Tag Archives: healing

Towels in the Washer

caution speed bump

Let me set the scene for this blog:

Busy day at work. Phones ringing.  Orders coming in.  Got behind.  Having company over for dinner.  Need a roasting pan for the chicken.  Go to Walmart.  Husband asked to have money put on our debit card.  Wait in line for 20  minutes.  Get home and prepare chicken.  Won’t be done until 9 pm.  Go to lie down before company comes over.  Husband asks for the laundry to be moved from the washer to the dryer.  GROAN!  Just sat down.  Feet hurt from 5 mile walk from day before.  Contacts are dry.  Slight headache from work day.  HANGRY.  Open lid to washer and find towels in with the regular clothes.

TICKING TIME BOMB EXPLODES AND HUSBAND IS THE NEAREST VICTIM!

How often do the most innocent persons in our lives get the brunt of our bad days?  I am not sure that I have ever gone off on my husband like I did yesterday.  Words I usually do not spew out were flying like missiles aimed directly at him with intent to harm.  I did not care in that moment what I said I was just so angry I let everything I said become like a personal attack on an innocent bystander.  I quickly apologized after I cooled down and it is a good thing my husband knows my heart enough to realize I meant nothing I said in those heated minutes of World War III happening right before his eyes.  I mean today I can at least laugh about it.  The look of bewilderment and surprise on his face was truly priceless, poor guy.

Well that was just a precursor to today’s volcanic eruption.  I got a good night sleep and we even slept in, however, something was still off with me.  I noticed my left shoulder was aching and this usually only means one thing…rejection was trying to rear it’s ugly head.  I had my husband pray over me before we started our day.

Kinda wish I would have just left it alone.

 

After returning home from our morning coffee and a drive before hubby went off to work, I went inside to get my camera and a bite to eat.  I don’t want to get into too many details but you will need a little background story to understand what happened next.  We live with my 86 year old father because he is unable to live alone.  He gets around okay and can still take care of himself but he can’t do laundry and upkeep on the house.  Besides on the occasion when we do leave for a few days he gets fearful and something usually arises.  Anyways, dad is very protective of the refrigerator for some reason (we are guessing fear of some kind)  and things are not to be kept in there for very long and must be put into the smallest container possible.  So for the last 5 years there has been an ongoing frustration with what and how we keep things in the frig.

When I went into the kitchen the first thing dad said from his chair in the living room was “What are you going to do with the chicken from last night?”  I replied with an I don’t know at the moment, perhaps make chicken soup tomorrow.  This response was not what he was hoping for and me having my own agenda for the day already planned out, this simple situation turned into World War IV.  I cringe to even relive the live action warfare which conspired again.  I apparently touched a live wire somewhere in my brain and again here I was spewing words (to my own father) that should never have been released from my mouth.  In anger I took the chicken and threw it in the garbage dumpster outside, grabbed my purse and my camera and left.

I immediately called my husband in tears and frustration.  What was happening to me?  I was a wreck.  Acting out of character.  Using unsavory language at people I loved.  Of course he reminds we prayed for God to come in and heal whatever was causing the pain in my shoulder.  And then he said, “Resentment.  You are dealing with resentments from your past.  And maybe it has something to do with it being Mother’s Day tomorrow.  I don’t know, but let Daddy to heal you.”

So with a heavy heart I started seeking God in what to do.  I took my camera out and visited several of my favorite spots which is how I connect with God the best.  I captured birds, turtles, flowers, geese and their babies and even a muskrat only to discover on my journey that God had me stop and ponder at a tree.  A tree with a strip missing like a fresh wound.  He said this pain was from a fresh wound, yet it was an old pain which had been ripped open by life’s circumstances.

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He told me to keep walking there was something else He wanted to show me.  On my way back to my car I used the same path so I saw things going back that I had not seen on the first time through.  I stumbled upon this tree which had been abused my woodpeckers.

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God started explaining to me what I was looking at.  On the surface you can clearly see there has been damage and an entry way into the inner most part of the tree.  On closer inspection one could see cobwebs where something else had taken up residency.  Then looking even deeper you would see the wound itself was torn to shreds.  The top hole appears to have no ending, yet there is a light which shines through the darkness of it.

wounds

This is what so many of us deal with day after day.  We get wounded at some point in our lives and people keep attacking it, over and over and over again until we are empty inside.  Then, when we allow God to tend to our brokenness  He shines His light within us and begins to heal that which has hurt us for so long.  The key here is allowing God in.  So many times we want to fix it all on our own.  We don’t want anyone’s help.  We often feel that it was our fault in the first place that we are hurting.  We didn’t do something right.  We were not good enough at some point.  We deserved the abuse.

