Tag Archives: molested

The Final Walk

Romans 16:19-20

And so while there has never been any question about your honesty in these matters—I couldn’t be more proud of you!—I want you also to be smart, making sure every “good” thing is the realthing. Don’t be gullible in regard to smooth-talking evil. Stay alert like this, and before you know it the God of peace will come down on Satan with both feet, stomping him into the dirt. Enjoy the best of Jesus!

The reality of life can hit us really hard sometimes.  A loved one passes away.  We lose our job.  We lose our vision for life.  We get lost in sin.  We wander into a situation that is dangerous to us.  People hurt us with words.  We have so many negatives in life we often forget to see the positives.  When we start walking with Jesus we begin to see the whole picture.  We have gone through some terrible things in life, yet God promises to turn that which was bad into good.  How does this make any sense?


God can take something in your life and turn it to good just because He loves you.  When you begin to walk step by step with His purpose for your life, He can begin to show you what love really is.  He can teach you how to have peace.  He can give you the hope you need to reach the next level.  Why does He do this?  Simple. Because He loves.


Each step we take towards healing begins with us surrendering to move.  Some of us have been deeply wounded physically or emotionally. Sometimes we hold on to these things for a long time, never realizing that it is making an imprint on our lives.  Sometimes we are operating out of brokenness and don’t even know it.  We often react to things differently than normal only because we are broken in that area.  Because we offer healing to others through our testimony I am going to share a deep wounding in my life, knowing God has healing for me in it.


When I was five years old I was molested by a family friend.  I was placed in a shed, locked in while he did his dirty deed.  I was forced to be quiet as he kissed me and fondled me.  I did not know this was wrong but I remember feeling very closed in and like I had no choice but to just obey.  He was not mean to me but I knew it was still wrong.  I had suppressed this situation deep within until I was 18.  I don’t really know how this all surfaced but I think it was related to a date rape which occurred and God was allowing me to deal with it.  I went to counsel and learned how to forgive these men in my life and I thought it was all done.  I did my part to forgive, however what I did not realize is that there were emotions tied to these situations.


Recently in our marriage we have faced some issues that just did not make sense.  As we sought God for answers it became evidently clear.  My feelings of being claustrophobic sometimes consumed me.  I would shy away from my husband hugging me or sometimes I would push him away if he held me for too long.  Sometimes I would not want to kiss.  I never knew I was still emotionally tied to these events in my life.  I long to have a completely open and loving relationship with my husband, free from barriers.  I do not have a desire to rob him of the privileges of being married.  I do not want to cause division where there should be love.


When we are wounded deeply; it can only be healed by Jesus.  We need to allow Him to come in and severe those emotional ties.  Not an easy process.  Sometimes a quick healing takes place while in some circumstances; God wants us to walk slowly through the process because He has other areas of our lives He wants to heal.  Be open to healing.  Be willing to allow Jesus to do a marvelous work in your heart.  Be ready to be set free.



Got Ugly Past?

Philippians 3:13

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,
They say honesty is the best policy and that’s how real I will be tonight.  I have seen some good things in my life and I have also seen some bad.  They also say you have to take the good with the bad, but why?  It’s like swallowing a pill without a liquid to wash it down, it gets stuck.  Another saying is bad things happen to good people, which is true but good things also happen to bad people, we just don’t publicize that one as much.  The point of my blog today is simple….we cannot hide what hurts us, it will sneak up in the most inopportune times in our lives.
When I was around the age of five, I was molested.  I was placed in a shed, doors where closed and inappropriate touching and kissing took place.  I spent some time in counseling when I was 18 and I thought I had walked out the whole process of forgiving and leaving this in the past until just recently.  I have had several shady relationships and have been taken advantage of in several ways but I did not add these all up together.  Never knew why I could not stand small spaces.  Never could quite understand why kissing was hard for me.  Really confused sometimes why it was hard for me to receive love.
As most of you know I recently got remarried to a wonderful man of God who loves me so deeply it’s hard to accept at times.  Just recently I was pushing him away and I had no comprehension as to why I would do this to someone who treated me like a princess twenty four seven.  Well last night at about midnight I was flooded with all of the ugly stuff from the past.  Yes I had dealt with the molestation but I never dealt with all the other “little” things which happened after that.  I had let these things just simmer somewhere in my past, not giving them a second thought….until last night.
Last night Satan decided to show me a whole picture show of my past violations and it hit hard as ever.  It took until two in the morning to walk through the forgiveness process. I cried, I tried to hide and I even tried to run but Jesus would not allow it.  He used my current husband to pull me out of my funk and show me the right way to feel.  I let go all of what was hindering me and the freedom which flooded my soul was explainable.  I have not forgotten what happened but the pain and hold it had on me is completely vanished.  I now can fully love my husband for who He is and not for what Satan was trying to show me he was.
Are you dealing with wanting to hide?  Has the past pains caught up with you?  Go now to the Father and deal with the issues.  God does not want you to be bound by the past.  God wants you to be free not to hide.  I encourage you today to just let ONE past hurt go.  I don’t care which one it is, just let it go.  Do not let the past have a hold so great on you that you cannot enjoy the here and now God has provided for you.