Tag Archives: broken

Who Took My Blankie?

My very own

Just recently I had a passionate conversation and I wished I had recorded it, however, I will do my best to repeat the magnitude of what was said.

We are born.  Not by our own choice, but God’s.  We come into this world very unaware of our surroundings.  No clue perhaps in those first few moments of taking our first breaths.  Then as if out of nowhere there is a cutting.  A sudden revelation of a separation takes place.  The life line which you had been connected to for nine or so months suddenly is gone.

Now of course in those early stages of life we don’t actually have those thoughts running through our heads as birthing is a natural process which has been happening in this earth for a very long time.  For those who have anxiety at the moment you can probably close your eyes and imagine that whole beginning scene.  Those with separation issues could also relate.  What you once knew as comfort and connection is suddenly gone. Taken away.

So let’s take this to the next level.  As children we often cling to things such as stuffed animals, dolls or the ever so popular blankie.  These items become very important to us in early life.  You share EVERYTHING with this object, things you probably never told anyone else except for maybe your imaginary friend if you had one around.  I remember my son had a favorite teddy bear.  He went every where my son went.  If it was time for Teddy to have a bath, my son would stand by the washer and dryer until the whole process was complete.  He was clearly attached.

For the purposes of this discussion I am going to use the representation of the Blankie as I move through this next phase.  The Blankie is going to represent things we cling to in life as a comfort: food, family, friends, secret sins, drugs, alcohol and the likes.  Anything which we choose to go to instead of God.  As with the Blankie, we develop a relationship with our source of comfort.  It’s the one thing we know that will never let us down, it does not have the ability to.  We know when no one else understands us, our Blankie will.  It will comfort us.  Keep us close.  Never rejecting us.  Always a true friend and confidante.

What happens when God asks us to let go of the Blankie so that He can be our comfort, our true friend and confidante?  Of course!  We panic.  We cling all the tighter to our Blankie because a fear rises up in us.  How can we trust anyone else with our Blankie?  It knows us inside and out and would never hurt us or reject us or leave us hanging.  How do we know we will find comfort after we let go of the Blankie?

It all comes down to trust.  A trust beyond all thinking.  A trust so strong you have no choice but to cling to it instead of your false comforts.  For you see, a Blankie is just a false representation of love and trust.  In the end, you can’t take it with you.  It will be burned up with the things of the past.  You will step into heaven and God will be there.  Not your Blankie,–your false comfort.

God is calling us to trust Him with EVERYTHING.  Just like we shared our entire early stages of life with said Blankie, God wants you to choose to trust Him.  He wants to be your comfort.  Your security.  You source of Acceptance.

Some of us are still clinging to our Blankies.  We are at a point in our adult lives where we are afraid of being hurt and disappointed.  We don’t want to give up the very thing which has been there all along.  Drugs, alcohol, secret sins, food, bad relationships and various other addictions are not our security.  They are not our comfort.  They are not to be trusted.  Only God. God is the only one who will never let you down.  He will be there from the beginning until the end.  You can take Him where ever you go.  You can share every secret with Him.

One final thought.  In the beginning, we are not the ones who get to choose who cuts the cord.  When it comes to our false comforts we don’t have to do anything but trust God to take them and heal us from the aftermath.  We run around this big earth thinking we have to do more.  Thinking we are the ones who have to fix ourselves before we can go to God.  Those are lies.  God will take your Blankie.  All you have to do is believe.

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Dear Lord, Help me today to trust you with my Blankie.  I choose today to trust you with my Blankie.  I believe You can be trusted.  I believe You are my source of comfort and security.  Lord let me learn that the past is behind me and You are right in front of me, waiting to heal me.  I thank You Lord for removing those things in my life which are not of You.  I pray for all those who feel stuck in their sin or addictions that they made find true comfort in You alone and be healed from their wounds.  In Jesus Name.  Amen.

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Drunk Man in the Basement

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Sometimes when God is trying to get a point across He chooses to do it in the most dramatic way possible so that we do not forget the point of the story. He does this quite often in my life, perhaps because I am such a vivid person and the more color something has to it the more likely I am to remember it.

Let me preface this story a little before I get into the meat of it. My husband and I live in the basement of my 83 year old father’s house because we take care of his basic needs. We therefore, have a house full of items in a tiny space. Like, 2 dressers, two nightstands, a big chair, a big bed, a vanity, two large bookcases plus the washer and dryer, furnace and hot water heater, not to mention the hanging clothes since there is no closet and some shoes. We coexist very well in our small living corners…until…we decide to rearrange the many items we have.

