Tag Archives: hospital

1 in 1,000 in Whose Ratings?

COMPASSION.jpg

Just recently I have been through some medical procedures such as a partial hysterectomy with the removal of a fibroid, an upper GI and two (yes 2) back to back colonoscopies.  I will start this blog with stating I am fine now.  God is healing my body so medical procedures is not the basis  of this blog.  The purpose of this blog is to show you the faithfulness of God and His continued pursuit of us.  I have been debating on where to start this story so I guess I will begin at the beginning.  I will apologize now that this may be a longer blog than most only because God did so many things in 96 hours I don’t want to leave out any details.

My medical issues started about 5 years ago and I have been to several doctors and tried several things to find solutions to the symptoms occurring in my body.  It has been an interesting journey to say the least but it led me to a miracle of a 4 day weekend which I will not soon forget.

In March it was decided I would see a gynecologist and a GI doctor to get to the bottom of my extremely low iron level which was discovered in February.  The result of these two appointments was a hysterectomy, an upper scope and a colonoscopy.

Now this is a key to my whole story.  As I sat in the GI office I said to God, I really do not wish to have a colonoscopy and I CLEARLY heard Him say in my spirit, “You will be having a colonoscopy.”  Was I happy with that plan? Nope.  Was I going to go through with it? Yup.  If I have learned anything in 48 years of living it is to listen to God the first time and be at peace because He knows every detail of my life.

Hysterectomy was a huge success which cleared up so many issues and the upper GI showed no signs of bleeding which would cause low iron. Only thing left on the list was the dreaded colonoscopy and this is where the story really begins. (yes there are some gory details but all medical I promise) And just for the record I tried getting out of having the colonoscopy done but the Lord quickly reminded me of our earlier conversation.

I will do this day by day so as not to miss anything.  Keep in mind as you read the rest of this blog:  It was never about me.  It was always about what God wanted to do through me and my obedience.

THURSDAY:

2:30 pm Arrive at the hospital after 2 days of liquid diet and prepping for the colonoscopy.  I was not nervous because I knew God was in it.  Happy I had lost 5 pounds in two weeks.  Laughter broke out among the nurses and doctor as I was being prepped with the IV and such, so I knew God was there.

3:45 pm Surgery was over.  Doctor removed 4 polyps and explained it was a good thing I came in now rather than at age 50 as they could have grown quite large in 2 years.  (At this moment I was thinking this was the reason I heard God say I was going to have the colonoscopy.)  Doctor said there may be some bleeding at first only because of the removal of the polyps but nothing to be concerned about.

4:30 pm I was home and resting.  Ate dinner at 8:30 pm.  First bowel movement and there was blood.  I dismissed it as I figured it was to be expected.  Went to bed!  Crossed colonoscopy off my not-bucket list and looked forward to returning to work in the morning.

FRIDAY:  

6:10 am  Went to the bathroom and it was mainly blood.  Still no panic.  Went back to bed only to need to go two more times with significant blood.  Read through my paperwork and it said if there is more than a tablespoon of bleeding call the doctor.  Woke my husband up and explained the situation.

7:00 am Emergency room visit.  45 minutes later it was decided I would be admitted to the hospital with another colonoscopy to be done on Saturday.  Nurse proceeded to add a second IV port in my hand just in case I needed a transfusion and I was informed I would have blood drawn every 6 hours to check my levels. (UGH  I had needles)  At this moment I am not sure what I was thinking, however, this peace came over me as I made the realization if God said I was going to have a colonoscopy then He KNEW this would happen and there is a reason for it.  Perhaps something was missed.

11 am to 6 pm  Continual trips to the bathroom.  Every time I tried to drink water or chicken broth or eat jello it would just go right through me.  I stopped eating at 1 pm trusting the nurse when she said I would be fine with just the IV.

Got to share with the nurse a bit about John and I’s testimony.  Shared my personal struggles with her to which she opened up and shared as well.  For a moment there I thought I was there for her but God had MUCH bigger plans than just one person.

So to set the scene where it stopped being about me, after all I am in the palm of God’s hand and I trust He knows what He is doing.  I am in a room with another lady.  Her curtain was pulled all the way around her bed.  She was coughing continuously.  I felt bad for her and this is where compassion had to become the path I would choose.

