Tag Archives: destiny

Treasurable Love

101a

Today my life is good.  The heart ache is gone and has been replaced with pure, treasurable love.  My life once again has purpose and meaning.  I finally feel like I have been placed on the right path which will propel me into my destiny.  Life has not always been easy and even now there are steps I still am hesitant to take.  I have come to this place where I trust God and I go where He says to go.  Like Jesus mirrored in His ministry, he only did what He saw the Father doing, anything else would have been man’s doing,

How did I get from point A to point B without losing myself?  I am not sure except there came this one day when my life was crashing all around me and I chose to stop running.  It’s hard to wrap my mind around some of the things God calls us to do, and often they make absolutely no sense to the human thought process, yet I know beyond the shadow of a doubt it’s the way of God working in my life.

What caused me to write today about treasure? My husband.  He left yesterday for a 2 day road trip.  For most married couples that is no big deal, in fact often welcomed.  Not me.  Within the hour of him leaving I felt a loss.  Not that I can’t be without him, I didn’t WANT to be without him.  My husband is not what I asked for at all.  I really had no choice when he dropped onto the radar of my life.  For you see, I had this in-depth conversation with God in which I clearly stated that I did not want another man in my life after my divorce.  Sometimes I am glad God does not listen to our pleas only because He has something so much better to offer us.

When John came in to my life I was broken.  My heart had been shattered into a bazillion pieces and I had no desire to put them back together or be loved again, BUT God softened my heart.  He renewed my thinking.  As He did this, John became a true treasure in my life.  The more I tried to say I did not deserve his love, the more God moved.  Now, I would not trade my husband for anything in the world because I know how much he means to me and I know beyond the shadow of a doubt this is God’s plan for my life.

So what is your treasure?  Is there something God has given to you that perhaps you did not understand?  I encourage you to seek God for what your treausrable love is.  Sometimes His ways do not make sense to us, but He is our loving Father and He desires to give us the best of everything.  My best gift was love.  The love of my children.  The love of my husband.  The love of dear friends.  And most importantly the love of God which He has poured into my life even in the moments where I felt less than deserving of anything.  Be still right now and KNOW that God is at work on your behalf and He will never leave you or forsake you.

mytreasure

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Lose the Ugly

James 1:19

Listening and Doing ] Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
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Can we all agree that life is not all about smooth sailing?  There are storms which arise and sometimes we lose our direction.  We lose sight of where we were going and get lost in the destruction of the storm.  We feel like the purpose of our voyage has changed a bit and we are unclear of how to get back on track or change directions.  I have been feeling lately like things are just being tossed about in my life.  I am happy and secure in my life at the moment yet there is this constant storm off in the distance.  I feel at times that in any given moment of time my boat might just tip over and I will be left on my own to swim.
Now, I, not being a swimmer am fearful of this word “swim”.  This thought process puts me in a place of unease at times.  Where am I at this point if I know God is in control?  How is there any shred of doubt within me?  I really don’t have an answer at this point.  God has moved so swiftly lately in my life it is almost like when the disciples were in the midst of their storm at sea and God just calmed everything down and they were at their destination in the blink of an eye.
I look back past the last huge storm in my life and I wonder how I ever survived.  Now I am on dry land and safe, yet there are aspects to my life that just don’t make any sense.  I know who I am in Christ and I cling tight to that mentality.  I push away the lies of the enemy but how do I deal with the losses which came from leaving the storm behind?  Was what was lost for a reason?  Were the people that once were good friends just for a season?  All of this brings me to one major question:  Who am I to question what God is doing right now?”
So here I am, swimming in uncharted waters.  I am leaving my boat right now and diving into the waters that I know are safe because He has me right were I need to be.  No matter what others around me are thinking, I am secure in my relationship with God and nothing is going to shake that foundation.  God loves each of us individually and He knows our every struggle. He will give us daily the strength we need to refocus and push forward.  Within all of this, we still have to follow after Jesus and adhere to the principles He has set forth in the Bible…sometimes that is really hard to do.
It feels good to know God is in control even when my flesh is concerned with so many different struggles.  I don’t want to go through the changes sometimes that it takes to make me into the woman of God He has destined for me, yet I know I need to lose the ugly before the beauty of God can break through.

