At His Feet

Revelation 17:17
For God has put it in their hearts to execute His purpose by having a common purpose, and by giving their kingdom to the beast, until the words of God will be fulfilled.


At a recently Bible study we were caught up in a moment of learning to let it go.  There was a study planned which we never encountered, instead we were overcome by the presence of God.  Many times we know not what we carry around with us every day.  Struggles, stresses, overwhelming guilt, pressures, crushed dreams and the many schemes of life.  We let these things run our daily lives as if they are who we are.  Sometimes we are unaware of the devastation which accompanies such things.  Depression comes when we are unable to handle what is right in front of us, which is why God is asking us to lay it all down before Him and let Him have it, never for us to pick it up again.

How many times have we repeated the words, “Let go and let God?”  only to find ourselves six months later right back in the same dessert wandering around yelling at God?  It is truly human nature to want to direct our own lives and be the master of it.  We think we have a better way of getting things done in a more timely fashion, especially since we live in such a need it now and instantaneously society.  God doesn’t throw our problems in a bowl and add water so that it becomes an instant fix; sometimes His plans take hours, days, weeks and yes even years.

I am standing in the grace of God right now concerning my marriage.  I was separated by drugs from my husband two years ago and I am still standing here in faith waiting for God.  Many would  have given up by now, however God promised me the restoration of my marriage, yet He gave me no time frame to go by.  Sometimes I try to pick up my marriage and put it back together thinking I figured out the magic solution, only to discover it would put my enabler personality back into overdrive.  I have to just stand in grace as God works on things. 

I will not deny it is very frustrating at times.  I want to run to my husband, shake him violently and say, “Why are you not listening to God?!”  I want to send him literature in the mail to try to influence his thinking.  I want to send him flyers explaining the next revival meeting or means group, yet I can’t.  I would be going against the will of God and I surely would just be picking up what I left at His feet.  Even though I desire to do these things in the flesh, assure you my inner man is screaming at me to let God handle it.

Laying it down at the feet of Jesus again for me brought such an overwhelming peace.  As I began to surrender those things I thought I could control, I was filled with joy and assurance.  I knew God had me in His arms.  I felt Him moving all around me.  I knew He had plans for me I could not see.  I was certain of His wisdom in the perfect timing.  I stood before Him in tears as I repented for carrying around my marriage trying to fix it myself.  I have total confidence that if you give something to God He well be faithful to complete His promises.

I urge you right now to go before the Lord and lay it all at the feet of Jesus.  Sometimes it takes several trips to empty your arms of the great load you carry; however, it is so worth it.  Give Him your burdens, your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your loved ones and most of all, surrender yourself.  Give God permission to work things out for your benefit.  Let Him intercede for you.  Let Him show you His love and grace.  By doing so He will fill you with a peace some have never experienced before.  Are you truly ready to let go?  Are you tired of trying to be the hero in someone elses’ life?  Do you have enough faith in God to give it all to Him to take care of?  Let it all go, right now.


Unforgettable Conversations

Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 3:19
and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 4:18
being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart;

Why me Lord?  Why do bad things happen to good people?  How did I end up where I am?  What happened to me?  When will things go better?  Who is going to take me out of this situation?  How many times have you asked these same questions?  How often do we not realize that no matter how difficult things seem for us at the moment, there may be someone else who is being affected as well?  As the result of a drug addicted husband, the conversation I had with my son today threw me for a loop.  I walked away from the table so confused as to why my son felt the way he did and then the Lord showed me the above verses and I saw so clearly what was happening.

Awhile back I gave my son to God and then I took him back only to lay him at the foot of Jesus a few months later.  After hearing a recent sermon I also determined to stick to that fact that God is control and I cannot change anyone, only God can.  So this sorta came in handy for my lunch conversation today.  I do not even know how the conversation turned to God, but it did.  My son had been active in the youth group and spoke in tongues, and then my husband’s suicide attempt put God on the back burner.  My son left church and began spending time away from home and rather disconnecting so to speak.  Then he began to say he did not believe in God (this is where I picked him back up for God) and I was shocked!  Here I was receiving revelation and healing from God and my son was denying His existence!

