Tag Archives: children

A Tiny Key

Jesus said, “Today is salvation day in this home! Here he is: Zacchaeus, son of Abraham! For the Son of Man came to find and restore the lost.”
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I cannot pretend to understand the love between a father and son, as I am a mother, however I can comprehend love.  It would stand to reason that when a father sees his son for the first time it brings upon the man a flood of emotions.  Suddenly here is this child dependent upon him for love, attention and guidance as he grows up.  Maybe for some it seems like the most impossible task, only because of how they view who they are.  All I know is that a father’s love is not only needed but it is strong desire in each of as we learn and grow into the things of this world and its relationships.
Tragedy can strike any time.  Separations happen.  Divorce is ugly.  Love can be tainted.  Relationships can be torn.  Life can throw a multitude of failures at us.  Yet, we push through.  We survive the jungle of lies and traps as we grow closer into a relationship with God.  For those who have been raised without a father in their lives, no matter the circumstances, they may have a distorted picture of who God really is. Depending on the picture our fathers painted in our lives, we may see God as angry or distant or too busy or unloving or uncaring or just not there.  Some may feel abandoned or unwanted.  Others may feel rejected and misunderstood.  There is a multitude of different ways to see God, and many of the perceptions of the broken among us is wrong.
Today, right before my eyes I witnessed God in His most elaborate form, fatherly love.  My husband crossed a bridge to a whole new level of God in the matter of minutes.  Being reunited with his father after several years of absence and false emotions, I saw the love a father has for his son brimming in the eyes of a very broken man.  I do not have all the details of the past, but today was what was relevant.  In a moment of pure forgiveness, God melted the hearts of two men and has begun a restoration in them both.  For my husband it was seeing God in a whole new light as a loving, caring Father who has hopes and dreams for His beloved children.  For John’s dad, hope was restored,along with a good dose of acceptance.
Healing has begun.  In just one moment of time, forgiveness, a tiny key, opened a doorway to new love.  A doorway down a path of restoration and new revelation.  Our God is a God of restoration.  I do not have enough words to describe the restoration process in my life, let alone what He is doing in my husbands’ life.  I encourage you to spend some time with God and seek Him and His love.  Let Him reveal Himself to you as the loving Father that He is.  If you think God is mad at you for your failures, you are wrong.  If you think He can’t possible love you, you have a misconception about Him.  If you think you have to fix everything in your life before you can return to Him, the devil has you deceived.  Choose right now to see Him in a different light.  Let go of the hurt.  Forgive yourself.  See Him for the love He has for you.  It’s not too late.  He is waiting for you.
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Treasurable Love

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Today my life is good.  The heart ache is gone and has been replaced with pure, treasurable love.  My life once again has purpose and meaning.  I finally feel like I have been placed on the right path which will propel me into my destiny.  Life has not always been easy and even now there are steps I still am hesitant to take.  I have come to this place where I trust God and I go where He says to go.  Like Jesus mirrored in His ministry, he only did what He saw the Father doing, anything else would have been man’s doing,

How did I get from point A to point B without losing myself?  I am not sure except there came this one day when my life was crashing all around me and I chose to stop running.  It’s hard to wrap my mind around some of the things God calls us to do, and often they make absolutely no sense to the human thought process, yet I know beyond the shadow of a doubt it’s the way of God working in my life.

What caused me to write today about treasure? My husband.  He left yesterday for a 2 day road trip.  For most married couples that is no big deal, in fact often welcomed.  Not me.  Within the hour of him leaving I felt a loss.  Not that I can’t be without him, I didn’t WANT to be without him.  My husband is not what I asked for at all.  I really had no choice when he dropped onto the radar of my life.  For you see, I had this in-depth conversation with God in which I clearly stated that I did not want another man in my life after my divorce.  Sometimes I am glad God does not listen to our pleas only because He has something so much better to offer us.

When John came in to my life I was broken.  My heart had been shattered into a bazillion pieces and I had no desire to put them back together or be loved again, BUT God softened my heart.  He renewed my thinking.  As He did this, John became a true treasure in my life.  The more I tried to say I did not deserve his love, the more God moved.  Now, I would not trade my husband for anything in the world because I know how much he means to me and I know beyond the shadow of a doubt this is God’s plan for my life.

