Tag Archives: mirror

Stuck in an Insanity Pattern

John 13:34-35  

34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”


This morning I did my usual ritual as sad as it may be…woke up, checked Facebook and Timehop…two things for some reason I do everyday.  It’s like a trap I am stuck in of looking at the here and now updates and then checking on the past just to see if anything has really changed.  What did I discover today?  A pattern.  A cycle of insanity.  A never ending loop.  A story of start and restart which has been going on for years.  It seems like every year about this time I begin to get serious about my weight, for like a month, then it’s over until spring of the following year.  What is wrong with me?  Why can I not stick to a regiment and follow it through?

Well, I have a few ideas:

  • Lack of motivation
  • Winter in Michigan (haha)
  • The change does not come quickly enough
  • I CANNOT give up ice cream for the whole summer
  • I am too hard on myself
  • I do not see the worth in it
  • It’s too much discipline

I am sure there are a billion other  reasons I could come up with but I don’t want to bore you with the details. Let’s just say it’s been a struggle.  I am over 200 pounds right now and have been for awhile.  My husband and I just had a discussion in the car the other day about this subject and he asked me one startling question:

“If this was how you were to look for the rest of your life would you be happy?”

Nope!  That was my answer and I can barely type this blog through the tears right now.  Why would I not be happy?  God created me this way.  He loves me why can’t I?  I have changed my eating habits drastically in the last two years.  I have been soda free for over a year.  I drink one cup of decaf coffee in the morning (used to drink pots of regular) and the rest of the day I only drink water.  I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I am not much of a snacker unless you count my handful of peanut butter M&M’s.  I mainly eat veggies and chicken, not a fan of red meat.  I have done slimfast in the morning and at lunch for a few months now with no real change.  I have pushed myself to just get 8,000 steps in a day and get 3 days of 15 minutes of exercise.  I have done all I know to do with no results.  I know this has to be a life change and I also know that counting calories is not something I will do for the rest of my life.

I do struggle with my thyroid which my medication just recently changed.  I had a partial hysterectomy and removal of a pound and half fibroid and lost 7 pounds in a week.  So medically speaking there have been some struggles, however,  I know I need to get more active.  Yet somewhere inside my very soul I hear a voice speaking to me, “But I love you just the way you are.  You are beautiful no matter what size you are.  You don’t need to stress yourself out about this.  Just rest in Me.”  Wow!  How can you ignore the sweetest voice of love speaking to you?

The picture posted with this blog is me just plain.  No makeup.  Hair just combed.  No angled shot to make me look thinner.  Just me.  Just the way God created me.  Now, why do I not love her?  Why can I not accept her just as she is?  Why do I spend several minutes a day putting make up on and fixing my hair just right?  Why do I not love the image in the mirror like God does?

Now I will admit part of the make up, hair and clothes is how I am wired.  God walked me through a healing in this area about a year ago.  I love dressing up and looking my best but the problem lies within me of not ever wanting to go into public without makeup.  I even wear make up to the gym.  There are very few people who have seen me in all my plain glory and I kinda want to keep it that way…but why?

In John chapter 13 Jesus us tells us to love one another as He loves us.  Sounds simple.  However, in order to love one another we first need to learn how to accept and love ourselves.  If we do not begin to love within ourselves what good are we to others who are in the same condition?  Hate breeds hate and loves produces love.  Make sense?  So if I hate the way I am then how can I ever fully love someone else for how they are?

So what am I going to do to break the cycle I am in?  Nothing but listen to the direction of the Holy Spirit.  Jesus said when He left this world He was sending the Comforter and I am calling on Him for wisdom and direction.  I will eat what I feel is right.  I will walk when I feel prompted.  I will live according to God’s plan not mine.  I could try (and have) another diet and exercise program.  I could (and have) read another book on diet and exercise.  I could follow the next fad in diet control.  I could stress myself out in this underlying completion to be thin but I won’t.

