Tag Archives: house

Short Circuit

Proverbs 3:5-6

        Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

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Ever been so frustrated with things in your life that you feel as if you are about to short circuit?  I have been there so many times I cannot even imagine describing every incident which has occurred over the years.  I have come close to losing it so many times it is a wonder I am in the place I am today with any sort of peace.  It seems as if every time things are looking really up, something happens and I just want to scream.

 

Like for instance when I was married the first time and after years of alcohol and drugs running his life, my husband tried to get sober.  He admitted himself to a rehab center.  As I was driving home after I dropped him off I was so excited.  I thought to myself, “Finally!!! An end to the madness surrounding our lives!”  In my mind I started planning for all the things that were going to be different.  I was happy again for just a moment, until the next day I got a phone call asking me to pick him up.  Why?  They said he was not “addicted enough” to be at their facility.  What?  How?

 

Now, in recent times, we are trying to reestablish credit and moving into a home to rent was suggested by our Realtor so that we can move forward in buying the house we are wanting.  So we go through all of the motions to getting a loan and applying for the house to rent only to discover after 4 days of waiting that the loan was declined.  Man, I had already prepared myself for what was going to happen.  I had all the furniture set up in my head. I had a list of the things we would need right away when we moved in.  I dreamed of where we would plant our flowers and set up the bird feeder only to be crushed again by the failed opportunity of moving.

 

So, now I am right back to square one with God.  I followed what I thought He wanted me to do and it got me right back to waiting on Him.  Hmmmm…funny how He does that.  So at first I was ready to short circuit and then I thought, well, He closed a door…wonder what He really has in mind for us?  It always comes down to His timing not ours, His planning not our getting ahead of Him.  It always boils down to one simple thing…do we really trust God?

 

Are you ready to short circuit over something in your life?  Does it seem like door closing after door closing AFTER door closing?  The only advice I can even give at this point is trust in God, He has a plan.  Move forward in the things of God and He will take care of you.  Stop worrying about it and let it go, He will bring so much more back to you!

 

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False Entitlement

“Don’t brag about tomorrow, since you don’t know what the day will bring.” Proverbs 27:1 NLT

How many of us believe money grows on trees?  I would certainly hope none of us truly believe in that silly statement.  However, let us push into this issue a bit farther, shall we?  How many of us think we deserve the best of everything?  We think we deserve love that is real and flamboyant   We feel like we deserve the best of the best.  We want things in life before we can handle them and this is were we falsely think we can obtain more than we deserve.  Yes God wants us to have love.  He desires for us to be wealthy and provided for, however because of all the brokenness in our lives, we search for answers to questions we should not even be asking.

As I stood in the middle of a drug infested home, I always felt like I deserved better than what was surrounding me.  I argued with God almost daily towards the end of my battle.  Why don’t we have money to buy a new home?  Why did we have to get the gas shut off? Why do I have to daily search for empty bottles and cans just so I can put food on the table?  I have a good job.  I have enough money for these things but it has all been stolen.

That was the mindset I was in for several years and as soon as I was released, what did I do?  I bought clothes and shoes and things I really wanted that I thought I deserved.  I did not care that I had bills which needed to be paid, I felt I deserved these things because of all the hardship I had endured.  I did not have a desire to budget my finances.  I just spent until it was gone.

Thank God, He showed me the path I was on was false entitlement.  I was trying to gain back everything I thought I had lost, except I could not see it was all materialistic.  I have since sought the Father and asked for Him to show me how to not feel entitled to “things”.  I wanted to have things because He provided them for me.  Once I learned this principle for my life, I have received so many things just from the love of God it would take pages to describe all of His goodness towards me.

If you are finding that you over spend or feel like the world owes you something, I encourage you to take a step back and pray.  Ask God to reveal to what you may be wanting or feel like you are entitled to.  Begin the process of healing from this broken state of mind and open yourself up to the provision of God, for He does promise us the desires of our hearts.

Looking For the Cliff

Romans 1:12
When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.

Faith is unseen.  It is something we hope for.  Basically it is something we just are confused about.  Moving in faith means that from the moment you put yourself in the position to jump, you are surrendering yourself.  You, in that one moment of movement, are letting it all go and trusting the unseen around you to catch you if you fall or to work on your behalf while in the process of jumping.  Once you land back on your feet, everything seems to have just fallen back into place and your feet are set in motion to move forward in a new adventure.  Using your faith is like getting to the end of cliff situation in your life and jumping, letting God carry you across the great divide to place you gently in the direction you should go.  This is almost exactly how it happened with me the night God showed me how to take a leap of faith and trust Him completely.