Stepping Out in Faith

John 17:18
Just as you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world.

Today I am listening to God more than I ever have.  As I follow my heart and lean not on my own understanding, I fall deeper and deeper in love with Jesus.  Sometimes He leads me to places where I have to have completely trust in Him.  I need to step out in faith and totally let go of everything I had trusted in.  Yes, being sold out to Jesus is a most awesome place to be, yet it can scary sometimes.

Tonight I left a church I have been at for 8 years.  The church where I was healed from great brokenness.  A place where I learned to trust people again.  I body of people who accepted me just as I am, brokenness and all.  I learned so many things from so many different people, things I will treasure forever.  I made friends and even was an encourager to some.  When God started tugging on my heartstrings to move, I was perplexed.  I was a youth leader.  I had made good friends.  I felt grounded and comfortable. I did not understand why God was showing me to move into a different direction.

There is was, that word, comfortable.  God will always lead us to places where we can grow so when we get comfy and feel like things are just the way we want them, He moves us.  He stirs our hearts and begins to tug us into a new direction.  As I have been attending revival meetings I am being drawn closer and closer to moving into the destiny God has already set out for me.  I am sad to be moving on but I also know this is moving forward.  Being asked to move into a ministry position in a revival setting is where my heart truly is.

As I am taking this leap of faith I am realizing just how much I need to lean on God in these circumstances.  Some just won’t understand why and others will be supportive.  I am not leaving for any other reason but God is pulling me closer to the destiny He has set out for me.  I will miss the youth greatly and the wonderful friends I have made, yet I know that I will be rewarded for my obedience in moving when God says to move.  He has such great things planned out for each of us, it is our moment to shine when we say, “Yes” to God and move.

Thank you for the love and the compassion over the years.  I wish I could personally thank each person who has touched my life, but time does not allow it.  I pray for each of you that you believe in Jeremiah 29:11 and begin to see that no matter what stage you are in your life, He still has your destiny in His hands.  As I press into the things God has for me, surely I will find great joy and refuge in doing the work of the Lord.

This Is Who I Am

Isaiah 66:12

12 This is what the Lord says:

“I will give Jerusalem a river of peace and prosperity.
    The wealth of the nations will flow to her.
Her children will be nursed at her breasts,
    carried in her arms, and held on her lap.

This is what God created me to be.  A human with a desire upon her heart to serve God with all the strength she holds within .  No one else played a part in my creation.  No other human helped designed me or gave me my first breath.  Only God can take all the glory for how I was designed and created.  Only God can instill in me what He wants me to see about Him and my destiny.  I am exactly what and where God wants me to be.  Why do we has humans in Christ have such a hard time accepting this very truth?

What I am going through at this point in my life is a complete overhaul of myself in Christ.  I had gotten off the path of my destiny and now God has been doing some drastic, wonderful, painful things to redirect my steps.  As I linger long enough in His Presence to hear His voice, I am drawn closer and closer towards the destiny He already set out for me to achieve.  I have been so bound by the things of this world I could not see clearly.  I had become the great pretender and everything was always okay.  We a have  a saying in our McDonalds where I work and it has been ingrained in me for 20 years, “Fake it until you make it.”  Well, today that is no longer a motto in any aspect of my life.

I am done at this very moment in time with faking my life and making it look good just so the “world” can be happy.  I am choosing to follow my heart.  I am choosing to follow after God.  I am choosing life.  I am finally choosing life.  I am ready to accept life.  Today I take a giant leap of faith, plug my nose and dive right into the river.  The river of life God wants me to be in.  No more negative bombarding.  No more accepting the “truth” of the world.  This is who I am and where I am in my walk and God is right beside me.