So what is your treasure?  Is there something God has given to you that perhaps you did not understand?  I encourage you to seek God for what your treausrable love is.  Sometimes His ways do not make sense to us, but He is our loving Father and He desires to give us the best of everything.  My best gift was love.  The love of my children.  The love of my husband.  The love of dear friends.  And most importantly the love of God which He has poured into my life even in the moments where I felt less than deserving of anything.  Be still right now and KNOW that God is at work on your behalf and He will never leave you or forsake you.

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Givin’ Up

 

Zechariah 8:11-12

“But things have changed. I’m taking the side of my core of surviving people: Sowing and harvesting will resume, Vines will grow grapes, Gardens will flourish, Dew and rain will make everything green.
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So what do you do when you are at the end of a rope?  What is there to do when all of your hope is lost?  What do you say when all of the words have voided the premises?  How many times to you run into the same brick building without it even budging?  This is how I felt sometimes in my new marriage, not because of the union of two hearts, but because there was conflict with blending families.  
If you have not noticed yet, there is an age gap between John and I..like 19 years.  I had two grown children when I entered into this second marriage and this made for some rocky waters to walk on.  I cannot pretend to have any clue the thoughts or feelings either of my children had, but I know they had doubts and questions.  Everything happened in such a rush that I did not take the time to look at all of the pieces of the puzzle before I tried to but them together.  Not knowing the whole picture to begin with also made it more difficult.
As I watched my son hug my husband on our wedding day and welcome him to the family, I was filled with joy, yet concerned for my daughter.  It took lots of prayer and surrender but now my daughter and husband get along quite well.  He is learning his boundaries as a step-dad and my children are receiving of the love he has to offer.  We all know that he will never take the place of a dad in their lives, but we hope strong relationships of trust will continue to grow.
Giving up is not really just shoving things aside and forgetting about it ever changing.  Giving up is about surrender.  When there is nothing left that you can do…give it up.  If you come to a crossroads and neither option really looks appealing…give it up.  If you find your self in a hopeless situation that you cannot control…give it up.  If you begin to grasp the understanding that all of our lives are in God’s hands then giving up is easy to do because we trust in His plan for our lives.  We need to learn how to stop giving it our all and self-destructing in the process and give it to Him so that we can be all that we were designed to be as His children.

Ignore, Ignore, Ignore

Deuteronomy 5:24

They said, ‘Look, the Lord our God has shown us his glory and greatness, and we have heard His voice from the heart of the fire. Today we have seen that God can speak to us humans, and yet we live!
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Ignore! Ignore!  Ignore!  was often the chant I heard as my children were growing up.  They would have this disagreement and since they did not want to listen to what the other one was saying they would repeat this until the other person left or saw things their way.  How often do we do this in our walk with God?  Sometimes we think we have the better answer and we begin to ignore the voice of God trying to lead us in a different direction.  I know I have ignored God a few times yet He always seems to win so if only I would follow that still small voice in the first place, I might just get somewhere in this Christian walk the first time around instead of trudging around the mountain.
I think sometimes we just don’t like what God has to say and we go off doing our own thing.  Even when in our heads we know we are not in the will of God, we still seem to think we have the better idea for the situation.  Then, God has to take us through the lesson of disobedience and we have to stop and learn something before we can go any further in our walk.  When will we learn to stop and listen first and then move in what God has for us?
Sometimes in our rebellion we really make a wrong choice and it can set us back for years while other times it is a simple mistake and we can quickly get back to where we started from.  Thank goodness our God is a gracious and loving Father who only seeks to set us in the right direction so that we may achieve what He as for us.  All God wants is to see us flourish and go in the path He already designed for us, however our freewill often prevents us from hearing directly from God and can hinder our walk.
Have you ever ignored God?  Ever found yourself in the wrong direction only having to admit He was right all along?  Yup, that’s a tricky spot to be, yet our God is still there, waiting for our response to His calling.  I urge you to seek His face in prayer and begin to really listen for His still small voice to guide you back to His plan.  I am so glad I have learned to hear more clearly.  It as enabled me to stay on track and headed in the right direction, ultimately His goal for all of us.

