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Until God Says So

Hebrews 13:4
Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.

Until death do us part.  To love and to cherish.  To honor and take care of.  Divorce is not an option.  Let no man put asunder.  Vows. Vows. Vows.  Does anyone really pay attention to one of the most important parts of wedding ceremony?  Do the words really have any meaning anymore?  Does anyone even seem to understand the reality of getting married? By the numbers on the divorce rating sheets, I would say not.  I may seem a little bitter as I write this blog, however, it has just happened to me personally one to many times in the recent past.  If you all have read my Day of Deliverance story, then you know where I am standing in my marriage.  I am waiting for my husband to heal and to become whole again.  I have not abandoned him as some have said, I just know I am an enabler and with me in the picture at this moment, nothing will be truly healed in him.

On June 6th, 1992 I married a man I had planned to spend the rest of my life with.  I distinctly remember as we were writing our own vows out that the pastor came to me and ask if I could rewrite my vows to include something about God.  Do you know I forgot?  He had to “ad-lib” God into my vows as we were standing at the altar.  I guess I was so wrapped up in too many other things to realize God needed to be the center of our marriage, not the dress or bridesmaids, reception or flowers or how many people would attend.  As I stood at the altar with my new husband and my 4 month old son lighting the unity candle, I have to admit God was probably the furthest thing from my mind.  I was not any where near to God as I am now and it makes me a little bit sad to write that.

As the months turned into years of turmoil, my marriage really had no meaning.  Our relationship had become nothing but  yelling and screaming matches and a fight for daily survival.  There was no love at the end.  No desire to even make amends at some points.  I was so tired of being the stable one in the relationship by working full time and taking care of the kids, there was no time left to actually be in love.  My marriage was gone, yet I did not feel compelled to seek a divorce.  Then, after the suicide attempt and the separation, I still had no desire to file for a divorce.  And here I am almost three years later, still standing by my husband’s and I choice not to divorce.  God dislikes divorce and I am choosing to do everything in my will power to make this marriage work.  After all, somewhere in that man over there is the person I fell in love with and I am so in love I am willing to wait it out.  My husband is broken and God is the only one who can fix the things that hurt.

Now before everyone gets in an uproar, I know there are certain circumstances which lead couples to end their love lives in divorce.  I am not saying that staying together is the answer for everyone, but I certainly feel as though God needs to be a HUGE part of that decision.  I am still waiting for my husband to heal and unless God tells me in some HUGE way to file for divorce, I intend to stay right here.  Now, to further this statement, I am remaining faithful to my husband. Why?  We are not separated to “explore other options”.  We are not “free to date” other people.  We are in a period of healing.  Why can the world not see that?

I know there are others who live in different countries who have because of their cultures feel it is okay to have multiply relationships and I get that, however, when a girl says no, she means no.  I am content as I am right now.  I do not need a man in my life to make me happy.  I too am in a healing process and need this time of separation to get myself back on the right path.  I am married to Jesus at the moment and He will take care of all my needs until God leads my husband and I back together.  I am standing my ground and the ideals of this world will not draw me into their schemes.  I have been faithful to my husband from the day I married him and I have no plans to change that status in my life.

So, in conclusion, yes my status says I am separated.  I am still married to my husband of 20 years and until God says so, this will remain true.  I do not desire a relationship with anyone, mine is complicated enough.  I have enough things going on in my life such as trying to publish a book, keep up with my kids, work full time in a restaurant as a manager and trying to get my Mary Kay business off the ground.  God stepped in almost three years ago and separated my husband and I so that we could both have a time of healing, who am I to say what we should do?  If God dislikes divorce, I assure you He has everything under control and I am willing to wait for as long as it takes. I am willing to wait for restoration.

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