I am still not quite sure what I am dealing with but I do feel more at peace after spending some time with the Lord today.  I still am trying to process the loss of my mom two months ago today and there is a lot of pain with that wound.  The tape which plays over and over again that “I am not good enough” and “I can’t do anything right” taunts me even when I try to just close my eyes and ignore it.  

In conclusion, don’t you wish sometimes that life came with warning signs so we would know when to brace ourselves?  Speed Bump.  Road Impassable.  Water May Go Over Road.  Bridge Might be Icy.  Dead End.  No Outlet. Watch for Emergency Vehicles.  Do Not Enter.  One Way.  Caution Pedestrians.  Road Construction Next 20 Miles.  Railroad Crossing.  Yield.  Stop.  Frequent High Wind.  Narrow Bridge.  Pavement Ends.  Deer Crossing.  If only life could send us signs along the way we could prepare ourselves for what is coming up next.  We could be on guard for any mishap which may happen along life’s journey.  Sometimes things just come out of nowhere and we are blindsided, that is where God needs to come in and redirect our steps.  We need to trust Him enough to know the road ahead of us and let Him send the Holy Spirit to give us the warning signs to keep us on track.

Dear God, Be near me today and expose that which You want to heal in me.  Teach me to trust You with littlest of things to the great big ordeals.  I thank You for healing me from my deepest wounds.  I trust you with them.  Shine Your light on my innermost being so that I may be lead in the right direction.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

 

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Who Took My Blankie?

My very own

Just recently I had a passionate conversation and I wished I had recorded it, however, I will do my best to repeat the magnitude of what was said.

We are born.  Not by our own choice, but God’s.  We come into this world very unaware of our surroundings.  No clue perhaps in those first few moments of taking our first breaths.  Then as if out of nowhere there is a cutting.  A sudden revelation of a separation takes place.  The life line which you had been connected to for nine or so months suddenly is gone.

Now of course in those early stages of life we don’t actually have those thoughts running through our heads as birthing is a natural process which has been happening in this earth for a very long time.  For those who have anxiety at the moment you can probably close your eyes and imagine that whole beginning scene.  Those with separation issues could also relate.  What you once knew as comfort and connection is suddenly gone. Taken away.

So let’s take this to the next level.  As children we often cling to things such as stuffed animals, dolls or the ever so popular blankie.  These items become very important to us in early life.  You share EVERYTHING with this object, things you probably never told anyone else except for maybe your imaginary friend if you had one around.  I remember my son had a favorite teddy bear.  He went every where my son went.  If it was time for Teddy to have a bath, my son would stand by the washer and dryer until the whole process was complete.  He was clearly attached.

For the purposes of this discussion I am going to use the representation of the Blankie as I move through this next phase.  The Blankie is going to represent things we cling to in life as a comfort: food, family, friends, secret sins, drugs, alcohol and the likes.  Anything which we choose to go to instead of God.  As with the Blankie, we develop a relationship with our source of comfort.  It’s the one thing we know that will never let us down, it does not have the ability to.  We know when no one else understands us, our Blankie will.  It will comfort us.  Keep us close.  Never rejecting us.  Always a true friend and confidante.

What happens when God asks us to let go of the Blankie so that He can be our comfort, our true friend and confidante?  Of course!  We panic.  We cling all the tighter to our Blankie because a fear rises up in us.  How can we trust anyone else with our Blankie?  It knows us inside and out and would never hurt us or reject us or leave us hanging.  How do we know we will find comfort after we let go of the Blankie?

It all comes down to trust.  A trust beyond all thinking.  A trust so strong you have no choice but to cling to it instead of your false comforts.  For you see, a Blankie is just a false representation of love and trust.  In the end, you can’t take it with you.  It will be burned up with the things of the past.  You will step into heaven and God will be there.  Not your Blankie,–your false comfort.