6:45 pm  Start drinking the stuff for the colonoscopy prep.  Starts working almost immediately and I can no longer handle the IV and get to the bathroom in time so I am reduced to using the commode and it’s pretty much where I sat for the next 3-4 hours.  I kept trying to move farther and farther away from the curtain so as to be a bit hidden.

7 pm  My roommate’s family comes to visit her for a little while.  I over hear the conversations and the final conversation she had with her husband before he left for the night was that she thought she was dying.  His response was “Please don’t say that, you are scaring me.”  He stayed a little while longer watching televison with her and then left.

8:30 pm  My husband comes up to say goodnight and felt strongly compelled to pray for my roommate.  Somehow he had met her parents on his way up to see me and he felt God was asking him to pray.  As he was praying with her I prayed too.  I thought I heard her say, “You are so kind”  but later I found out she said, “You are just in time.”

9:30 pm – 10:30 pm  I can’t really explain what happened next except there was an atmosphere shift.  Things just felt eerie.  As the cleaning out process was raging through my body I was unable to move so I began to text my husband.  We prayed for strongholds to be broken and for the comforter to come.  We prayed for ministering angels to come as well.  Things started to wind down and peace came.

10:30 pm  Lights out!  Okay this is the part of the story when I knew this whole ordeal was about compassion.  This was my chance to pass a test concerning bitterness and selfishness.  Now remember, I knew God was in this and medically I would be okay so obviously this was not about my health completely.  At 10:30 my roommate got up and asked the nurse in the hallway if there was a “Lights Out” time to which the nurse said no and then proceeded to ask me if I would mind turning my light off.

Ummmmm…WHAT?  Here is where the offense and bitterness could have really taken hold.  I am immobile at the moment, yes, however, you really want me to sit in the dark and continue this cleaning out process?  I felt that check in my spirit and told the nurse she could shut off the light.

In that very moment I knew that my suffering was temporary and that I was going to be okay, I did not know that for sure for her.  Compassion arose as I put myself in her shoes.  She had been sick since January and awaiting test results concerning her liver and kidneys…I knew my outcome would be favorable..she did not.

10:45 pm “Do you mind if I shut the door?,” she asks through the curtain.  Sigh!  At least I had the light from the hallway and now if she shut the door I was reduced to the light under the bed and a security light.  My reply, “Nope, I don’t mind at all.”

11:00 pm  Restlessness.  Snoring.  Tapping.  More and more coughing.  I texted my husband and prayed some more.  Felt like we were battling for her.  She used the restroom and then after what seemed a long time she returned to bed and took her last few breaths.

11:30 pm Dead silence and then a whirlwind of activity arose in the room.  Lights were flipped on.  Code blue was called.  They began CPR and were trying their best to bring her back.  As I sat there on the edge of the bed (my cleansing was just about over it seemed)  I overhear a nurse say that they needed to get me out of the room.

Here is yet another chance for offense.  My phone was almost dead.  My charger was in the wall and I cannot reach it.  I am still not sure I am done cleaning out.  AND now I have to leave my room, walk past my roommate without looking in that direction and go to a different room.

I chose compassion.  Even as they left me in another room with yet another roommate, with no commode and a phone which was almost dead I knew this was not about me.  It was probably at least 45 minutes before they checked in on me and all I could say when the nurse asked if I was okay was , “I am fine.  I want to know that you are okay.”

**side note..my husband asked me why God let her die to which I said we don’t get to decide Jesus does.  Perhaps (not knowing what her test results would have been) taking her home to heaven was Him healing her.  I remember hearing her say Jesus several times as she was struggling in that last hour.  If this medical issue had to happen so that my husband could pray the love of the Father over her then nothing was in vain.  Jesus left the 99 to come after her and what an honor that He chose my husband and I to be His co-labors.

My friends this is compassion.  Putting the needs of others before yours in any circumstance KNOWING God is in control and you are in the palm of His hand.

SATURDAY

8 am  Colonoscopy #2  Discovered I was bleeding around one of the clamps.  Doctor said I was 1 in 1,000 cases.  Boy did I feel special knowing that only 1 in 1,000 people have to do two colon cleanses back to back….