I have been diligently searching God for 3 years. I attended a 54 day revival a while ago and I only missed a few days.  Yes, I worked full time and had other activities in my life but I chose to go every night I could.  I tried to get friends to go.  I tried to share what I was getting and still no one seemed interested or had a desire for God to change them.  Now here I am again in the midst of another revival.  Four days a week I am found in that place where God is changing me.  I also attend church on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights.  Instead of watching television or hanging out I am seeking the face of God, therefore, who should know better than I what God is doing in my life?

I am not angry with anyone.  I am not unwilling to listen.  I am forgiving to those who persecute me for my life right now, but, hey, was not our own Jesus Christ confronted and questioned?  I just want people to know that I look to God everyday for direction.  Everyday I choose to surrender it all and receive what He is wanting me to get.  I love God more than the air I breathe and without Him I would be nothing.  I pray eyes will be opened and release would come, however, until that happens I am still going to choose to love.

Chasing My Tail

Isaiah 30:15
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. But you would have none of it.

Ever just want to throw in the towel?  Just give up.  Forget about it!  Just close your eyes and hope it goes away?  Praying to move on to something else before you feel any more insanity creeping in?  Sometimes waiting on God can be like that, yet you know deep down that it is for a purpose.  We has humans by nature are wanting to rush through everything, never taking time to stop and settle with the dust to see what is right in front of us.  We race through life as if we are not a vapor of the wind ourselves.  We want to go from birth to driving a Mercedes because we have earned it along the way.  Tell me we have never looked at the older generation and drooled over the fancy house they have or the sports car they get to drive.  We want everything handed to us like the Jetson’s, not realizing that instant gratification just leads us to want more and more. Perhaps God is trying to slow us down for a reason; He does not want us to become spoiled, not just by the things of the world but in our spirit as well.

What if we slowed down?  Just what if we said “no” to a couple of things in our lives?  Believe me there are enough people on this planet at any given time to accomplish everything that needs to be done and the things that don’t, well God has a plan for it.  We often find ourselves chasing our tails so to speak trying to get everything done that we think we are responsible for.  Where does it get us?  Still chasing our tail in a panic to accomplish something while just running in a circle.  If God has our lives planned out even while we are forming in the tummies of our moms, than who are we to add more to that then we are capable of?  If we would just take things to prayer in a quiet moment of our day, just maybe, we would develop this ability to say “no” where it is necessary.  How often we get roped into situations because we feel guilty and are positive that if we don’t do it, it will not get done by anyone else.  I assure you, just like God when He tries to pick people for assignments and they say “no”, He goes on to find someone else.  Trust me, humans can do that too.  If there is a position to be filled, I assure you there will be someone to fill it.

What does it take to slow down?  Not really sure on that one yet. Shhhh…..don’t tell anyone but I have not learned how to say no yet.  It is hard to write on something I have yet to overcome, yet God has me writing in this direction today.  Perhaps it because He is trying to get my attention.  I know one of my biggest failures in my Christian walk is quiet time and slowing my life down long enough to really listen to God’s voice and directions.  I like to think I am a work in progress; however, how many times has God to start over in the clay process with me?  Sometimes I just try and try and it does not happen. I set aside time and then “something comes up” and off I go.  Now don’t read me wrong, I pray on the go and read things from here to there, but to really sit down and have a designated time frame to be quiet with God ….not happening.  I wish I knew how to make this happen, yet I have found no answer.  It’s kind of like the diet and exercise plan I will start, right after I have this last glass of Cherry Pepsi or Baby Ruth bar.

Now, I am not beating myself up over these things, not worth the time I don’t seem to have already, but I am yearning for a routine in my life.  I have come to the realization with my weird schedule at work, trying to start my Mary Kay business, publishing a book, preparing for a daughter who is graduating and being a youth leader, I have myself  painted into a painting looking like a bunch of paint splattered on a canvas.  Yet, I feel I am okay, not over stressed out or running in too many directions, just not taking enough time out for God and me time.  I was attending church every Saturday night for a soaking and prayer time but with work schedules and events, I am finding myself not having time to do that either.  So as I progress onward, I have to find a balance.  Hmmm…balance, what an interesting thought.  Balance my self-planned life with the one God has destined for me.