God is calling us to trust Him with EVERYTHING.  Just like we shared our entire early stages of life with said Blankie, God wants you to choose to trust Him.  He wants to be your comfort.  Your security.  You source of Acceptance.

Some of us are still clinging to our Blankies.  We are at a point in our adult lives where we are afraid of being hurt and disappointed.  We don’t want to give up the very thing which has been there all along.  Drugs, alcohol, secret sins, food, bad relationships and various other addictions are not our security.  They are not our comfort.  They are not to be trusted.  Only God. God is the only one who will never let you down.  He will be there from the beginning until the end.  You can take Him where ever you go.  You can share every secret with Him.

One final thought.  In the beginning, we are not the ones who get to choose who cuts the cord.  When it comes to our false comforts we don’t have to do anything but trust God to take them and heal us from the aftermath.  We run around this big earth thinking we have to do more.  Thinking we are the ones who have to fix ourselves before we can go to God.  Those are lies.  God will take your Blankie.  All you have to do is believe.

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Dear Lord, Help me today to trust you with my Blankie.  I choose today to trust you with my Blankie.  I believe You can be trusted.  I believe You are my source of comfort and security.  Lord let me learn that the past is behind me and You are right in front of me, waiting to heal me.  I thank You Lord for removing those things in my life which are not of You.  I pray for all those who feel stuck in their sin or addictions that they made find true comfort in You alone and be healed from their wounds.  In Jesus Name.  Amen.

The Darkness of the Cocoon (a continuation)

Lighta

 

“So it’s time to enter into darkness,” says no one ever!  As seekers of a Christ centered life we are compelled to search for the light to be filled with holiness and purity as Christ was.  No one desires to be left in darkness.  Not one of us with a right mind want to continue on in the state we are in, it’s only when darkness broods in our lives that our thought processes become tainted.  We walk around with our caterpillar mentality thinking that we will never change.  No one notices me.  I will always be in this state of mind.  I am just ordinary and have no purpose so I will just walk around in circles until I die.

I am hear right now speaking life!  I am speaking light!  I am speaking into the heart of darkness and saying, “Let there be Light!”  My heart breaks that so many people are in the bondage of the caterpillar stage of life.  In my first marriage I always hoped things would change, I never did anything to actually change it.  God had to wait until I was desperate enough to want out.  He had to wait until I desired something different.  He had to be patient enough to wait until I was ready to enter into the cocoon where transformation could begin.

Now this may sound like we are going backwards, but bear with me.  We are born into this world and like I said in the previous blog, we begin to eat up everything of this world, it’s like we don’t know anything different.  Then one day, we have an encounter with God and we begin the healing process.  We begin to believe that we have a purpose and that we are worthy of love.  We start to look in the mirror and see that change is happening.  We suddenly decide that change needs to continue and we surrender what we know as life to God and He begins the process.

We enter into a stage that I am calling the cocoon stage only because this is where the darkest things in our life are revealed, transformed and changed.  It is in the cocoon stage that we are hidden in a darkness not like the worlds but we are hidden by God.  We are protected from the influences of the outside carnal world.  We reside in a place where only God can touch us and transform our thinking.  He turns the “I ain’t good enough”  into “I have worth”.  He takes the “I am ugly” and changes it to “I am beautiful”.  He takes the “I can’t” and molds it into “I can do all things through Christ!”.

Most importantly He takes our lifeless flesh bodies and turns them into wings of life and freedom.  When we emerge from the cocoon at the end of the process we emerge whole and full of life.  We no longer desire to eat of the world but we desire to drink in the goodness of God.

Are you tired of eating the garbage of the world?  Do you have a desire to change?  Do you want to be free?  Happy? Joyful? Content?  Then it’s time to enter the cocoon.  It’s time for you to allow God to penetrate you to the core with His love, mercy and grace.  Don’t be fooled by the devil into thinking that you are not worth the time it takes to change because you are.  Others are waiting for your transformation process so that they too can witness the loving kindness of God.