Now, I don’t want to give away a lot of my book before it comes out, however, it is relevant that I share this tidbit with you tonight.  As I was sitting in a hospital room while my overdosed-on-drugs husband was literally fighting to live, I had to ask myself some questions:  Do I want to just keep quiet and go on with this type of lifestyle?  If I tell the nurse what repercussion will come from Brian? Did I trust God enough to take care of me if I made the choice to explain what was really happening?  At this point in my walk with God, I had been mentored by a pastor friend and we were listening to God intently.  As I sat in that room listening to the raspy sound of my husband fighting to breath and watching the heart monitor nearly stopping at times, I decided to take a huge leap of faith.  I chose in that one moment of time to trust God like I had never done before.  I stood up, got in the ready position and just jumped.

After telling the nurse about the 18 years of drug abuse and what we had been through in the last year, all fear left me.  As I retold the scenario to the doctor, my strength was renewed and as I talked to the social worker, I was beginning to feel the hope returning to my life.  As I continued this “jump” I got an order of protection just four days later, sealing the faith I had in God that He was now in control and I felt safe again.  As He gently placed me back on solid ground, I knew my hope would soon be back full force and I was headed in the right direction.  Separating from my husband was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  I was scared to be alone raising two teenagers.  Even though all of our money usually went to support his habit, I feared how I was going to support myself and two teens on my income alone.  I faltered a bit when I was denied any help from the state, including food stamps.  I wasn’t sure at some points I had made the right choice, but looking back over the last almost 3 years, God has provided in His own way.  Sure I have moments where I am panicking when the money just does not seem like it will cover, yet it always does.

Now I stand at the last piece of the “peace” to come, my trailer. I have been in prayer for so long about my house.  There are several things which need attention, yet I just cannot stand to be here anymore.  So many bad memories as I look at the missing walls and the ripped carpet.  The rotted doorway and the lack of doors on most of the rooms and the disorganization, which I just cannot not push myself to deal with.  I just feel trapped and I want out.  Sure I could spend money and fix all the things which are wrong, but it would not change how I feel about this place.  Now don’t get me wrong, there are lots of great memories here, but the key to putting my past completely behind me is getting a new home.  Recently I have been offered a home which is PERFECT.  It has room for my dad to move in.  It has space to make into a Mary Kay room for my clients and their friends.  It has land behind it for some quiet times with God amongst the trees.  It is perfect and the way it came to me was totally God!  The persons whom we are living there now are good friends of mine and they want to move to a different city, soon.  Recently they lowered the price and now once again I am taking a leap of faith and jumping off the cliff.  I do not have good credit.  I am making ends meet without much room to spare, however, I feel the hand of God gently pushing me and I am ready to take that plunge.  If God has brought me this far, He surely will carry me through to the end, even when my mind and flesh are not so willing to go.  Besides if the timing is not right and a loan is not the answer, I know God has something else in mind.  Before they lowered the price I was seeking out a few options, one of them being selling my dad’s home so we could use that as a down payment.  I was also going to start researching banks and options for buying a new home.  Every time I tried though, I felt something was holding me back.  Now part of it could have been my mind set:  How on earth do you think you can afford it?  Is it really God in the situation?

I never pursued the dream of this house.  Each time I would set aside time to call, something would come up and then I heard this small voice saying, “wait for the book”.  Perhaps the selling of my book will help me finance the home.  I am so trying to hear from God so that I am making the right choice yet I feel it in my spirit, not my gut, my spirit that this is right and I am ready to take that leap.  Living by faith takes practice.  God shows us with the little things first and then takes us onto the bigger ones.  Just like provision for my family.  Within six months of my separation, we had the heat turned back on after not having it for three years, all of our appliances were added to the trailer and I got a drivable van.  God provided it all.  Then in the recent past, He provided for me personally by giving me the money to get my dentures which I am in the process of getting.  If God can provide $5,000 for that why not $100,000 for a new home and a brand-new beginning for my family?  Nothing is too big for God and I think this is a stumbling block for many of us because we put a limit on what we think God can do.  You will know right away if something is not of God, your spirit man will know if you are in tune with him.

Faith takes surrender.  In surrendering whatever it is TOTALLY to God, we can jump.  It all begins with that personal relationship with God.  Sometimes it takes going to church and interacting with prayer partners on Saturday nights.  Perhaps it’s more quiet time away from this things we get distracted by every day.  Maybe it’s choosing the right friends to be with who will uplift us and are not afraid to point out the truth.  Often it just takes us closing our eyes, raising our hands toward heaven and telling God we are ready to jump.  Trust me, He will be there.  Once you jump and you see His goodness, you will be looking forward to the next cliff in your life.  You will want to see what He has in store for you next and as your faith grows, others will see it and begin to want to seek God on their own.  Yes, sometimes I think my story is too good to be true, yet I know my loving Father is watching over me all the time and all He is, is GOOD.