Facing Reality

Psalm 66:12

Then you put a leader over us. We went through fire and flood, but you brought us to a place of great abundance.
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Time to be real…hate that.  I am really great at pretending everything is just fine when the reality of the situation rears its ugly face and I come to the strange realization that I have been hiding again.  Each time I think I have things all figured out, something sneaks up and grabs me out of no where and it shakes me until I stare it in the face and deal with it.  Sigh, some call it walking through the fire, I like to call it a cry in the wilderness.  No wait, SCREAMING, in the face of distress.
I spent a lot of my life making everything on the surface seem fine.  I held a full time job, raised two kids, went to church and made the world think things were just honky dory when the reality of the situation was I was falling apart piece by piece and no one even noticed.  I lived each day the same as the one before and it seemed as if I did not know any different.  As I began to seek God in my life, things began to change.  I cried every time the worship started at church.  I began to share my story with the people God had placed in my life.  God began cracking my shell and soon I was spilling my guts out everywhere and this is where God could finally take over.
Once I was an open book so to speak, God could start writing new chapters again.  He created a new life for me and it was if I slammed the first book closed, right when I thought things were all in alignment again.  I moved into a whole new book even though there were unfinished chapters in the first one.  For you see, I moved on with me and what God had set in motion for my life and left my kids behind in the other book.  Hmmmm, I wonder how that happened?
Today, I faced the reality of a split family face to face, nose to nose.  Though I have moved out of my life of disarray I seemed to have left my own children to fend for themselves…who does that?  In light of all of this, I can see hope.  Now that things have been brought to the surface they can be dealt with.  Now that each party has been forced so to speak to spill their guts, things can change for the better.  Facing reality may not seem like a fun thing to do, however it opens up our hearts for the possibility for change.
Facing reality can be labeled as toxic, not to be messed with our hearts are not open to the possibility of things being set right.  Facing reality means you have to stop pretending everything is okay.  Facing reality means there are some changes that will occur.  Finally, facing reality means coming to terms with rejection, pride, self-worth, pain, brokenness, heart issues, run-a-way emotions, anger issues and so many other ugly things about ourselves.  Is it time for a reality check in your life?

True Grace

2 Corinthians 4:15
All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.

Ever wonder how sometimes we have no understanding of how we end up where we do? We have been given a free will and often we as humans just take advantage of it thinking we know more than God does.  Twenty years ago I made the choice to marry a man I thought I could fix.  I knew he was a drinker but I thought for sure I could cure that.  Before we even got married I got pregnant with my son, this made me think that I had no choice now but to stay.  I could not see that God had a much bigger plan for my life, yet what happened over the last 20 years has given me the ability to love with a compassion for others like I might never have gained.

As I watched my husband spiral out of control, I felt so stuck and lost in a relationship that I soon realized had nothing to do with God.  As I stood by my husband even in his complete brokenness  I felt empty as if I had no purpose but to keep this man alive for his children.  I was lost.  I was alone.  I was hurting.  I was confused and broken.  My heart was shattered in a million pieces yet I stood beside him until three years ago.  While I sat in an emergency room watching my husband fight for his life from a drug overdose/suicide attempt, I cried out to God.  I finally wanted out.  I could not stand beside him any longer.

Three years have passed and I am now divorced.  It was not a choice I found easy to make, however it was by God’s grace that I was released.  I was willing to stand and wait for my husband to be healed.  I would have done anything God said to do, but He was silent for so long on the subject until I was willing to just surrender it all and leave it at the cross.  I was alone for the whole three years up until God gave me the release to pursue divorce.  Within a few days of my release, God gave me a chance at life again.

He sent a man into my life who would show me what a right relationship was.  He stands now beside me even in my brokenness.  He seeks God first and brings me only things which will edify me.  He understands my weaknesses and does his best to love me right where I am, insecurities and all.  As we have chosen to be married due to what God had began in our spirits, we spoke about how I needed to feel release from my ex-husband.  We talked with our pastor and he said that some day, my ex-husband would thank John for taking care of me, realizing that he couldn’t.  We figured it would be years down the road as it was a huge statement to receive.

This is how great God’s grace really is.  First the phone call a few weeks before the divorce went through and then at the courthouse the day of the divorce.  After all was said and done and the judgement for divorce was granted, he called me over and said how happy he was for me and that he wished me the best.  I felt overwhelmed at his kindness and grace only to watch him them walk over to John and speak the same thing to him.  Grace, true grace.  Only God can instill that grace in another human being.  Even though I know my ex-husband was hurting, I knew he meant every word of what he spoke.

Today as I look forward to remarriage and a bright horizon of moving into the realm of a right relationship ordained by God, I am filled with such wonder at how God does what He does.  We know beyond the shadow of a doubt that our steps are ordered by the Lord, therefore, everything we endured in our lives up to this point is God’s true grace on our lives.  Even when we make the wrong choices, He sees fit to continue to give us grace until we are back on track with our destiny.