I recently started my own Mary Kay business and I needed an office corner so to speak and that’s what started the whole mess. As we began to clean and reorganize it became a cluttered mess. We had boxes here, shoes over there and dressers right in the middle of everything. And after the third broken candle we were getting pretty frustrated. I am going to be very open about our relationship from this point on so you may want to buckle up! John is a very organized, simple man, not fond of clutter. His truck is always clean and there are no extra of anything laying around. Me? Well let’s just say being the creative person that I am, I hang out in the opposite end of the spectrum. I came into the marriage with stuff. Sentimental things of value to me. I have a hard time letting things go because I KNOW that I will need it later for something.

So here we were busy rearranging and cleaning and moving when the bickering began. I would be busy doing my own area and he would need me to take care of something where he was, immediately. Then came the all too common “You have too many clothes” comment which I retaliated with “I just gave away 5 boxes of clothes to our friends and 8 pairs of jeans to my daughter.” Then it was just like an explosion when off in our basement and there was no containing the words which flew. Then we would calm each other down from our frustrations and keep moving forward until the tension built again and another eruption would follow.

Then came the moment when everything was out of place and my husband could not see the vision of the finished project when I could clearly see it in my minds eye and I lashed out in a authoritative way. I said these words to him as he wanted to just give up:

“So what you are saying is this, if this basement was a drunk guy in need of Jesus that you would just give up on him? Are you saying he has no hope? Do you believe he is broken beyond repair?”

Dead silence filled the basement. As we began to realize that our mess was fixable. We knew in that moment that we could not give up hope. We were willing to do what it took to regain order.

Isn’t this how we should be with the broken people in our lives? No one is beyond repair. No one is worth giving up on. Everyone has a purpose and we need to be willing to give someone our best shot. We need to let them know that there is always hope.

There was one point towards the end of “project basement overhaul” that I was ready to be done and my husband looked at me with his wonderful smile and said, “So now you’re ready to give up on the drunk guy?” I will never forget that day in the basement. God used something as simple as rearrange our living space to teach us a powerful lesson on how to never give up on people and to always remember there is hope for everyone!

Dear Lord, Thank you for your grace and mercy. Help us to remember that above all else in life that we all have worth and no matter how bad off we think someone is, Your grace is there. Help us to have patience with one another in all of life’s circumstances. Continue to use ordinary life situations to teach us lessons on how we can be a beacon of hope for someone else. In Jesus Name Amen

A Tiny Key

Jesus said, “Today is salvation day in this home! Here he is: Zacchaeus, son of Abraham! For the Son of Man came to find and restore the lost.”
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I cannot pretend to understand the love between a father and son, as I am a mother, however I can comprehend love.  It would stand to reason that when a father sees his son for the first time it brings upon the man a flood of emotions.  Suddenly here is this child dependent upon him for love, attention and guidance as he grows up.  Maybe for some it seems like the most impossible task, only because of how they view who they are.  All I know is that a father’s love is not only needed but it is strong desire in each of as we learn and grow into the things of this world and its relationships.
Tragedy can strike any time.  Separations happen.  Divorce is ugly.  Love can be tainted.  Relationships can be torn.  Life can throw a multitude of failures at us.  Yet, we push through.  We survive the jungle of lies and traps as we grow closer into a relationship with God.  For those who have been raised without a father in their lives, no matter the circumstances, they may have a distorted picture of who God really is. Depending on the picture our fathers painted in our lives, we may see God as angry or distant or too busy or unloving or uncaring or just not there.  Some may feel abandoned or unwanted.  Others may feel rejected and misunderstood.  There is a multitude of different ways to see God, and many of the perceptions of the broken among us is wrong.
Today, right before my eyes I witnessed God in His most elaborate form, fatherly love.  My husband crossed a bridge to a whole new level of God in the matter of minutes.  Being reunited with his father after several years of absence and false emotions, I saw the love a father has for his son brimming in the eyes of a very broken man.  I do not have all the details of the past, but today was what was relevant.  In a moment of pure forgiveness, God melted the hearts of two men and has begun a restoration in them both.  For my husband it was seeing God in a whole new light as a loving, caring Father who has hopes and dreams for His beloved children.  For John’s dad, hope was restored,along with a good dose of acceptance.
Healing has begun.  In just one moment of time, forgiveness, a tiny key, opened a doorway to new love.  A doorway down a path of restoration and new revelation.  Our God is a God of restoration.  I do not have enough words to describe the restoration process in my life, let alone what He is doing in my husbands’ life.  I encourage you to spend some time with God and seek Him and His love.  Let Him reveal Himself to you as the loving Father that He is.  If you think God is mad at you for your failures, you are wrong.  If you think He can’t possible love you, you have a misconception about Him.  If you think you have to fix everything in your life before you can return to Him, the devil has you deceived.  Choose right now to see Him in a different light.  Let go of the hurt.  Forgive yourself.  See Him for the love He has for you.  It’s not too late.  He is waiting for you.