 

Ha! Settle for Happy?

Nehemiah 8:10
Then he said to them, “Go, eat of the fat, drink of the sweet, and send portions to him who has nothing prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

You may want to buckle up for the reading of this blog, as I just got home from a revival meeting.  Every time I find myself sitting in a pew receiving what God has for me, I just want more.  I can never get enough and I don’t want to settle for just being happy, I want to be filled with joy!  Now, as I write this some will not understand where I am going with this, but just hang on, the ride might be bumpy, but I promise you, we will arrive safely and with maybe you will have an awakening of the spirit you never had before.
In today’s society, we have a million “Happily Ever Afters”, all the Disney movies have it and the best romantic novels and we all have dreams of having it, however, what strength do we actual derive from it?  In the end, maybe we had a 50 year “Happily Ever After” marriage, but was there a gain?  Was there any real fruit from it?  Perhaps we were just settling for the worlds version of joy, calling it good and just being content to stay where we were so as not to “Rock the Boat”. The world has it’s counterfeits to everything of God, so could it be that happy is just a counterfeit for joy?  Yes I know happy is in the Bible, but joy is mentioned many more times and seems to have a more serious side to it.
Now before anyone gets offended, I want to clearly state that these are my own opinions and just seems to be what is on my heart after the revival meeting tonight.  I myself do not want to just settle for accepting Jesus into my life and living an ordinary “happy” life, I want my life to count for something, which means I will need to go against the ideals of the world and in order to do this, the joy of the Lord will need to be my strength.  Settling is something we all do in the flesh.  Some of us are more competitive though when it comes to the things of God and we cannot get our Spirit Man to just settle for the ordinary, it always wants more. There comes a point in one’s life where they need to make a conscience decision and check their flesh at the door so they can continue forward into the purpose God has for their lives.  So many people get so busy trying to  be happy they never get to feel real joy.  Real joy only comes from God and is found when searching the things of God in one’s life.
Yes, I desire to be happy in life, yet I know there is more to God than just being happy so to speak.  There is this indescribable feeling you get when you are at the altar and worshiping God with all that is within you, joy, unspeakable joy.  Here too we could just settle for staying in our pews and singing songs, not worshiping and appear to be happy, however after some one on one encounters with the Holy Spirit, true joy from worship only comes when one is surrendered in worship and the focus is solely on Jesus and not the band. Happy is going to a concert and seeing your favorite band play, joy is found in worshiping God for who He is and what He has done for us.
Do you see my point in this?  God wants us to be happy for sure, yet He calls us to a deeper purpose and that is where joy is found.  Take for instance my writing “Be Blessed” on coffee cups.  God showed this to me awhile back and I thought to myself, “How silly!  Really God?  What if I offend someone?”.  Well, God has shown me several times that I am actually making a difference in peoples lives with those simple writings on a silly styrofoam cup.  I get reports at least twice a month about stories of how those two words made someones day and that just brings me great joy, a joyous feeling in my spirit that makes me want to dance because it is Kingdom work and God gets all the glory.
So in this short life, I want to increase my joy and find more than a “happy medium”.  I want the fullness of what God has for me and will not settle for just being happy with what have.  I am a child of God, a princess and one who has the favor of the Lord at all times.  God loves us so much He wants to be the Joy that is our strength.  So, don’t worry, you can still be happy, but I think you will be missing out on the true purpose God has for your life.  If your only goal in life is to be happily married with two kids, a dog, a house and a nice car, truly this is not your destiny but the normalcy of the world.  In the end of this life do you want to fit into the worlds standards and be happy or do you want to see the things of God and be filled with a joy that no worldly words can really describe?  The choice is truly up to you, but as for me, I am seeking joy.