Tag Archives: past

Rear View Mirror Addictions

1 Corinthians 13:3-7

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
letting go
Ever just wish you could get rid of your past like the seeds of a dandelion?  Do you find yourself obsessed with looking back at the past constantly with regrets?  How do we come to this place where we find peace…constant peace?  How can there even be such a thing as peace when we have made so many wrong turns and decisions?  Sometimes we just shake our heads in disbelief that we could be so stupid about things yet we show no desire to make any changes for the good.  We are stuck in an addiction of looking in that rear view mirror and have no answers as to how to stop the staring.
How are we defined as a person?  Do new people meeting us judge us for our past?  NO, of course not, they don’t even know us, so why do we even bring the subject up?  When we come to the realization that Jesus is the answer to every single problem we encounter, we can begin to deal with our past and see it for what it is…the past.  The dictionary describes the past as :

PAST (adjective) 1.gone by or elapsed in time: It was a bad time, but it’s all past now.


Gone. Do you see it?  It is gone, finished..can’t go back and change a thing, so why are we staring at it like we could do something different?  I know for me, letting go of the past was not an easy thing to do, in fact it took me three years of Jesus time to get through my detox from the past.  I spent several days of my life blaming myself for all of the disaster that had occurred in my life time.  Bad choices.  Mistake judgments.  Wrong answers.  I felt like I was the reason my husband was the way he was.  I thought I caused him to turn to drugs and alcohol to ease his pains and agony with life.  I felt I was the reason I had no true love in my life.  All lies of the enemy.


So what is the solution?  Jesus.  Take your past and pretend it’s on the end of a dandelion stem and blow!  Blow all the lies away.  Scatter the past in a million directions and begin to live life to it’s fullest.  Choose to stop staring at the rear view mirror as if things are going to change.  Learn from the past but stop taking it with you. Choose today not to be addicted to your past.  Remember, it’s not going to change.  Choose today to follow after Jesus and be at peace knowing you have walked through fire and survived!


Guilty Without Charges

1 John 3:20

Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and He knows everything.
Yup!  Guilty! I messed up for sure this time.  Never going to get forgiveness this time.  Just can’t seem to do anything right.  I might as well just quit while I am ahead.  No use trying to move forward, never going to make it.  Ever have any of these thoughts running through your head?  What about creating a war in your mind that does not even exist.  Or, what about having this fear well up inside of you and you begin to play out the worst actions over in your mind over something that is nothing.  Gotten yourself all ready for a punishment that is not even coming?  If so then you do the same thing I do, charge myself guilty when there is no crime.
Sometimes in life for a number of reasons, low self-esteem, childhood issues, self-doubt and many more dysfunctions, we find ourselves sentencing ourselves to our own personal jail.  We begin from the moment our mind tells us we might be in the wrong, and we run with the lies it begins to tell us until it eats away at us..  Little by little as you begin to accept the lies as truth, you have yourself so worked up you either want to run away or no longer live.  These little nuggets of untruth become the very boulders we attach ourselves to, leaving us helpless to see the truth so that we can find freedom.
Sometimes those untruths start when we are very young. You are not good enough.  You will never amount to anything.  No one else in the family went to college.  You will be lucky to find a job.  No one is going to hire you.  You are a failure at life, nothing good will ever happen to you.  Lie after lie whispered into our ears for years.  It’s no wonder we are afraid of God and everything He has to offer us.  How can He ever want us, we are not good enough to be in His presence.  Let me be real with you for a moment.  Satan lurks around looking to kill, steal and destroy God’s people and we have fallen into some deep traps of untruths.  We need to at some point realize we no longer want to be chained to our insecurities and untruths and find this desire to change our position.
For God, failure is not an option.  He sent His son to die on a cross to cover ALL of our sins…past, present and future.  Anyone who believes in Jesus will be saved and spend eternity in heaven.  It is by His grace that we are able to breathe.  It is by His grace that we have been given a second, third, fourth, fiftieth chance at life.  It is by His grace that we are saved from the enemies lies.  When will we learn to just surrender and listen for His still small voice to guide us?  When will we stop sentencing ourselves with our own condemnation?
I just want to speak grace to anyone who might be reading this.  I want to speak life into your being.  Stop listening to the lies.  Stop making the boulder bigger and the chains stronger.  Believe in God and He will take care of you.  His Word is truth from cover to cover and His grace is enough to cover any sin.  His grace is enough to free you from your chains.  His grace is enough to allow you to be loved.  May you right now in this moment be filled with peace as you surrender everything to Jesus and allow Him to move in your life.

Past the Past

2 Corinthians 5:17

New Living Translation (NLT)

17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!


Just like when we are born from our mother’s womb, we are a new creation, so it is when we accept Jesus into our hearts.  The moment you choose Him as your Savior and begin to believe in the depth of His love you are a new creation.  You get a new lease on life.  A new beginning.  A chance to start over.  A chance to change your habits and old ways of thinking…..so…why do so many of us carry the past right into the present and let it permeate our future?