Like Toothpaste

 

And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water.
waterspiget
So what is it like to empty yourself out and let God have free reign in your life?  It means that you allow God to go into the deepest inter most parts of yourself and let Him do a good and thorough healing.  It means being willing to do what it takes to be an over-comer.  It also means running the race until the end knowing that at the finish line there is a greater freedom than you have ever known before.
During this process it starts with a self examination of who you are.  You begin to assess your current situation and make a decision if it is time to let God have a peek into your mess.  Questions to ask yourself:
” Am I ready to let go?”
“Am I ready to trust God with this issue in my life?”
“Am I willing to trust and obey whatever God says needs to happen?”
Once you have said yes to all of these questions then it is time to step out in faith and let God do a mighty work in your life.  It will be difficult in some situations because we feel that we need to fix our own issues before we can even go to God for help.  This is a lie from the enemy to keep us standing in stagnant waters.  Choose to let God in and watch what He does.
As the process of overcoming begins it will be gentle at first.  God will deal with the easy pieces before He gets to the center of things, kind of like a jigsaw puzzle, you get the outer edges put together first and then you fill in the rest.  As the pieces of restoration start coming together into a masterful work of art, it gets tougher to find the right pieces and put the puzzle together but you can’t give up, keep letting God do the work.
Towards the end of the process you will feel as though you were a tube of toothpaste and God is squeezing every last bit of wrong thinking, disbelief, unforgiveness, self-hate, doubts and misbehaving out of you.  You will feel so empty that it hurts, and then God begins to fill you up with the truth of His love and grace.  As He begins to pour into you, a sense of completeness and peace begins to fill you.  All of a sudden you see the whole beautiful picture and you fall to your knees with praise for God.
I admit, not an easy process when you choose to let God have full reign in areas of your life but it is so worth it, especially when we come to the realization that we have nothing to do with it, it’s all God:

Ephesians 2 The Message (MSG)

He Tore Down the Wall

1-6 It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.

So be willing to be squeezed out and refilled with the precious love of Jesus.  From our bellies will flow rivers of living water.  Once we are right with God and have allowed Him to heal our wounds, what a benefit we will be to those who are hurting and in need of a Savior!

Ostrich Syndrome

The enemy hunted me down; he kicked me and stomped me within an inch of my life. He put me in a black hole, buried me like a corpse in that dungeon. I sat there in despair, my spirit draining away, my heart heavy, like lead. I remembered the old days, went over all you’ve done, pondered the ways you’ve worked, Stretched out my hands to you, as thirsty for you as a desert thirsty for rain.
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Ever just dealt with something over and over again.  You do everything in your power to fix it and make it work.  You have exhausted every bit of you into the situation with the same results..no change.  What about those situations that come at you so quickly the only reaction you have is to go ostrich and bury your head?  When this happens you are just praying it will go away and quickly.  If you can’t see it, it can not affect you.
I call this the Ostrich Syndrome.  The ability to bury your head in the sand and pretend as if you cannot be seen.  Can you just picture this in your mind?  Even if we bury our heads the rest of our body is open for attack, in fact you would be in for a more fatal blow from the enemy at this point.  When we just bury our senses so to speak so that we don’t have to taste, smell, see or hear our enemies we are still open to him touching us.
A good example of this is when I was in my past marriage I often closed my eyes and hoped it would all just go away.  I no longer wanted to hear the screaming or taste the tears.  I didn’t want to see the pain in my children or smell the rottenness of the mess I had gotten myself into.  There were days when I would just bury my head and pretend I was free from the attacks.  It never worked.  I still felt the stings from the enemy.  My ex-husband still drank. Still smoked. Still searched daily for  his next fix.  Meanwhile with my head in the sand I was oblivious to what was really going on around me.
My children were hurting.  My heart was breaking.  I was slowly being erased by the enemy.  My life no longer mattered.  I wanted to just run away but I couldn’t because my head was buried in the sand. While I still had my head in tact, the rest of me was being attacked by the enemy.  I no longer cared what I looked like.  I had lost all hope in ever having a life.  The enemy had me exactly where he wanted me…buried..oblivious to what was happening..dead to life…hopeless.
Then one day I lifted my head and began to see what was happening.  It was then that I saw this hand reaching out to me and I began to lose the need to bury my head or run away.  Suddenly I wanted to face all of the disaster surrounding me and stop closing my eyes hoping everything would just disappear.  What a feeling as I began to shake the dirt from my head.  I began to hear clearly what God wanted for my life.  I could see a way out.  I started to taste freedom and I could feel the presence of God begin to take over my entire being.  I could smell the fragrance of Jesus in the air.
What caused me to pull my head out? I don’t really know.  I just knew inside of me that I was done with being buried in the sand.  I was done with the attacks from the enemy.  I was just done with all of it and I either could leave my eyes shut and my head buried in the sand or I could break free and run to Jesus.
Today I am grateful for freedom.  I am free to love again even when I thought it to be impossible.  I am free to be me and feel accepted.  I still have things to work through but for the most part I am healed.  I have hope now. No more ostrich syndrome for me!  I want to see everything God is doing in my life!

