive things into the atmosphere around me.  I certainly do not wish to be depressed or give the appearance that I am.  I also do not wish to hide anything from myself anymore.  I want to be used by God and He can only use me if I am pure and holy.  When we are accurately following the things of God, only then can He use us in a mighty way to help others around us.   So here I stand in surrender, waiting on the Lord, keeping quiet about my frustrations and not whining anymore.  I give it all to God and in the mean time I will spend my extra time in worship!