My blood pressure is perfect.  My heart is healthy.  My lungs are clear.  My muscles are good.  Medically I am just fine, so here again why am I pushing so hard to get to a size which may not be even possible?  I choose today to just be who I am.  I choose to accept me for who I am.  I choose to listen to the Holy Spirit direction.  I choose to believe I am beautiful.

I choose to believe I am accepted and loved just as I am.

Sure was easy to type those things above, now the true test is walking this out and trusting the Holy Spirit and the plan God has for me.  Who knows, I might make it to a size 10 and weigh 150 pounds by fall, BUT, if I don’t I am going to be okay because I will be found resting in His arms safe, loved and accepted no matter what size it says on the tags of my clothes.


Dear Lord,

I have seen the tough spot I am in with this cycle of insanity.  I choose today to take one baby step in the direction of accepting the girl in the mirror just like you do.  Thank You for the work You are about to do in me.  I thank You and praise You for being my healer.  I trust now in Your plan.  Lead me.  Guide me.  Show me. 

In Jesus Name  Amen


Not Understanding, but Knowing

Mark 9:49-50

“Everyone’s going through a refining fire sooner or later, but you’ll be well-preserved, protected from the eternal flames. Be preservatives yourselves. Preserve the peace.”

Philippians 4:10-14

The Message (MSG)

Content Whatever the Circumstances

10-14 I’m glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you’re again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don’t mean that your help didn’t mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles.

Ever look into the mirror and wonder how you have gotten to where you are without crashing and burning completely?  How can you even look at the face in the reflection and have peace?  Why are you not screaming towards heaven when it all looks so dim around you?  Where does this peace come from?  Well for me it comes from faith and walking in the knowledge that God has already ordered my steps.  I often do not have an ounce of understanding about what is going on around me, yet I just know I am safe and whatever happens, God has the plans in His hands!
Just recently I had something happen in my life that should have knocked me off my foundation.  I could have found myself angry at God and the people around me. I could have become bitter and thrown a temper-tantrum for sure, yet I had peace.  I understand things will be a little tighter in the future concerning some finances, yet I have peace.  I do not understand how God can provide so much grace sometimes, yet I know He does.
Similar to Paul in the Bible, over the years I have learned to be content in what has been set before me.  I have been poor, I have been broken, I have lived in some unrealistic conditions and I have been treated unfairly in some circumstances, yet I know God provided in those moments of time.  It is from that provision that I gained the faith I have now that He will provide all things I have need of.  I have full confidence in the Lord to provide even if my wallet looks a bit dusty or I just cannot see how He will provide in the coming days.
Do you understand that God loves you right where you are and He has a plan?  He had that plan set before you even before you breathed your first breath on earth.  That is how amazing our God is. I challenge you to look in the mirror right now.  What do you see?  I can tell you what I see in you and I don’t even know most of you on a personal level…..I see a righteous child of God.  I see someone whom God loves enough to provide for your every need.  I see someone worthy of being loved.  Don’t try to understand it, just know it to be truth.

Accepting the Flaws

Colossians 1:22
Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.

Wow, when God tries to rearrange our lives what is the first thing that sticks out like a sore thumb?  Our flaws.  Every single one of our insecurities come to the surface and we have to decide if we are going to run a hundred miles in the opposite direction or stand in awe of God as He makes the corrections in our lives.  So many times we stop at the seeing the flaws, shrug our shoulders and give up when all God wants to do is heal us from the pain and redirect and rearrange our paths.

Why do we find it so hard to give it all to God and allow Him to complete a good work in our hearts, minds and souls?  What the heck are we hanging on to?  Pain? Grief? Unbelief?  Self-doubt?  Unworthiness?  Self-Pity?  Immorality? Fear?  Judgement? I could list a hundred different things and we all could fit it in somewhere in our lives.  Don’t we believe that our God is bigger than all of these tiny little things which hinder us from freely loving a God who is our Father?