Treasurable Love

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Today my life is good.  The heart ache is gone and has been replaced with pure, treasurable love.  My life once again has purpose and meaning.  I finally feel like I have been placed on the right path which will propel me into my destiny.  Life has not always been easy and even now there are steps I still am hesitant to take.  I have come to this place where I trust God and I go where He says to go.  Like Jesus mirrored in His ministry, he only did what He saw the Father doing, anything else would have been man’s doing,

How did I get from point A to point B without losing myself?  I am not sure except there came this one day when my life was crashing all around me and I chose to stop running.  It’s hard to wrap my mind around some of the things God calls us to do, and often they make absolutely no sense to the human thought process, yet I know beyond the shadow of a doubt it’s the way of God working in my life.

What caused me to write today about treasure? My husband.  He left yesterday for a 2 day road trip.  For most married couples that is no big deal, in fact often welcomed.  Not me.  Within the hour of him leaving I felt a loss.  Not that I can’t be without him, I didn’t WANT to be without him.  My husband is not what I asked for at all.  I really had no choice when he dropped onto the radar of my life.  For you see, I had this in-depth conversation with God in which I clearly stated that I did not want another man in my life after my divorce.  Sometimes I am glad God does not listen to our pleas only because He has something so much better to offer us.

When John came in to my life I was broken.  My heart had been shattered into a bazillion pieces and I had no desire to put them back together or be loved again, BUT God softened my heart.  He renewed my thinking.  As He did this, John became a true treasure in my life.  The more I tried to say I did not deserve his love, the more God moved.  Now, I would not trade my husband for anything in the world because I know how much he means to me and I know beyond the shadow of a doubt this is God’s plan for my life.

So what is your treasure?  Is there something God has given to you that perhaps you did not understand?  I encourage you to seek God for what your treausrable love is.  Sometimes His ways do not make sense to us, but He is our loving Father and He desires to give us the best of everything.  My best gift was love.  The love of my children.  The love of my husband.  The love of dear friends.  And most importantly the love of God which He has poured into my life even in the moments where I felt less than deserving of anything.  Be still right now and KNOW that God is at work on your behalf and He will never leave you or forsake you.

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Dandelion Lives and Mashed Potatoes

Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?
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Like the seeds on a dandelion stem we are but skeleton remains of what we were before Jesus began to heal us.  We are but a ghost of the image of what once was our self.  As we begin to seek God for answers on how to be healed and become whole it’s like we just keep blowing on those seeds and soon they disappear into the wind until all that is left is a stem.  This is where the dying process should begin but we as self-help gurus, want to start right at the beginning and kill the life out of our weeds.  For you see a dandelion is a weed to a beautiful, well kept lawn and the first thing we do is get our the spray and begin to annihilate life before it can begin.  But to God there is beauty to be beheld in the dandelion.
We as humans do the same thing to ourselves sometimes when we come to know Jesus.  All of a sudden there is an awareness of the sins which have surrounded us.  We start a no smoking program.  We join the nearest AA to control our drinking issues.  We do our best to stop swearing.  We stop gossiping about others.  We try to be nice to all people.  We try to fix all the wrong relationships in our lives all at once.   We begin to forgive our mothers, sisters, fathers, brothers, aunts, uncles, teachers and the multitude of people who have hurt us since birth.  What do we forget in this process?  Our very own selves.  We tend to misunderstand that all of the sin natures we have will begin to dissipate as we allow God to heal our wounded hearts.
We get so caught up in getting our lives in order and in line with God and trying to live right that we completely forget that we need to heal.  We need to forgive ourselves.  We need to right the relationship with ourselves.  Some of you are scratching your heads right now because this seems so backwards.  Some of you are saying that it could never happen because you have done so many wrong things.  Others of you are saying, what does loving myself got to do with anything?
Loving yourself is the center of who you are.  God created you to have an intimate relationship with and if you are not in tune with who you are because you don’t even want to approach you because of all the unlove, then how will you ever have a right relationship with God?  If we are always running away from our own issues, how are we ever going to be healed?  I think that we are so busy trying to figure out life that we forget it’s all up to God.  We were created by Love itself.
We need to come to this realization that God does all the healing and fixing of us.  We just need to surrender our will to His plan.  We need to be obedient to that still small voice.  We have to begin to believe all of the promises God has for us in the Bible.  We need to come to the full understanding that God loves us and will never leave our side.  Healing is a process.  Somethings can be healed instantly while other issues in our lives just take time.  We live in a society of instant mashed potatoes and I think we expect that if we just had water, butter and some heat to a heap of flakes our lives will be all back together in a matter of minutes.
Stop running.  Just stand still.  Rest.  Relax.  Hear God say. “I love you”  ” I miss you”  “Come spend some quiet time with me”  He is waiting for you to just give up.  To finally be able to say to Him, “Here I am Lord, fix me, I am broken and unable to put me back together.”

