Tag Archives: faith

Who Took My Blankie?

My very own

Just recently I had a passionate conversation and I wished I had recorded it, however, I will do my best to repeat the magnitude of what was said.

We are born.  Not by our own choice, but God’s.  We come into this world very unaware of our surroundings.  No clue perhaps in those first few moments of taking our first breaths.  Then as if out of nowhere there is a cutting.  A sudden revelation of a separation takes place.  The life line which you had been connected to for nine or so months suddenly is gone.

Now of course in those early stages of life we don’t actually have those thoughts running through our heads as birthing is a natural process which has been happening in this earth for a very long time.  For those who have anxiety at the moment you can probably close your eyes and imagine that whole beginning scene.  Those with separation issues could also relate.  What you once knew as comfort and connection is suddenly gone. Taken away.

So let’s take this to the next level.  As children we often cling to things such as stuffed animals, dolls or the ever so popular blankie.  These items become very important to us in early life.  You share EVERYTHING with this object, things you probably never told anyone else except for maybe your imaginary friend if you had one around.  I remember my son had a favorite teddy bear.  He went every where my son went.  If it was time for Teddy to have a bath, my son would stand by the washer and dryer until the whole process was complete.  He was clearly attached.

For the purposes of this discussion I am going to use the representation of the Blankie as I move through this next phase.  The Blankie is going to represent things we cling to in life as a comfort: food, family, friends, secret sins, drugs, alcohol and the likes.  Anything which we choose to go to instead of God.  As with the Blankie, we develop a relationship with our source of comfort.  It’s the one thing we know that will never let us down, it does not have the ability to.  We know when no one else understands us, our Blankie will.  It will comfort us.  Keep us close.  Never rejecting us.  Always a true friend and confidante.

What happens when God asks us to let go of the Blankie so that He can be our comfort, our true friend and confidante?  Of course!  We panic.  We cling all the tighter to our Blankie because a fear rises up in us.  How can we trust anyone else with our Blankie?  It knows us inside and out and would never hurt us or reject us or leave us hanging.  How do we know we will find comfort after we let go of the Blankie?

It all comes down to trust.  A trust beyond all thinking.  A trust so strong you have no choice but to cling to it instead of your false comforts.  For you see, a Blankie is just a false representation of love and trust.  In the end, you can’t take it with you.  It will be burned up with the things of the past.  You will step into heaven and God will be there.  Not your Blankie,–your false comfort.

God is calling us to trust Him with EVERYTHING.  Just like we shared our entire early stages of life with said Blankie, God wants you to choose to trust Him.  He wants to be your comfort.  Your security.  You source of Acceptance.

Some of us are still clinging to our Blankies.  We are at a point in our adult lives where we are afraid of being hurt and disappointed.  We don’t want to give up the very thing which has been there all along.  Drugs, alcohol, secret sins, food, bad relationships and various other addictions are not our security.  They are not our comfort.  They are not to be trusted.  Only God. God is the only one who will never let you down.  He will be there from the beginning until the end.  You can take Him where ever you go.  You can share every secret with Him.

One final thought.  In the beginning, we are not the ones who get to choose who cuts the cord.  When it comes to our false comforts we don’t have to do anything but trust God to take them and heal us from the aftermath.  We run around this big earth thinking we have to do more.  Thinking we are the ones who have to fix ourselves before we can go to God.  Those are lies.  God will take your Blankie.  All you have to do is believe.

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Dear Lord, Help me today to trust you with my Blankie.  I choose today to trust you with my Blankie.  I believe You can be trusted.  I believe You are my source of comfort and security.  Lord let me learn that the past is behind me and You are right in front of me, waiting to heal me.  I thank You Lord for removing those things in my life which are not of You.  I pray for all those who feel stuck in their sin or addictions that they made find true comfort in You alone and be healed from their wounds.  In Jesus Name.  Amen.

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I am Seed

just be

Just recently I have realized how much easier life is when I just sit and stay.  Like a dog learning new tricks I am.  To be still and quiet.   To be content with just slowing down.  Smelling the roses.  Picking up pretty rocks.  Exploring new paths.  Waiting for the sunset.  Reading a book.  Painting a picture.  Slow walks along the beach. Taking 1,000 pictures of a cricket or flowers or water.   Just the simple elegant things of life.

