Today my life is good. The heart ache is gone and has been replaced with pure, treasurable love. My life once again has purpose and meaning. I finally feel like I have been placed on the right path which will propel me into my destiny. Life has not always been easy and even now there are steps I still am hesitant to take. I have come to this place where I trust God and I go where He says to go. Like Jesus mirrored in His ministry, he only did what He saw the Father doing, anything else would have been man’s doing,
How did I get from point A to point B without losing myself? I am not sure except there came this one day when my life was crashing all around me and I chose to stop running. It’s hard to wrap my mind around some of the things God calls us to do, and often they make absolutely no sense to the human thought process, yet I know beyond the shadow of a doubt it’s the way of God working in my life.
What caused me to write today about treasure? My husband. He left yesterday for a 2 day road trip. For most married couples that is no big deal, in fact often welcomed. Not me. Within the hour of him leaving I felt a loss. Not that I can’t be without him, I didn’t WANT to be without him. My husband is not what I asked for at all. I really had no choice when he dropped onto the radar of my life. For you see, I had this in-depth conversation with God in which I clearly stated that I did not want another man in my life after my divorce. Sometimes I am glad God does not listen to our pleas only because He has something so much better to offer us.
When John came in to my life I was broken. My heart had been shattered into a bazillion pieces and I had no desire to put them back together or be loved again, BUT God softened my heart. He renewed my thinking. As He did this, John became a true treasure in my life. The more I tried to say I did not deserve his love, the more God moved. Now, I would not trade my husband for anything in the world because I know how much he means to me and I know beyond the shadow of a doubt this is God’s plan for my life.
So what is your treasure? Is there something God has given to you that perhaps you did not understand? I encourage you to seek God for what your treausrable love is. Sometimes His ways do not make sense to us, but He is our loving Father and He desires to give us the best of everything. My best gift was love. The love of my children. The love of my husband. The love of dear friends. And most importantly the love of God which He has poured into my life even in the moments where I felt less than deserving of anything. Be still right now and KNOW that God is at work on your behalf and He will never leave you or forsake you.
2 Corinthians 4:15
All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.
Ever wonder how sometimes we have no understanding of how we end up where we do? We have been given a free will and often we as humans just take advantage of it thinking we know more than God does. Twenty years ago I made the choice to marry a man I thought I could fix. I knew he was a drinker but I thought for sure I could cure that. Before we even got married I got pregnant with my son, this made me think that I had no choice now but to stay. I could not see that God had a much bigger plan for my life, yet what happened over the last 20 years has given me the ability to love with a compassion for others like I might never have gained.
As I watched my husband spiral out of control, I felt so stuck and lost in a relationship that I soon realized had nothing to do with God. As I stood by my husband even in his complete brokenness I felt empty as if I had no purpose but to keep this man alive for his children. I was lost. I was alone. I was hurting. I was confused and broken. My heart was shattered in a million pieces yet I stood beside him until three years ago. While I sat in an emergency room watching my husband fight for his life from a drug overdose/suicide attempt, I cried out to God. I finally wanted out. I could not stand beside him any longer.
Three years have passed and I am now divorced. It was not a choice I found easy to make, however it was by God’s grace that I was released. I was willing to stand and wait for my husband to be healed. I would have done anything God said to do, but He was silent for so long on the subject until I was willing to just surrender it all and leave it at the cross. I was alone for the whole three years up until God gave me the release to pursue divorce. Within a few days of my release, God gave me a chance at life again.
He sent a man into my life who would show me what a right relationship was. He stands now beside me even in my brokenness. He seeks God first and brings me only things which will edify me. He understands my weaknesses and does his best to love me right where I am, insecurities and all. As we have chosen to be married due to what God had began in our spirits, we spoke about how I needed to feel release from my ex-husband. We talked with our pastor and he said that some day, my ex-husband would thank John for taking care of me, realizing that he couldn’t. We figured it would be years down the road as it was a huge statement to receive.
This is how great God’s grace really is. First the phone call a few weeks before the divorce went through and then at the courthouse the day of the divorce. After all was said and done and the judgement for divorce was granted, he called me over and said how happy he was for me and that he wished me the best. I felt overwhelmed at his kindness and grace only to watch him them walk over to John and speak the same thing to him. Grace, true grace. Only God can instill that grace in another human being. Even though I know my ex-husband was hurting, I knew he meant every word of what he spoke.
Today as I look forward to remarriage and a bright horizon of moving into the realm of a right relationship ordained by God, I am filled with such wonder at how God does what He does. We know beyond the shadow of a doubt that our steps are ordered by the Lord, therefore, everything we endured in our lives up to this point is God’s true grace on our lives. Even when we make the wrong choices, He sees fit to continue to give us grace until we are back on track with our destiny.