Plugging in ALL of My Lights

1 Corinthians 2:9 [Full Chapter]

We, of course, have plenty of wisdom to pass on to you once you get your feet on firm spiritual ground, but it’s not popular wisdom, the fashionable wisdom of high-priced experts that will be out-of-date in a year or so. God’s wisdom is something mysterious that goes deep into the interior of his purposes. You don’t find it lying around on the surface. It’s not the latest message, but more like the oldest—what God determined as the way to bring out his best in us, long before we ever arrived on the scene. The experts of our day haven’t a clue about what this eternal plan is. If they had, they wouldn’t have killed the Master of the God-designed life on a cross. That’s why we have this Scripture text: No one’s ever seen or heard anything like this, Never so much as imagined anything quite like it— What God has arranged for those who love him. But you’ve seen and heard it because God by his Spirit hasbrought it all out into the open before you.
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What does it mean to give it all? Webster’s dictionary says GIVE means: to make a present of, to grant or bestow by formal action, to put in the possession of another for his or her use, to administer as a sacrament, to commit to another as a trust or responsibility and usually for an expressed reason, to transfer from one’s authority or custody. And the definition of ALL is: the whole, entire, total amount, quantity or extent of.  Hmmmmm, so giving it all when you are following after God simply means:

 All of me as a present to God in a formal manner, putting me in His possession as a living sacrifice, committing myself to His authority, trusting that when I give my all to Him I am allowing Him to have my entire being, mind, body and soul.

Wow!  Until today as I am writing this to you, I think I was deceived into believing that I could just give God what I thought He needed of me at the time.  I am beginning to see the light!  The light of truth.  If we could only come to this place where we just give it all at one time we could see changes in us that may have taken years come to reality in a shorter period of time.  Think about it, if you have a string of Christmas lights and it has 300 bulbs that fit in it and you put only one in each day it would take you 300 days before you could enjoy the lights! But if you put all the lights in it the day that you received it, the light would be on from that moment forward.

Now don’t get lost here, I have a point.  When we come to know Christ in that one moment of acceptance, He gives us everything we need to survive this world, He gives us salvation and grace and unconditional love and the blessing of the Holy Spirit.  What if He only gave it to us one piece at a time?  Some of us would be stuck in the mud for a very long time before we came to see the fullness of Christ in our lives!  But when we choose Jesus we get it all, it is that moment we should come to believe that we are to give it all to Jesus….all of our garbage:  addictions, rejection, insecurities, desires, any brokenness or ungodliness.

However, this is a difficult from the standpoint of how many of us come to meet Jesus.  So many of us come with such a hunger for something different yet we are too broken to figure out what part of God we should take part of first.  As we grow and mature we soon discover how massive God’s love is for us and we begin to give Him more and more pieces of us.  Sometimes we are so overcome by His love that we decide to just give it all to Him.  This is what is happening to me right now.  I have this overwhelming desire to give every tiny little but of myself over to God.  I have come to this place in life where nothing else matters but God and His agenda for my life.

So I am choosing to put all the light bulbs in the string and plug into what God has for my life, are you willing to do the same?

Is Your Receiver Broken?

Receive and experience the amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, deep, deep within yourselves.
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Do you find it hard sometimes to accept love?  Maybe even its’ hard to take in a compliment.  Mainly this stems from our own low esteem or unbelief in ourselves.  I know myself I just have a really hard time receiving things.  Sometimes it comes from not believing in myself but often it comes from just not want to believe the statements are true.
My husband is a prime example of my broken ability to receive.  He will see me first thing in the morning with my hair in every direction, no make-up and probably not the best  breath and say to me, “You are so beautiful.”  I will just groan and roll over in the other direction. He will try again later and I just shrug it off.
When we first got together we both had a issue receiving love.  We were really good at giving love but when it came to receiving we were broke.  We both came from unrealistic relationships.  We had both been very hurt by love itself.  Neither one of us understood why God would put such broken people in the same relationship.
As time has gone by we have learned to receive each others love.  As we have begun to heal and grow together we have a reception ability to love.  I think for awhile we just did not trust this to be real.
Today I am working on accepting his compliments and he is working on receiving my love to a greater depth.  God will heal anyone’s broken receiver if we just allow Him into the brokenness.  Where we get stuck is that we think we have to fix ourselves but we don’t.  God will pour in His grace until all the broken pieces are mended.  He will continue to love us until we believe in love again.