So many times in my life I have been way too busy with other things to even notice that God was trying to keep up with me.  Sometimes I have so many projects going at one time that nothing ever gets completed.  I get so dang excited about ideas I sometimes want to dive right in even though I still have other things in the works already.

Psalm 1:3 in the Message Bible says:

Psalm 1:3 The Message (MSG)

2-3 Instead you thrill to God’s Word,
    you chew on Scripture day and night.
You’re a tree replanted in Eden,
    bearing fresh fruit every month,
Never dropping a leaf,
    always in blossom.

When I first read this, I felt such an excitement with it and then I realized we were discussing a tree here.  Something which is non-mobile.  It is a seed planted meant to just be.  To just sway in the wind.  To allow the soil to house its’ roots.  To just grow and produce leaves and sometimes grow fruit.  To just be and depend on God to feed and water it.  To just be dependent  on God to shelter and protect it in all stages of growth from the seed to full maturity.

It is only when we slow down that we can truly depend on God.  It is in the slow moments we are reminded that God is in control.  It is in the slow times we see just how good God truly is and how He really does take care of our every need.  He feeds us with the Word.  He waters us with His Presence.  He protects us from all weather conditions life throws at us.

When we stop to just be, all fear dissolves.  After we have discontinued our pursuit of taking care of our own needs, God shows up in all of His splendor and we can be content with just being.  

At some point we need to come to the realization that we are merely the seed.  We have nothing else to do but just be.  Think of seed planted in the ground.  It sits.  It waits.  It is broken.  Then it beings to grow.  It grows both above ground and underground.  We don’t see the roots as they grow and often that is how we are as humans, we hide the roots, yet above the surface everything looks good.  Our trunks our sturdy and our leaves look just right yet underneath it all, buried deep inside are roots some good some bad.

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I encourage us all today to just be.  Take some time to just sit.  Stay.  Marinate.  Accept God is in control.  Be content in the stillness of God.  Begin to know that He meant it when He said, Be Still and KNOW I am God.

Dear Lord, I thank You for taking care of all of my needs.  I thank You that I can really just be.  I desire to get to know You better.  I look forward to just being more in Your presence.  I thank You for allowing me to just be.  Lord, I also thank You that You will begin to show others what it really means to just be so they too can find peace in just being still.  AMEN

Getting to the Track is the Easy Part

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When life knocks you right of the track you are on, get back up and head toward the track.  Yup!  I know it sounds simple, and I also know it’s not easy.  Falling is never an easy place to rise up from yet it puts you in the perfect position for the greatness of God.  It places you in a vulnerable spot on which  great victory can occur.  When we feel defeated to the core then it’s time to sing praises.  It’s time to rejoice!  It’s time for joy to bubble up from within because God is about to do something so great your mind can’t even wrap itself around the miracle.

I am battling with my weight at the moment and am getting really frustrated.  I am on the right track.  I am moving forward but the train just has not picked up any speed.  The train I am on lacks motivation.  It lags behind the rest hoping at some point to catch up and get ahead of the game.  I may never get ahead of the rest and that is exactly where I need to be to have  peace within my soul.  I need to believe that I am on the right track and at least moving forward in the right direction.  I need to believe God is directing the train and His ways are greater than mine will ever be.

Today I posted a blog in my Sparkpeople app which brought me to tears right in my office.  In one simple moment of time I felt the presence of God in my life in a powerful Father-Loving way.  He accepts me.  He loves me.  He is my strength.  He is my rescuer when I fall.  He is the only One who can pick me up, dust me off and set me in the right direction, any other voices are just distractions.

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Today, choose the let Him pick you up, dust off the dirt and set you on the path towards the right track.  He does not require us to return to where we once began the journey, however, He let’s us start right where we fell.  There are no do overs with God, just continuations towards the right way.  You are good enough for God to save you.  You have not failed to the point where He forgets about you.  You are created for a plan and purpose.

Begin today to believe in you.  Believe in love.  Believe in faith.  Believe God is who He says He is.  Allow Him to set you on the right track.  If you fall off again, choose to know it is okay, He will pick you up right where you are.  You do not have to seek help, He will come to you.  Before you even ask He knows your distress and help is already on the way. He has everything you need to stay on track, no need for inventing schemes or great plans for survival.  He alone has the answers.  He alone knows your every need.  He alone is the maker of the track you are to be on.