During our conversation at lunch, my son said he did not believe in God because he could not understand why God would leave me in such a situation for so long or why God would allow the drug addiction to rip our family apart.  Then he spoke the kicker:  What did he do to deserve this in his life?  Tears are flowing by this time and I was speechless.  I tried to “defend” God and my son just shut down and refused to listen.  I was so frustrated because I could not explain God to my own flesh and blood. Could he not see all of the good which had come in the past two years?  I know he lost a father, but his heavenly Father was blessing us.  I took it the Lord in prayer and He gave me the verses and a small simple word from one of my youth, “God comes to heal the broken-hearted.”  Bam!  God knew what I needed to hear and lifted my spirits.

Now I know I will never forget this conversation and God will continue to work in our lives, yet in the back of my head I just wonder what I could have done differently to stop this from happening.  Then, a moment on the floor with the Lord at revival and all those thoughts just disappear as God filled me with His love.  We often question our situations and we need to stop doing this and look for God.  He is near us in every situation even when we were the ones who made the bad choices.  God does come to heal the broken-hearted and I just need to be patient and let God do what He needs to do to interact in the lives around me.  In the meantime I will fill my time showing other how good our God is whether they choose to believe or not.



Find Joy in Your Flight

Find Joy In Your Flight


Quiet yourself in His Presence.

Be still before the Lord,

Be open like the wings of the butterfly

Soaking in the Son.

Dip your wings in God’s rainbow

Fill yourself with His colors of hope.

May the designs in the wings be representation

Of trials you have overcome.

Let the colors meld themselves together

Making a living tapestry of God’s grace.

May the movement of the wings

Spread peace to every soul.

Become like the butterfly

Be attracted to the good things in life

Take your time

Show no anger in the things of this world.

Soak in the sunlight

Stop to drink the nectar as if it was His wine

Find joy in just gliding in the wind,

Be focused on the things of God.

God is waiting

He longs for us to seek Him

He is requiring our trust;

Trusting He will be there in all situations.

Just as God provided nectar for the mere butterfly

So will He surely provide for you His child.

Drink in the nectar

Feel its’ restoring power to heal your woundedness.

Do not be distracted in flight.

Keep your eyes focused on Him

Be not drawn as the moth to the wildfire

For it destroys the things of God.

Be consumed instead by the true Light

For it is good and gentle.

It will reflect from you

Providing encouragement for others to receive.

For the Light builds us up and repairs inner hurts;

Restoring the things the enemy has destroyed,

Making a way for the lost to be found

And the broken to be renewed.

Therefore peace is found only in Him

Creator of the butterfly

And the Maker of you,

His precious child.                               

Now spread your wings in flight

Let go of that which holds you down in this world.

Trust the Lord to complete what He has started in you;

Soar towards the Light.


Are You Wearing a Jesus Mask?

Jeremiah 29:11

New Living Translation (NLT)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Why hide behind masks?  Why push things away behind curtains?  How is it possible that we think things will “just go away” if we ignore them long enough?  When do we begin to take responsibility for the things in our lives and stop blaming everyone else?  Where does it stop?  Maybe it never stops as we are flesh by nature, but that does not mean we have to operate as if the flesh is in control!  We need to operate out of our Spirit man more often to get results in our lives with the things of God.  Christianity should not be a mask we wear, it should be who we are.

Once we accept Jesus as our Savior we begin on a path the stand out from the crowd.  God wants us to be different than the rest.  He desires us to follow His plan for our life and the only way we can discern what that plan may even be is letting God have total control in our lives.  When we let God have control, we are assured of the good path, for God is not going to go against His Word!  Don’t be fooled by the things of this world into believing you don’t need God because you do, we can do nothing separate from the Father.  Also, don’t not find yourself wearing a Jesus Mask around only pretending to be about the things of God.  Be real about yourself and have confidence that you are a child of the King.