Pick Me! Pick Me!! PICK ME!!!!

 

John 3:16 

For God so loved the world that He GAVE us His only Son so that whosoever believes in Him shall have life eternal.

chooselove

 

How many times in our lives to we stand in places where we are chosen?  Getting a job.  Participating in the school drama.  Being picked in elementary school for the dodge ball team.  Entering a contest.  Waiting to be picked for someone’s prom date.  Waiting to be chosen as a wife or husband.  So many areas in our life for disappointments.  Everso many chances for woundness.  Opportunities for Satan to enter into our world and have his way.  How lucky are we that God will always choose us?

 

I think there are some persons reading this that just need to get this in their spirit.  Because He LOVED us FIRST, He gave us life!  Abundant life is at our fingertips.  Because He LOVED us FIRST, He gave us a free will.  We have the ability to choose Him for our lives when He already has chosen us for His own.  Because He LOVED us FIRST, we get to inherit ALL of the things He promises in the Bible.  So why do we feel so unloved and unchosen?  Perhaps it was our past lives before we knew Jesus.  Maybe we still have it stuck in our heads that no one picked us for the dodge ball team in third grade and therefore, we are not worthy of ever being picked for anything, especially the work of the Kingdom.

 

BECAUSE He loved us He gave us life and life abundant.  Get this into your spirit.  Stop what you are doing right now and repeat that like a bizzilion times.  He loves you.  He desires to be in a relationship with you.  No man or woman on this earth can give you what God has to offer.  Your healing does not come from a book or time or doctors….your inner healing only comes from Jesus.  When we accept Jesus as our PERSONAL Savior, we are made new.  Our old life is passed away and we are free to choose to love again.  As new creations in Christ it’s like we have a fresh new start.  We get to choose a new life of abundant love .

 

Today..choose Jesus.  Today…accept your inheritance.  Today….begin to take hold of yourself as a new Creation.  Move forward  from this moment and dive into what God has in store for you.  Begin your new life with the knowledge that it is His choice to love you.  It is His choice to give you abundance.  It is His choice to show you love like you have never seen or felt it before.  Choose today to be a new Creation in Love and choose to take up your inheritance and run with God. Choose to be Loved!!!

Expired

Psalm 103:5

He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!
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Ever wake up in the morning, jump out of bed, run around the house and praise God for a new day? For me, even though I am a morning person, this has yet to happen.  Usually I am trying to pry my eyes open wide enough to hit the snooze button for the third time before rolling out of bed to face my day.  Yes I have paused and been grateful for another day but never really have the attitude that I should have.
Each new day means a fresh start at what ever was going on yesterday.  Maybe we really made some bad choices concerning our lives and instead of dwelling on the what ifs or the how comes, we should choose to change our thinking and embrace the new day as a chance to do it again the right way.  Take a moment and just ask God what you can do differently today to make a change for the better.
I know sometimes it seems hard to put the past in yesterday.  We seem to carry it into our new day quite by accident.  It’s like we pack a suitcase the night before just in case we need these emotions for the next day.  God wants us to know that He wants us to live in today.  There is no yesterday and tomorrow is yet to come, for God it is always today and His desire is for us to live in the here and now.  He does not want us to be brought down by yesterdays mistakes but rather for us to lean on Him for answers.
When we begin to change our thinking towards each new day, we allow God to work in our lives.  If we were to wake up each day with the knowledge that what happened yesterday stays in yesterday, I think we could get so much more farther ahead in healing from our past wounds.  I think we would become more free each and every day and as this began to happen we could focus more on the things of God.
I fully know God gives us the strength to get through every day of our lives no matter how difficult we might make them.  He will be there when you first open your eyes in the morning and when you close them at night.  He is waiting to see you through another day.  Trust that He is working on your behalf and that you truly can leave the past right where it is in yesterday because you will not need it where you are going with God today.