 

Dear God, Today I pray for all of us who are struggling in any area of our lives.  I know You are sending help already, you won’t leave us in the dust, broken and battered.  I pray peace to come today.  I pray You will heal our wounds and set us on the right track towards the plan you have for our lives.  Thank You for the work you are doing on our behalf.  Thank You for the healing that is coming.  Thank You for accepting us just as we are.  In Jesus Name.  Amen

Lost between Diamonds, Makeup and Hairspray

blog

Today, if you were to check my Facebook page, I had a to do list all mapped out.  Well, somehow I got lost between posting that this morning bright and early and doting on myself.  I went from wanting to knock things off my list to spending some me time in a matter of minutes.  Will I get my list done today? Perhaps.

In life we get so caught up in pleasing those around us that we forget sometimes that we are just as important.  We need to take time for us before we are broken and battered and of no use to others.  I enjoy spending time with me.  I like to see what magic I can do with my hair and make up.  I like trying on clothes.  I like decorating myself with diamonds just for fun.  I guess what I am trying to say is simple:  I like me.

Now, I did not arrive to this position about myself overnight and the older I get the more I like myself and who I have become.  I have allowed God to change me from the inside.  The more I believe what His Word says about me, the more I am happy to focus on me so that I can encourage others to do the same!

My husband asked me this morning why I was so good to him.  Silly man, because I love you.  But I can honestly say that I am as confident in who I am today because of his love.  I was broken from a past relationship and it has taken time and a lot of healing for me to even say I like myself.  God used my husband to love me back together.  He picked up the broken pieces of my heart and gently and patiently helped me heal.  I wrote him this Facebook post today:

for john

God has used my husband to teach me the principle of loving myself.  When I do not feel good about who I am, then I am not very easily persuaded to help anyone else feel good either.  However, when I am confident in who I am, I can boldly help someone in need of a love tap.  I can lovingly tell someone who is down and out and beating themselves up that they are worthy of love and mean it.

So how do we begin the journey of falling in love with who we are so that we can be a blessing to others?  One step at a time.  One Bible verse at a time.  One minute for ourselves. One moment of encouragement can do a whole lot of good.  Sometimes I wish I could start my career over and just become a motivator, then I think about the people I may have impacted and perhaps I already have done that.

Last point:  the definition of love is an intense feeling of affection and the definition of yourself is you personally.  Put these two together and you get this:  Feeling intensely affectionate for you personally.  I know that sounds a bit strange but let’s look at it from God’s perspective:

God feels intensely affectionate for you personally because God is love.


Wow! How powerful is that statement?  Let that permeate through you right now.  Allow that to just sink right in.  When you realize the God of the universe is in love with who you are, it’s the first step to beginning to love you!

Dear God, I stand before you today with the knowledge that you love me personally.  Help me to receive that into my spirit.  Help me to see who I really am.  Let the love process begin in me today.  Show me something about who I am that I can love.  Thank You for accepting me just as I am, a work in progress.  I thank you for the revelation to come.  In Jesus Name Amen

Taking Vitamins

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Ever get a word for God and it just makes you stop in your tracks?  Do you wonder how you arrived at where you are only to discover what you had been holding on to was not God’s actual plan?  Ever been so touched by God that you can only follow after what He opens for you?  Well my husband John and I are at that place in our life right now.  Short catch up for those who may not have been following for long.

I was married once to a drug and alcohol abuser, had two wonderful children who are 23 and almost 21 at the moment.  One dark night following a suicide attempt with a 410 shotgun by my now ex-husband, God made a way for me to be restored in the fullness of life He had waiting for me.  After declaring to the Lord that I did not desire to have another man in my life, John showed up.  No interest at first but God began a work in both of us we could not ignore.  So in 2012 I married a man 19 years younger than myself and we have been happier then two pigs in mud.  Now, we decided that having children would not be an option.  He did not have a desire to have children and I was okay with that, being in my 40s….well God has presented a different plan….