Recent events in my life just make me want to scream!  I get so frustrated when things are not going the way I envisioned them.  All too often I look the other direction and just hope the situation will change or go away.  Sometimes I feel I need to DO something in someones life to help them see God.  Well, as my pastor said this morning:  “Only God can change people, you can’t” .  So here I am Lord asking you, “What are You going to do with this?”  I no longer desire to wear the mask of “all is well” or “I have it all under control”.  I want to be me as I am accepted in Jesus.

Okay, harsh message I know, but God is speaking to me and telling me He is control and that when things look the worse, it is when He does His best work.  I need to focus on the now moments and not what the future entails.  People cannot be changed by my actions, but God can work through me to heal.  In order for this to happen, I have to let God have TOTAL control.  Hard isn’t it?  I have no magic answers to life’s problems, I just have Jesus, and that’s all I need.  Jesus is all YOU need.

I encourage you to take off the mask or masks that you are covering yourself with and get real about God.  Begin to see yourself for who you are in Christ and start living as if you KNOW God is control.  No hemming or hawing about what you should know, take the verse in Jeremiah and run with it!  Be secure in your relationship with God and let Him show you where to run to.  If you have fallen, get up!  Dust yourself off!  Reach toward Heaven and say, ” Daddy, will you pick me up?”  There is power in letting go and removing masks.  Seek after that power today and see what happens when you let God have control!

Darn! I did it again!

Ephesians 1:7
in whom we have our redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace

How many times do I have to say, “Darn!  I did that again!” and then spend the next few minutes, hours, days weeks or months beating myself up for something I had not intended to do and was against what I stood for.  As a Christian I have tried to live up to the standards of the Bible, yet there are times when I just falter and sink miserably.  Self-hatred comes from this issue of not living up to the expectations of a parent, teacher or minister.  Failing at work, school, marriage or relationships.  All of these things add up to hurt and disappointment and can lead to self-hatred.

Recently I had such an instance in my life.  I did not even realize what was going on.  I had a mom who yelled about everything:  room not clean enough, took to long to eat, walked home from school to slowly and other things, some of which I had no control over.  I felt like I failed at marriage and raising my children. Yet most of this was just Satan working his best to destroy me who should have been secure in who I was in Christ.  He knew if he could get me to hate myself I would not seek out the things of God and it would just become another one of my failures.

I prayed with a mentor over the situation and was surprised when the answer to what I was feeling was self-hatred.  What?  Me, hate myself?  No way, I like who I am.  We did some digging with prayer and found somewhere in me was this hatred for who I had become.  I was always changing things about myself and not really understanding why but as soon as we prayed for forgiveness, I felt such a release.  A way of acceptance swept of me as I wept in the lobby of McDonalds.  I was release the moment I asked God to forgive me for hating myself.  His mercy was felt in the places where I had been hiding from the pain.

In the next few minutes as I accepted myself for who I was in Christ, things in my life just began to make sense.  I wasn’t a cutter, but every time I changed my hair color or cut it off it usually was during a time of frustration.  I would get so angry at myself for things not going well at home or work.  I blamed myself for things I knew were out of my control.  Well, now that I know why I was reacting the way I was, I can counteract it with loving myself for who I am in Christ.  Asking for forgiveness and filling the anger with love is one of the ways to become more Christlike.  Letting go of my self-hatred allows me to see things more clearly through the eyes of Jesus….just the way God intended.

Wondering Where God is Sometimes?

John 3:8

Only God‘s Spirit gives new life. The Spirit is like the wind that blows wherever it wants to. You can hear the wind, but you don’t know where it comes from or where it is going.


Ever wonder how you got where you are?  Do you stop to think about where God is sometimes in your life?  Have you ever just cried out in desperation?  Ever feel like you just have walked so far out of the will of God it would be impossible to return to His grace?  Can you feel Him in the wind anymore?  Do you see Him in the starlit night or the array of colors of the sunrise in the morning?  We are called to seek His face.  Are we doing this?  Are we looking for Him in the tiny moments of life or are we too busy with the world to notice?  Tough questions I know, but I am tired of playing church.

