Ever been so fed up with who you are you just want to scream at the mirror: Liar, Liar pants on fire!”? There have been times in my life where I was representing to the world only half of who I was really was. I masked my face every morning with eyeliner, cover-up and eye shadow to hide all of my supposed flaws. Day after day I worked at perfecting me in the mirror while night after night I contemplated who I really was. At what point in my life would I be able to represent to the world who I truly was? When would the revealing come to pass of my true identity. Would I ever be able to show the world the girl behind the mirror?
I grew up in an ordinary neighborhood. I was raised by adoptive parents, one was an alcoholic and the other was over bearing, yet I knew love. My parents may not have had it all together but how many of us really do? I accepted the fact of adoption, yet I sought out answers as to why I was given up. I struggled with rejection, had a tough time keeping friends, was bullied in elementary school and just tried my best to be myself.
As I entered junior high I began to seek out how I could be accepted and found smoking to be a great entry ticket into friendships. This later turned into drinking with this same group of friends and I began to finally feel like I fit in, however, something about it just was not right. Even though I was accepted by this group of people, I myself didn’t accept me. What a tricky place to be in. I was afraid to be naked in front of these people. Scared to expose who I really was because I figured they would run in the other direction. All I ever wanted was to be myself in a world that seemed to put restrictions on who I was meant to be.
When adulthood arrived for me I married the first person who truly seemed to accept me as I was, yet I still had to put my face on every morning, dress a certain way and find my identity at that point in being a trophy wife. I had to hide so much of myself in that relationship. As drinking and drug addictions began to filtrate into my marriage I really lost all sense of who I was. Everyday was a never ending merry-go-round. It made me so dizzy. I begged and pleaded to get off the ride of chaos but I just seemed to be trapped day after day.
Then one day, after eighteen years of riding the carousel, it just stopped. As I began to stabilize from the dizziness I looked at the shattered pieces of my heart and realized that I was more than what my life had defined me to be. I suddenly felt I had worth. I sensed a value I had not known before. Something arose in my inner being and was ready to fight…for me.
Slowly, one day at a time I began to find freedom. My life started to change right before my eyes. As I learned to say to the face in the mirror, “I love you just as you are”, I saw a new me. Years of mental abuse had brought me to a place where no make-up could cover the emotional scars anymore. It was time to just reveal me to myself.
How many of us have just been beaten emotionally to the point of no return? We blame ourselves for the actions of others and begin to own a life we did not create. Suddenly there comes a point where enough is enough and you take a good long look in the mirror and say: “I am worth more than this!” If you are in front of that mirror right now I encourage you to speak to the inner you. Tell yourself that you love you. Tell yourself you have worth. Tell yourself that you are valuable. It is love that opens the door to loving who you are, the real you.
The world will keep spinning on its axis, everyday. The sun will still rise in the morning and the stars will shine at night. Somethings will never have the opportunity to change, but we do. We have a chance every day to be in love. In love with who we truly are. We can come to terms with who we were created to be. It is when we arrive to this understanding that we become a light in the darkness of this world. As soon as we see ourselves in a different light we have truly found life and become free of the lies we previously told ourselves just to get through the day.
Today, choose love. Choose life. Choose to be you!