A few months ago John and I attended a conference at our church and as we were standing at the altar afterwards just basking in His glory, a man of God looked straight through me as he was putting his guitar away.  I immediately knew God was up to something.  He approached us and asked me if I was a mother.  I said yes of two grown children.  I got excited suddenly as if I was going to receive a great word of encouragement for one of my children..nope..not at all what I expected happened next…He says to me and my husband, “Well, the Lord says He will make a way for you to have another child, financially and all other things included, but you have to be in agreement.”

What happened next?? Tears and tears and tears and more sobbing tears.  I did not know how to respond so I just stood there and cried knowing that my husband standing next to me was not going to receive the word of knowledge very well.  To make a long story short, God spoke to John and melted his heart and he now desires to be a daddy.  For you see, John being afraid of making mistakes as a father, had no desire to have a child of his own. We also had another issue..my tubes have been tied since 1994.

So what has happened in the last few weeks?  Well, my husband got a new job with great potential, I got a raise at work, I just got around to adding disability to my health insurance and financially we are coming in line.  Then today it was like the icing on the cake when I went to see an OBYGN, because my personal doctor feels I am high risk for pregnancy.  So when I arrived at my appointment I was filled with doubt.  I was prepared to just hear bad news and reasons why I should not even try to get pregnant.

Once again God blew me away with His wisdom.  This doctor was amazing.  She offered several options from operations to fertility doctors but it was like she sensed I was not going to choose any of those ways to get pregnant.  The minute she said, “There is this one option.  It’s a herb from the Health Hutt.”  I knew that God had set me up!  He knows the cry of my heart.  He knows that I have complete faith in Him.  This herb she told me as gotten two persons with completely tied tubes (medically proven)  pregnant–she called them the miracle babies.  She said it cannot be medically explained.

So what now?  Well, we take prenatal vitamins and folic acid and this herb and we pray!  I was just amazed this afternoon when I connected the dots of how everything has taken place in order.  Then to top it off I thought about the doctor and her knowledge of this herb–she had found out about this through a patient.  The fun part about that is, I did not get to choose who I was going to see..God did! So now, it’s all up to God because there is no other way!

More Icing

“Believe me: I am in my Father and my Father is in me. If you can’t believe that, believe what you see—these works. The person who trusts me will not only do what I’m doing but even greater things, because I, on my way to the Father, am giving you the same work to do that I’ve been doing. You can count on it. From now on, whatever you request along the lines of who I am and what I am doing, I’ll do it. That’s how the Father will be seen for who he is in the Son. I mean it. Whatever you request in this way, I’ll do.
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Did you know that God’s agendas are never ours?  Do realize that when God has something planned it’s almost completely opposite than we expect?  If I have to say it a million times even to myself then I will, “God has it planned out already.  Believe in Jeremiah 29:11 and begin to ask God for the next step rather than trying so hard to figure out what to do next.”
So often we have ourselves so wrapped up in the “what do we do next” mode that we miss what God has for us already.  God has a perfect plan and purpose for our lives and if He just opened up the book and showed it to us we would run so fast in the other direction we would be a distant shadow of what God intended for us. If only we would stand still and listen to that still small voice directing us, we could stop trying so hard.
Just today I caught myself doing this.  Why am I trying so hard to make sense of my job or my dance group or what to do with my aging dad?  All I need to do is crawl into my prayer closet and curl up in Daddy’s lap.  What do I do instead?  Come up with grandeous ideas and things to do to get God to work in my life.  I sometimes just shake my head at myself.  It’s like  I can blog all these great things that God can do, yet I don’t apply it to my life.  It’s frustrating sometimes because I know that I know that I know that I KNOW it’s as easy as a simple prayer, “God…What’s next on the agenda?”
I think I shared that when I started this dance group I argued with God.  “When will I have time?  No one is going to show up.”  The Devil tried to get me to quit.  Next I injured my back and missed a practice.  THEN, I was healed on Sunday and my back is better than new.  So tonight when we were practicing the pastor came to us with a proposal and in that tiny moment of time I knew God had something so big in mind for our little group that it would be almost surreal.  The funny part in all of this is that it’s not about our group.  It’s not about our insecurities.  It’s not about performing.  It is all about advancing His Kingdom.
I am excited to see what God is up to.  We are about to step into something we never saw coming.  My spirit is excited to experience this next adventure with God.  I know that I will not be able to figure out the steps on my own and I will need to seek Him more strongly than ever before.  I will need to be quiet and stand still even when I want to run ahead.  It is His plan, not mine.  I challenge each of us this week to stop trying to frost our own cake and allow God to cover it with so much icing we can’t move!  Surrender is the word.  Not moving is the game.  Peace is the prize.