I want to seek Him and His desires for my life.  I want to feel Him in the breezes and feel Him in the waves of the lake.  God created this earth for you and me to enjoy.  He spoke ALL things into existence, including us.  He made the trees, the birds, the oceans; everything which surrounds us, He created.  I want to get lost in love with God and see with His eyes.  I want to touch things and feel His Presence all around me.  I desire to hear His voice leading me.  I want to stop the worldly things I get bombarded with on a daily basis and just rest in Him.

I urge each of us to stop for just a moment each day and seek the face of God.  Be it a moment of listening intently to a song of worship or the chirp of a bird in the distance.  Take an extra glance at the stars that light up the night sky.  Stop to investigate the flight of a butterfly.  Be intrigued by the meandering of a ladybug.  Rejoice at the smell of flowers in the air.  Just stop.  Just stand in one spot and soak God in.  Rejuvenate yourself with the sweet Presence of God, He is there in every moment, we just need to seek Him.

I pray we will not be too busy for a minute with God each day, I know for a fact He is not too busy for us.  When we begin to stop and seek, our days will be brighter, our burdens lightened and our strength renewed.  Find peace in helping others.  Rejoice with the laughter you hear.  Begin to feel free in Jesus.  Let the happiness bubble up to the surface and take hold of your atmosphere.  I challenge us all to take time to practice seeking God.  Share your God experience with someone else, who knows where it can lead!

Broken Into Pieces

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

scattered about

longing for connection

wanting to be whole

my heart lays in pieces…..waiting.

As the days just continue to fade away, I have time to reflect on where I am.  My sole reason for writing is to touch hearts and reach those who are brokenhearted.  I long to help pick up the pieces and rebuild relationships simply by sharing what I have seen.  I am married to an addict, first alcohol and then drugs.  I was addicted to him as much as he was addicted to me.  Somehow in the strangest of ways, we needed to be with each other.  I needed him for acceptance and he needed someone to love him for who he was.  Kids complicated things as the marriage worsened, I wanted out, yet I just saw no alternative through the winding mess of  brokenness I had found myself in.

I would look in the mirror often and just wonder what I was doing here.  My heart was completely broken after 18 years of marriage.  My kids we 15 and 17 when my husband planned to commit suicide on my daughters 15th birthday with a 410 shot gun while high on methadone and even at the hospital as lies were being told about the situation, I was scared to say anything.  I feared a man who was clearly not in his right mind.  I was scared of what he would do if he found out I was the one who told the doctors finally about his addictions.  Looking back the only explanation as to why I could spill the story to the nurse, was God.  He took one look at me suffering in a situation I had placed myself in and found mercy; giving me the confidence in that one small moment of time to speak what I needed to say.  In that one small moment God was able to finally remove me from my situation so healing could begin.

In my weakness, God gave me courage.  In my crisis, He showed me they way out of the wilderness.  He heard my crying out to Him.  He was already finding all the pieces to my shattered heart so that He could begin the healing process, I just had to recognize I was broken.  This whole time I thought it had it under control. My kids were okay.  I was still working.  I went to church.  I just assumed God just let this relationship continue because He was serving a purpose for my life.  As I have started to get my thoughts in order, I have found writing this book about my situation has caused me to see I was not okay.  The kids were NOT okay.  Certainly I did not have things under control.  Yet God is using this now for good.

In the coming days, I will step into the reality of God.  He is real for every situation.  God is in every moment of the day.  He is our provider, our protector and our guide.  His love covers a multitude of wrong decisions and choices.  As we are beating ourselves up He is trying to find a way to encourage us.  Maybe for some it’s reading something that just hits home finally or He sends someone into your life for a season or a moment just to show you He is there….waiting.  Waiting for you to give it all to Him finally so He may begin picking up the pieces of your heart and put them back together for His glory.  He longs for you to be happy in all aspects of your life, this cannot happen if you think you are the one in control.


staring at the pieces

wondering if it still remembers

how to beat.

By Your Testimony Others Will Be Healed