9:30 am  Back in my room still a bit groggy.  Since I had not slept at all Friday I thought this would be a great opportunity to get some much needed sleep.  I thought wrong.  My new roommate was this very sweet lady who was going to have her second stomach cancer surgery in the morning.  At first I thought we were just going to be roommates but my compassion kicked in again and we began sharing stories.  Then just as I was about to sleep she began to call everyone on her phone list to let them know when her surgery would be and where she was.

Here again a chance to be offended especially since now I am sleep deprived.  I still chose compassion.  She was facing cancer.  I was fixed back up.  So I put my headphones in and turned up some worship music.

10:30 am  Roommates entire family shows up…I have decided sleep is drastically overrated and just give up.  BUT then I have to use the restroom..ugh..there goes any shred of dignity I may have had left as I proceeded to parade to the bathroom in my beautiful hospital gown amongst all of her closest freinds and family.

So the rest of my day consisted of attempted sleep, clear liquid diet, chatting with my roommate and blood draws.  AND THEN the crushing news came that I would not be able to go home when my husband got out of work.  I cried.  Literally sat there and cried as the doctor left the room.  I was just devastated.  I just wanted to go home.  I just wanted sleep.  I just wanted all of this to be over.  I argued with God for a bit and I knew I was not going to win.  He had one more assignment for me.

12 pm blood draw

(clear liquids only)

6 pm blood draw

(liquid diet..lol  pretty much the same as clear liquid)

I was beginning to let fear arise in me every time it got close to a blood draw time.  They were having difficulty finding a place to draw.  I was also becoming fearful of eating anything because I was not absolutely positive the bleeding had stopped.  Now everyone who knows me knows I do not have panic attacks or allow fear to run rapid in my life.  I am sure part of it was being over tired and hungry but I am a feeler so I am sure I was picking up some of the fear which lingers in hospital settings.

9:30  My husband comes to tell me good night.  My roommate had taken a sleeping pill and was sleeping soundly.  I FINALLY feel like I can sleep.  I did!  Woke up feeling like I had won the lottery.  I thought I had slept for like 6 or 8 hours and I had missed the midnight blood draw only to discover is was 8 minutes to 12 and anxiety erupted as I heard her coming down the hall.

I drifted in and out of sleep counting down the time to my last blood draw and banking on the promise from the doctor that I would be her first stop and I would be able to go home.

7:20 am  Doctor says I can go home!  I have to order breakfast first and then I can get dressed and call my husband.  Man, I could not get to that phone fast enough to order breakfast!

7:30 am  Calling down for breakfast and start chatting with the lady about what I would like and one thing leads to another.  I discover her husband had a heart attack that Monday and they were facing a great deal of testing in the near future.  I was able to speak life into her situation and give her some encouragement.  My final assignment.  I could go home.

 

In conclusion God did so many amazing things while I was in the hospital.  I learned what true compassion was.  I learned to put myself last and others first.  I was able to pray for a dying woman, the nursing staff, the lady with stomach cancer and the kitchen staff all while I was dealing with my own emotions and health issues. I learned Jesus comes for the 1.  He will always come for the one.  I was not 1 in 1,000 I was 1 in 100 and He left me to go search out the others.  He knew I was okay right where I was and came seeking those who were lost.

One last thing which I call the icing to my cake….I was a bit worried because now I had lost two days of work.  Things were already a bit tight and I was not looking forward to seeing how low my paycheck was.  As I opened the envelope to discover the amount could not have been figured correctly…it was way more than I expected.  I flipped the check over to discover we had received a bonus. There was enough to cover my two missed days with some left over.  God is so faithful to those who follow after Him.

God is so good.  God is so kind.  His love is overwhelming.  He will leave the 99 to find the one every time!  I encourage you to listen to the song “Reckless” by Cory Asbury.  Tune out everything else and just listen to this song.  I believe God will speak to you through the lyrics.  