Perhaps we really do not have the full understanding that when Jesus died on the cross He took away our past, present and future sins, which in my book means we are forgiven of EVERYTHING and we need to adjust to a new way of thinking.  How many times do we bring old relationship issues into new ones?  How many friends and family members do we no longer associate with simply because we feel they will not understand the new us?  I feel we really hold ourselves back from living to our full potential as a daughter or son of God because we cannot simply wrap our minds around the fact that we are truly forgiven.  God cannot even see our sin through the blood of His Son.  We need to begin to wrap God around our minds, that would make more sense.


When I met my present husband, I had spent three years not in a relationship. During this time I learned a lot about myself and really dug deep into what God wanted to do in me.  He wanted me to be healed and whole.  As I attended the 54 day revival, I began to renew my mind and allow the healing to begin.  This process allowed me to enter into a new marriage free from the baggage of the past.  I did not have to bring my past hurts and pains into a new relationship because I took the time to renew my mind with the Word of God and I chose to let God show me who I really was as a person.


Now I am not saying it is all forgettable,  however I am willing to admit that without this healing process my new marriage would be a mess.  If I would have carried all the baggage from my previous marriage into this new one, John and I would have had so many issues to compromise on that we would not be able to enjoy each other at all.  Since we both went through a three year process of God changing our hearts and minds, our marriage is on solid ground and the compromises we have to make are not like any other married couple we have met.


So long story short, the past is the past.  Leave it behind you and move forward.  The past whether good or bad has no place in your present or future relationship.  Every person is unique and at different levels, yet God has a way of just meshing things together.  I pray that anyone reading this will take just one minute to examine their current situation…..are you living your past in your present life?  If so, choose to renew your mind.  Spend some time seeking God.  Trust me, it will do you a world of good and set you in motion for a past free future.

No Matter What, He’s Gonna Love You

1 Corinthians 13:7
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Got sin?  Feel like you fall short?  Perhaps you think you just don’t measure up? Maybe you are riddled with guilt? Or you just are not feeling worthy of any love at all.  You look in the mirror and all you see is brokenness  and despair.  You want to run as far as you can in the opposite direction from God because you feel the emptiness begin to creep in and you have no idea where you are going next.  You want to fix your life and THEN get right with God.  You want to mend all the broken parts of you before you go to the Father and “make things right”.  You want to go back and correct ALL of the dumb mistakes you made so that God will see you as whole and ready to seek Him for your destiny.  Guess who I just described? Yup!  Me.

This is how I felt not long ago.  As I was dealing with a lifeless marriage and going nowhere in my walk with God, I was feeling so lost and not worthy of love in any shape or form.  I felt like I needed to fix all of the mistakes I had made before I could even go before God and ask for forgiveness.  Ten years I walked without acknowledging God was even in my life. Ten long years of doing it on my own, not seeking His wisdom or direction all because I felt  I had made some really dumb choices for my life and until I worked all of these things out, I was stuck and unworthy of His grace.

In the midst of all of my brokenness, God just reached down one day and scooped me into His arms and began to love me back together.  I was unwilling at first as I sat in a hospital room watching my overdosed husband fighting for his life.  In that brief moment, He asked me if I was ready to be loved again.  Surprisingly I did not hesitate.  I had been doing everything on my own for so long, I was ready to give up.  I was ready to surrender. I was ready to be whole again.  How long had God been standing beside me waiting for me to get to this place in my life so that He could show me how much He truly loved me?  From the moment I drifted, He stood closer.  The more I beat myself up, the more He loved me.  Every time I screamed out in agony, He longed to pick me up and hold me close.

Now as I stand on the brink of my entire life changing I am seeking God more than ever and as I do this, He releases me and sets me free.  I have been waiting for my husband for three years, waiting for him to be renewed and find God.  I simple wanted him to be healed from his addictions so that he could love again.  I wanted  him whole so that he could see God in his life.  I wanted so badly for him to cease from being in constant pain and agony.  I wanted him to feel worthy of God’s love so that our marriage could be repaired.  I prayed and I stood in silence, waiting, until  6 weeks ago when God released me to divorce.

I spent two days wrestling with God.  I surrendered my emotions over and over again.  I prayed continuously for direction and answers.  I asked God to show me what was going on and clear as day I heard Him tell me that He had promised me the restoration of my family, not the restoration of my marriage and in that very moment I felt the release from my marriage.  I knew in my heart of hearts I had done my best and now the rest was up to God.

Now as I stand here in surrender.  I am more free than I have ever been. I have found more peace than I have ever dreamed possible.  I feel whole.  I feel worthy.  I feel loved.  I can look in the mirror now and no longer see the past that was holding me back from accepting the love of God in my life.  I now know without a shadow of a doubt that God’s love is unconditional and He is going to love me no matter how far I get of track.  When I find myself in moments of doubt I just pause to reflect on what God rescued me from and I  look forward to what lies ahead knowing He will love through it all.