Tag Archives: expectations

A Fortune Cookie with No Fortune

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As I was sitting here on New Years Day 2016 contemplating what God wanted me to share, I was feasting on some fortune cookies left over from our latest take out meal.  As I opened my second cookie I was surprised to find no little paper with some words of wisdom printed on it.  Now, not that I follow any of these fortunes but it’s still fun to read them and sometimes I have to admit, they line up with something which is happening in my life at the moment.  So I guess God is leading me today to share about empty expectations.

Did we get all we expected out of the last year?  I know for one I had some ups and downs but I have to say for me personally I did not get done what I had expected to do.  I wanted to get started on book number four and be in the publishing stage at this point.  Two things have prevented me from accomplishing this:  self-motivation and no computer with a word processor on it.

I recently had back surgery and I had clearly heard the Lord say to me as I was facing this that I was to rest and write.  Okay, great I thought to myself, God is giving me the opportunity to rest and write, then after surgery things were tougher than expected and sitting up was not my friend.  So I decided to rest and that maybe it was a two part ordeal.  I rested and then I realized my six weeks was almost up and I had not even typed out one word in the new book.

After seeing the physician for my post-op visit I was told that I would head off to physical therapy and could not return to work until it was completed…this meant 6 more weeks off.  With six more weeks ahead of me,  I decided to get serious about my writing only to discover that the laptop I had been borrowing did not have a word program and neither did the new laptop my hubby bought for me for Christmas.  Now what I asked God?

I felt like I was stuck behind a task I had been assigned with no means to accomplish it.  A friend suggested that I hand write the book but that’s too hard to do and keep up with the words which begin to flow.  Another friend said I should speak my book into a microphone on my phone but that just got too complicated because it’s not the way I am gifted to write.

So here I am with a book idea, expecting to write and I can’t.  So I sit here feeling guilty and disobedient to God.  The devil has a field day sometimes condemning me and making me feel worthless and lazy, like I am wasting my gift.  What is happening in your life that the devil is trying to beat you over the head with or make you feel guilty?  Some days I fear that God will take my writing from me but I know that’s a lie.  The devil can turn any promise from God into a lie if we allow ourselves to submit to fear.

This is what I hear God saying:  Whatever you expected from last year, just let it go.  It’s a new year.  A new beginning.  Choose to renounce the lies and see yourself as I do.  You are my beloved.  You are loved.  You are accepted.  I will not take things away from you, it is not My nature.  Believe that I only want your love and obedience.  I only desire a true relationship with you.  Come, talk to Me. Abide in Me.  You are never too far away to come back home.  Choose today to start again.  

Dear Lord, help me today to see me as You do.  Teach me to hear only Your voice and to rise up against the lies of fear.  I thank You that You are here with me everyday to guide me and teach me.  I thank You for sticking with me even when I seem to running in the wrong direction.  I know that You  have great plans for my life because Your Word promises that to me. I love you Lord!  Amen

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Undercover Disaster

Job 36:24

Instead, glorify his mighty works, singing songs of praise.
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Ever felt so broken that life really did not seem to matter?  How about so broken and dead on the inside but to the outer world you appeared okay?  Perhaps brittle and falling apart and hiding under a blanket of a made up reality.   Maybe like the picture above, we know the dormant death which lays beneath the snow.  The branches of this bush are dead and awaiting new life to come in the spring, so much like many of us.  We wait out for seasons in our life, knowing there will be a shift and a change.  We lie waiting in hope for a new season to come into our lives.  A season of prosperity and happiness.  What about those who don’t know there is a season of change?
When I was in the middle of my last marriage, I faked it until I made it almost ever day.  To the outside world I had it all together.  I was a full time manager, mom and church goer.  I worked 43 hour weeks, went to all the school functions and even sang in the choir at church.  Yup, I seemed to have it all under control and no one was the wiser, except for me.  Inside I was a little girl screaming as loud as she could but no one could hear her cries.  Only God knew her struggles, no one else could even see them because they were so disguised.
I worked so hard at keeping my home life a secret that I never let anyone into my life.  While I was trying to scrape up enough money to put dinner on the table, my husband was trying to figure out how and where to get his next set of drugs.  While I was at work I was focused the best I could while in the back of my mind 100 other thoughts were running around in my head.  How was I going to provide dinner tonight?  Where was I going to get money to pay the bills? I was overcome with so much disaster it was ridiculous.  I look back now and I have no clue as to how I ever kept it all together.
What I have learned from this past of keeping everything undercover is simple, it is much easier to be myself than to have to hide things all the time from everyone.  I have found so much freedom in just being Brenda.  I have no sin to cover up.  I have no unreal expectations from my new husband.  I have a desire every morning when I wake up to just be me, no matter who sees it.
Are you living an under cover disaster life?  Are you pretending that things are okay?  If someone walked up to you today and asked you to answer honestly if you were truly happy, what would your answer be if you actually told the truth?  I am glad no one ever expected that of me I would have probably just broken down right there and confessed it all.  I say all of this to give you hope.  Underneath that bush up there covered in the white snow is a masterpiece of God waiting for renewal.  In the spring it will burst forth with new growth and a vibrancy it was unable to show while in it’s dormant condition……much like a person who has allowed God to take control of their life.