How many times do we look in the mirror and we see every single flaw there is and we start speaking death over our own selves?  This is exactly where Satan desires us to reside.  Why?  It hinders our ability to move forward in the things of God.  How many times a day do we say that we are not good enough at something or I can’t do this or that or I am not deserving?  I challenge each of us to take a count tomorrow of how many negative, broken things we say to ourselves in one days time.  I am tired of God’s people not claiming who they are in Christ.

We are holy and blameless before the throne of God and we need to start claiming this royalty for our lives.  We are children of the Most High God and we are worthy.  We are accepted.  We are loved.  We are beautiful.  We are able.  We are wanted.  I really don’t understand why my heart aches for this, but God had recently shown me to surrender and in this surrender I have learned to let go.  Insecurities are just these bubbles that float around our head in need of popping.  It is time to start popping them one by one until we can clearly see who we are in Christ.

There is no going back for this chick.  I have moved on and I am moving forward as God leads me.  No longer will I look in the mirror and see my flaws for I am fearfully and wonderfully made and this my friends comes straight from God.  If God accepts me with all of my flaws, then so should I because before I can love anyone else, I need to love myself…..my whole self, no just the parts I like the most.  I pray each of you begin to see yourselves as holy and blameless and begin to accept what God is trying to speak into your life:

You ARE holy.  You ARE blameless.  You ARE worthy.  You ARE wanted.  You ARE loved.  You ARE His child.  You ARE pure.  You ARE lovely.  You ARE beautiful.  You ARE desired.  You ARE provided for.  You ARE His Beloved Daughter.  You ARE His Beloved Son.

Beauty is Already in the Ashes

Isaiah 61:3
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.

What does grace look like?  Where is it found?  How do we apply it to our own identity?  Who defines who we really are? Society? Friends? Family? Significant others? Neighbors? Ourselves?  What about God?  Do we ever allow Him to define who we are?  Chances are the answer is no.  So often we seek approval from others around us whom we think we can trust.  We search out the answers to life by probing our closest friends who are connected to God when in all reality we should be talking straight to the One who is our Provider, our Healer and foremost our Creator.  Who should know us better than the one who created us out of love?

This world we live in is just filled with standards and not many of them even measure up to God.  We only can scratch the surface of the definition of beauty.  The dictionary defines beauty as:

the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

It says beauty brings intense pleasure to the mind.  Hmmmm, let’s explore this for a moment.  Who defines intense pleasure?  Who really sets the standards?  Here again we look to media and others for the answers when we really should be looking at the Bible and choosing to live by His standards.

1 Peter 3:3-4
Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 

God loves us just as we are.  Not because of how we dress or the makeup we choose for the day.  He does not see the outward appearances we carry around even though that seems to be our focus on a daily basis.  We try so hard to please those around us that we lose out on what God has for us.  Often the focus goes too far and then we begin to compare ourselves with those around us who we think are better than we are.  We look to super models and actresses as if they define beauty for the whole world.  Why do we do this to ourselves?

God created beauty from ashes.  He called us to reside with Him and He knows we are beautiful.  He sees our hearts and that my friends is all that matters.  If you are reading this and tears are beginning to flow, it’s because the Father is asking you to see your beauty.  He is asking you to surrender all of your insecurities to Him right now and allow Him to show you the beauty that is already in the ashes.  He is asking you to see yourself through His eyes.  When He looks at you all He sees is beauty.  Stop destroying yourself by judging what you see in the mirror, I assure it is not what God sees.  The next time you stand at the mirror, ask to see Jesus in your eyes.

Dear friends, beauty is truly in the heart and nowhere else.  It’s not on the movie screen.  It is not on the cover of the latest magazine.  It is not what your friends define it to be.  It is not what your spouse even sees.  Beauty is more than skin deep, it’s heart deep.  It is the very core of who you are.  Are you ready to allow God to let you see yourself exactly how He does?  Then go now to the closest mirror and ask to see Jesus.  If you trust in Him, He will show you.