Tag Archives: past hurts

Thank You for Offending Me!!!!

offenses

Thank you for not noticing I colored my hair.  Thank you for stealing my parking spot.  Thank you for not saying hi at church today.  Thank you for not buying me coffee.  Thank you for forgetting my birthday.  Thank you for not remembering I am allergic to green peppers.  Thank you for ignoring me yesterday at the store.  Thank you for not inviting me to go out to dinner.  Thank you for cutting in front of me.  Thank you for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.  Thank you for not buying me something when you went to the store. Thank you for posting what you did on Facebook.

SHOULD I GO ON?

Offenses are literally EVERYWHERE these days.  As the world grows colder and colder and we are busy building our walls of defense against one another, we are suffering on the inside and no one seems to notice it much anymore.  We shrug our shoulders and move on to the next offense which just adds fuel to the fire already blazing on the inside.  We misinterpret things.  We react to situations based on our past hurts.  We are literally destroying our bodies with all this harbored bitterness. Often we take on offenses that really are not even there.

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So how can we overcome offenses in our lives?  Our women’s Bible study is reading a book called “Who Switched Off My Brain” by Dr. Caroline Leaf and just in the first two weeks I have learned a few things. (you can look her up YouTube and watch her amazing videos)  The main thing I want to focus on for the purposes of this blog is good trees verses bad trees.  When we are offended we have two choices:  take the offense and create a black tree or reject it and create a green, healthy one. (see Dr. Caroline Leaf videos for further understanding)  From the moment something offends us we can either choose life or death.  It really does something to the chemical balance in our bodies.

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Let me give you an example which just happened this morning.  I was driving my husband to work and he simply said to me, “Ya know, you need to slow down.”  Um, What?  I was going 40 and was ready with my defense when he further explained the speed limit had changed to 35 a few blocks back.  As I listened to his explanation I realized I had a choice to make:  Green Tree or Black Tree.  Here are the two scenarios:

  • I take on the offense:  My mind starts racing.  My blood pressure begins to elevate.  So I begin to build my defense case.  I have been driving for 31 years and have had 1, yes one, violation.  Then pride begins to boast in all its glory, my mind tries to dig up ALL of the things I have witnessed while being a passenger to his driving (which the list was very short–he is a great driver).  If I proceed with this avenue I will then become bitter and EVERY time I am driving my husband somewhere I will feel like I am not driving right according to his standards.  I would also open the door to me being critical about his driving as well.  Do you see where the bitterness grows and festers until it’s a BIG ugly black tree?
  • I decide not to be offended:  I choose in that very moment to capture this offense and give it to Jesus.  My blood pressure does not rise.  There is no place for bitterness to grow.  I know that pride will only get me into trouble and possibly a future “told you so”, besides,  growing a green, healthy tree is much simpler in the long run.  Besides I plan on spending the rest of my life riding in the car with my husband and this could have grown into one BIG UGLY black tree.

I am so THANKFUL God is renewing my mind in this area of my life.  Letting offenses fester only leads to a bitter life and possibly damages to my health.  I want to be able to love people and not take on any offenses.  The journey will not be easy, yet I accept the challenge.  I have had several instances this week where I have failed to not take on an offense, but then I remember it is a learning process.  It merely is in slowing down and making the clear choice rather than the one tainted by past hurts.

Dear Lord, I thank You for renewal of minds.  I pray You will help me to keep seeking deeper understanding in this area of my life.  I thank You that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and You meet me right where I am at.  Thank  You for healing me and guiding my steps towards greater freedom!  In Jesus Name!  Amen

 

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Got Ugly Past?