Broken Friends

 

“Confront me with the truth and I’ll shut up, show me where I’ve gone off the track. Honest words never hurt anyone, but what’s the point of all this pious bluster? You pretend to tell me what’s wrong with my life, but treat my words of anguish as so much hot air. Are people mere things to you? Are friends just items of profit and loss?
 
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Warning!  Warning!  Warning!!
What you are about to read may cause you to remember some not so nice things about your past.  I apologize up front for any emotional roller coaster I have taken you on.  
 
Just recently the Lord has been dealing on my past, as ugly as some of it was, and the things He brought to my attention were not so pretty.  My life as many of yours, has not been a bed of roses.  My parents adopted me when I was 9 months old and I was brought into a home where I was wanted and loved but the same did not ring true for my parents.  My dad drank and my mom constantly nagged him.  As I grew older I just wanted to run away to where ever I could escape the stress.
 
As I looked to friendships to fill voids in my life, I learned to confide in others very easily and I trusted.  Always trusted.  Then at age 5 my best friend Wendy moved away.  Now some say age 5??  Well I remember as if it was yesterday.  I remember waving goodbye on the curb as my only friend was driven away by her parents.  Then at age 8 my next best friend Kim moved to Texas with her family.  I still can remember the emptiness I felt as one by one they left.
 
Then the heart-breaker was when Eleanor died and went to be with Jesus.  I don’t remember how old I was but I remember waiting for her to come home on the bus (she was handi-capped) and as soon as she would get off the bus we would go lay in the grass for hours and watch the clouds in the sky.  When Jesus took her home I was just devastated.  As time went by I had friends but no one really close until just before Junior High.  My friend and I got really close and I spent more time at her house than my own.  Her sisters and brothers were like my own.
 
Then one day she confronted me and all of a sudden she did not like me anymore.  She said she did not like the way I did my hair or make up and other various things about me and it shattered my idea of what best friends were.  Through out the remainder of Junior High and High school I had friends.  Some were close and others were just fun to hang out with.  At this point I really did not want to get too close to anyone.  The rejection that I felt from my past Best Friend relationships was too much to bear repeating.
 
When I got married, my ex-husband separated me from most of my friends. As my life began to revolve itself around raising kids and taking care of my ex-husband and trying to hold down a full time job, I felt I just did not have time for any friendships.  Even when I started to go back to church I really did not see any need to seek out a best friend.  I figured God was all I had left and He would never leave me.
 
Just recently my husband and I started a class at church called Love and Respect and the facilitator was instructing the husbands to choose someone to be accountable to.  He said the wives did not need to do that because they always were talking to someone on the phone or had a circle of friends to help hold them accountable.  My immediate thought was, “Not Me!”  I no longer have a best friend.  I have no one in my life except my husband to confide in.  I don’t have someone to call at 2 am if I have a crisis that just needs a girlfriends help.  I was bestfriendless…..and to me that was just fine.
 
What I saw in all of this was rejection.  I did not even realize I had a fear of rejection until that man spoke that one sentence about finding an accountability partner other than our spouse………
God has a funny way of doing things for sure.  After class I was in the sanctuary during the opening welcome and a friend came to me with exciting news and I just looked at her with tears in my eyes and I asked her to be my best friend.  
 
Here is another prime example of how God knows exactly what we need before it’s anything we want in life and soon we come to the realization that it’s what we needed all along.  For me it is on to new beginnings.  I am searching the face of God on this new best friend relationship.  It’s been so long for me that I am not sure I even know how to be a best friend to anybody but my hubby.  
 
So now that I have bared my soul on Best Friends I hope I have not stirred up some things in you, BUT, if I did, I pray God begins a new work in you.  I pray God leads you to that perfect friendship.  A friendship that is lasting and edifying,  One that will withstand any storm it faces.  God is love and love is true friendships.  We all need that one person separate from our home life that we can trust and confide in.  Someone who will listen.  Someone who will laugh and cry with you.  But most of all someone who will hold you to that higher standard.