Deer in the Front Yard

“I am the Lord, who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. “But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 NLT

I just knew the story of my new home would be just this amazing God thing. Now nothing is set in stone, however all the workings of a pure God moment are in the making.  Like every good story, there is much to discover along the way and lining up all the clues is the fun part.  As I am beginning to see myself for who I am and overcoming many things in my life, I feel my last hurdle is this trailer I am currently living in.  During my marriage we neglected this trailer greatly.  My husband was good at stating projects and not finishing them and we were neither good housekeepers.  There are walls missing, cracked windows, ripped carpet and so many other things wrong with this place, not to mention the memories which go with it.  I want so badly a fresh start in a new home and God is beginning to answer my pleas.

To start from the beginning about a year ago my daughter and I were taking a drive and I saw deer in someones front yard.  Now anybody who knows me, knows deer are very special to me.  They seem to appear in my life when things are going in the right direction so I get very excited when I see them.  As we drove by I prayed out loud to God, “Lord, it would be so awesome to have a home where I could have deer in my front yard.”  Silly it may seem, but indeed a true prayer from my heart.  It was then I began to wonder if getting a new home was going to be me taking on the adventure or waiting on God.  I began to look a little bit here and there at houses.  We visited one that I thought surely was the one because we walked into the living room and there was this painting on the wall of two deer in the forest and it literally took up the entire wall from floor to ceiling.  Nope not the one.

We looked at another house near where I live, but by the time I had prayed and called, it was sold.  Then another one showed up on the market, yet again gone before I made a move.  I have been in prayer about this house as I have no extra money and my credit is not so good.  I also have a near 80 year old dad who really needs to move in with me, we thought about moving into his house but it is on the wrong side of town and not nearly big enough.  About six months ago, the church secretary, Penny stated as we were praying that she sees me in my new home by the end of the year, and this is where things get really interesting to say the least.

I have just begun a dream book as we are making them for our Mary Kay business.  I literally just began the cover and have yet to put anything in it, yet I knew the first thing would be a house.  To set the stage, about a month ago old friends of mine and I stood in the rain at 11pm at night just outside a local grocery store.  We discussed God and some other things and then parted ways.  Now we have been friends on Facebook but have not really caught up with each other in awhile. Two days ago I was beginning to give up on my dream of being in a new home before the end of the year, that was until a “wasted trip to Meijers” changed my view.

As we were exiting the grocery store, here comes my friend to return some boots which did not fit one of her kids.  We stopped and chatted again and she began to share with me her struggle of keeping up a farm some 20 minutes away every day and driving home again.  Mind you she has six kids to take care of to boot!  I clarified with her that she lived here but was keeping up a farm and she said yes, they want to move and build a house on the farmland they have but cannot sell their house because the housing market it so bad.  Long story short, she began to tell me they want to sell it for what they owe and nothing more.  My heart was beating when I asked her this simple question, “Do ever see deer at your place?”  She said they visit her garden from time to time.  Yup!  Made a point to see the house today.

One minor detail I need also mention, my son has left my home and will not return because the memories of the bad stuff is just too much for him to handle and plans to move with me if I get a house.  This means in order to move my dad in with me and my kids I need the minimum:  4 bedrooms, 2 baths and a basement.  God knew what I liked because I had begun to tell Him my dreams even though I had not quite started the book.  We walked into this house….4 bedrooms, 3 baths, full basement, fireplace, oak floors, all the appliances come with it, wooded acre of land behind the house, 2 stall garage and a vacant garage out front that could be turned into a studio for my daughter’s photography.  This house was built by the couple and is only a few years old.  It is also built with a handicap person in mind with wider door frames and hallways.  My dad having surgery on both knees has trouble getting around.

Three things in particular stood out to me.  First the master bedroom has a bathroom which as an old style tub with feet, this is something which was on my list that only God knew I wanted.  Second, their little dog’s name was Penny.  And lastly, guess where her garden is located?  Yup!  In the front yard!  I am telling you, God is good and even though the price seems to be out of my range, God will make a way.  The couple is already looking for a place to move into which will be closer to the farm until they can build a home on it and we have agreed I want the house and there is no rush to anything.  The home owner has just as great of a God story on her side because she had been crying out to God for a solution to their situation and she said today, “Who would have thought that someone would just come out of the blue and make an offer on a house that’s not even up for sale?”  God provides.  God is good.  And when you think you have had enough and are about to give up, He shows up and shows you who He really is.