Philippians 3:13

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,
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They say honesty is the best policy and that’s how real I will be tonight.  I have seen some good things in my life and I have also seen some bad.  They also say you have to take the good with the bad, but why?  It’s like swallowing a pill without a liquid to wash it down, it gets stuck.  Another saying is bad things happen to good people, which is true but good things also happen to bad people, we just don’t publicize that one as much.  The point of my blog today is simple….we cannot hide what hurts us, it will sneak up in the most inopportune times in our lives.
When I was around the age of five, I was molested.  I was placed in a shed, doors where closed and inappropriate touching and kissing took place.  I spent some time in counseling when I was 18 and I thought I had walked out the whole process of forgiving and leaving this in the past until just recently.  I have had several shady relationships and have been taken advantage of in several ways but I did not add these all up together.  Never knew why I could not stand small spaces.  Never could quite understand why kissing was hard for me.  Really confused sometimes why it was hard for me to receive love.
As most of you know I recently got remarried to a wonderful man of God who loves me so deeply it’s hard to accept at times.  Just recently I was pushing him away and I had no comprehension as to why I would do this to someone who treated me like a princess twenty four seven.  Well last night at about midnight I was flooded with all of the ugly stuff from the past.  Yes I had dealt with the molestation but I never dealt with all the other “little” things which happened after that.  I had let these things just simmer somewhere in my past, not giving them a second thought….until last night.
Last night Satan decided to show me a whole picture show of my past violations and it hit hard as ever.  It took until two in the morning to walk through the forgiveness process. I cried, I tried to hide and I even tried to run but Jesus would not allow it.  He used my current husband to pull me out of my funk and show me the right way to feel.  I let go all of what was hindering me and the freedom which flooded my soul was explainable.  I have not forgotten what happened but the pain and hold it had on me is completely vanished.  I now can fully love my husband for who He is and not for what Satan was trying to show me he was.
Are you dealing with wanting to hide?  Has the past pains caught up with you?  Go now to the Father and deal with the issues.  God does not want you to be bound by the past.  God wants you to be free not to hide.  I encourage you today to just let ONE past hurt go.  I don’t care which one it is, just let it go.  Do not let the past have a hold so great on you that you cannot enjoy the here and now God has provided for you.

Wild Fires

Exodus 3:2

The angel of the Lord appeared to him in a blazing fire from the midst of a bush; and he looked, and behold, the bush was burning with fire, yet the bush was not consumed.
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Fire is hot.  Fire can burn.  Fire can destroy.  Fire can consume.  Fire can take away a home.  Fire can provide heat.  Fire can make you visible.  Fire can make a way.  Fire can clear land.  Fire can help you dry out.  Fire can be a tool.  Fire can help cook a meal.  Fire can be a source of light.  Fire can shape you.  Fire can began a change.
Last night for date night, John and I did oil paintings.  The instructions were to paint a picture of what we thought God was trying to show the other person.  I never thought that my husband would show me a picture with fire in it and it took me by surprise for a moment until I looked at it with a heart that was willing to change.  I gazed at the portrait with a heart open to receive what God wanted me to see.  He wanted to me to see that not all fire is destructive, that sometimes it is necessary for purging.
There are times in our lives when fire is needed.  Often when we are unwilling to give things up, God begins a slow burn in us to show us what needs to change.  As He feeds this fire, it begins to consume all the icky stuff we have hidden in ourselves….all those issues we pushed way down inside of us hoping they would go away.  All those times we were hurt by others.  Every little pain.  Even the guilt we put on ourselves.  Often we are not even ready to deal with these things yet God knows we need to so that He can move us into the next level of living a life of freedom.
So what are wild fires?  Those fires not started by God.  Those fires we think are maybe changing who we are yet they are making us feel worse.  Like that burn that comes when we continually beat ourselves up over things which are out of our control.  Things which makes us angry all the time.  These are not God fires, these are fires set out by Satan to distract us from what God wants to do in our lives.  When we become so busy putting out all of the wild fires we don’t have time to focus on the things God meant for our lives.
Drinking, drugs, partying, depression and wrong relationships are some of these fires.  When we allow these things to consume our lives we get farther and farther away from God and we just burn until we burn out.  When we come to know Jesus and ask Him to reside in us then our hearts are set ablaze with a fire that will never die out.  It is a fire which continually burns out the dead stuff in our hearts and prepares a place for new growth.
The fire that is burning in me right now is one of renewal.  A fire that is purging me of self doubt and making room for a life of freedom in what God has set out for me to do.  I am willing to be consumed in His fire.  I am willing to be changed.  I am willing for new ground to be prepared in my heart.  I am done with the past and the hurts.  Eyes on Jesus and not looking back, with arms in surrender mode, I stand on burning ground knowing full well that I am consumed in fire……a Fire that is bringing me back to Life.