Reckless Love

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Just a Bunch of Rocks

 

Luke 19:28-40

The Message (MSG)

God’s Personal Visit

28-31 After saying these things, Jesus headed straight up to Jerusalem. When he got near Bethphage and Bethany at the mountain called Olives, he sent off two of the disciples with instructions: “Go to the village across from you. As soon as you enter, you’ll find a colt tethered, one that has never been ridden. Untie it and bring it. If anyone says anything, asks, ‘What are you doing?’ say, ‘His Master needs him.’”

32-33 The two left and found it just as he said. As they were untying the colt, its owners said, “What are you doing untying the colt?”

34 They said, “His Master needs him.”

35-36 They brought the colt to Jesus. Then, throwing their coats on its back, they helped Jesus get on. As he rode, the people gave him a grand welcome, throwing their coats on the street.

37-38 Right at the crest, where Mount Olives begins its descent, the whole crowd of disciples burst into enthusiastic praise over all the mighty works they had witnessed:

Blessed is he who comes,
    the king in God’s name!
All’s well in heaven!
    Glory in the high places!

39 Some Pharisees from the crowd told him, “Teacher, get your disciples under control!”

40 But he said, “If they kept quiet, the stones would do it for them, shouting praise.”

rocks1

 

I am a rock.  You are a rock.  Here a rock.  There a rock.  Everywhere a rock, rock!!  Sorry that’s just what came in to my head as God told me to write about rocks today.  He showed me this vast quarry filled with tons and tons of rocks. Some were big, some small.  Some tiny and some massive.  Colors of every kind could be found among these rocks.  They had different shapes and sizes.  Some were sharp while others were smooth as silk. Some were even both rough and smooth.  Some were even broken.  Many of these rocks were saturated in the water while others lay out upon the dry sandy ground.  No matter where the rocks were located, they were being worked on.

Does this look anything like our Christian society today?  Some of us are rough around the edges while others are smooth.  We all come in different shapes and sizes AND we come from all different places.  Do you see the picture?  God wants us to see the whole picture I think and it goes back to the saying “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover”, we could say the same thing about these rocks.  We should not be judging a rock by is size, shape or color or even where it came from.  Our journey with rocks this week will unveil the meaning of how we are transformed constantly.  Each of is a work in progress and God is not done with any of us!

How Are You Finding Joy?

Psalm 9:2
I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O Most High.

To continue on with my theme for the week, I want to continue thankfulness even when we think things are not as they should be.  Take for instance getting a new home and you were hoping for 3 bedrooms and God provides a more than sufficient home according to His promise of provision but the home only has 2 bedrooms and you really wanted the third one for a new office.  Did you really need a new office?  Is there somewhere else in this home where you could fit an office?  Often times we are just not happy with what God gives us and we complain and are ungrateful because it does not have all the bells and whistles we wanted. We should be thankful in the end for the roof over our heads. God knows what we need and He will not give us more than we can handle.  And I know for sure He provides for our needs at just the right timing.

Let’s take a closer look at misunderstood provision as it played a huge role in my life.  Here I was in the middle of relationship with my husband that was growing darker and darker every day.  My typical day towards the end of my disaster consisted of:  getting the kids ready, going to work for 9 hours, finding money for dinner and kerosene, finding my husbands next fix, endless trips to the emergency room and so much more.  This happened over and over again and as I cried myself to sleep each night, I laid there wondering when the end would come.

Then, in the scheme of things and my bewilderment God stepped in and took my husband from the scenario.  He freed me from the hell I was operating out of on a daily basis and do  you know as I sat in that hospital room I still did not want to let anyone know about what was happening everyday in my life?  I was literally afraid of how I was going to make it if my husband was not in the picture any more?  Now I look back and just shake my head and giggle to myself , “oh ye of little faith.”

God had given me an out and I still was not happy it seemed.  Now I would have to raise two teenagers alone on  the salary of just me.  Here I was with no gas on at the trailer, no working appliances and a van that just did not run right and my husband was the one who did most of the cooking and the fixing of anything broken. I was in a panic because I did not know how to cook on a an outside grill. I just could not see it at the time the wonderful provision God had already in motion because I just wanted Him to fix my husband.  Now I look back and as I can see more of the bigger picture, I see what God had in mind all along and in order for these things to happen, there had to be a separation.

Next Blog:  more on the separation and how it has drawn me ever so close to God