How many times in our lives have when been faced with things that we just did not plan on happening? Sometimes it’s a car accident. Maybe the loss of a job. A loved one passes on. A sickness comes out of nowhere. Something happens that just stops life as we know it. Our day to day activities are either altered or come to a complete halt all together and it is out of our control. Often we have no say in the situation and this rocks our boat to the point of capsizing. When we are faced with the moment of understanding that we have no control we kinda freak out.
We have been holding on to the remote so tightly that our hands are tired and white knuckled. We have shaken and moved this remote in every direction possible and it seems to have stopped working altogether. When the frustration of the situation sets in we are ready to throw the remote as far as we can away from us begging God to take it. This is the moment when the light bulb pops on suddenly and you have come to the realization you were never in control in the first place. Never. Not from the time of your very conception. When we come to our senses and see that we were created for His purposes and we did not birth ourselves we can finally rest.
This is where I reside right now. I have come to a complete stop. I have refused to look past today. How long did it take me to get here? A very long time. Now, I am not one to plan out every detail of my life ahead of time, however I do like to figure things out and sometimes that can be very overwhelming and tiring. Let me show you what I am talking about.
Back in April I injured my back at work. I tried to fix it by ignoring it and the pain just worsened. Finally went to the doctor and that started a downward slide of medications and physical therapy only to arrive at the point where I needed surgery. In November the surgery took place and I began the slow process of healing. I was told I would be off work for 4 to 6 weeks and now its almost February and here I am still not back to work. Why? Because I am not the one in control. It’s not easy for me to take time to rest and in these past several weeks I have spent a great deal of time resting and seeking God. Every time I get myself prepared to go back to work, something else happens to delay it, not my choice, God’s.
So let’s throw a monkey wrench into this drama just for a bit of fun. The plan 5 weeks ago was that I would return to work on February 8th after my 6 weeks of physical therapy but after a recent visit to my OBGYN I discovered I was in need of another surgery to remove come polyps on my cervix so I have to have a D & C. Guess what day it’s scheduled for? The very day I was planning on returning to work..What??? God what are you doing? I now have to call my boss and tell her that I will not be back as planned until the 9th. (provided I even could) So for the last two weeks I have been dreading going back to work the day after a second surgery.
At church on Sunday night I shared my heart with the people who have been on this journey of recovery with me. We have watched God move time and time again. I had finally submitted that this was out of my hands. As I had spent a solid week trying to figure out how I was going to feel and playing out the what-ifs and getting all worked up I prayed. I surrendered. I let it go. I finally chose to live one day at a time without fear. I began to believe that God would not leave me hanging or stranded without a plan. A close friend confided in me that when she first heard I was having surgery she saw it like I was never going to give myself a rest and so God was going to put everything into motion for me, hence the surgery and the multiple extensions of my healing.
What happens when you give it up? He moves. He removes doubt. He moves mountains. He takes care of everything along the way. He squashes fears. He shows up and shows off. Yesterday as I was preparing for our team meeting making a dish to pass I received a phone call from my doctors office and they were canceling my appointment for Wednesday and could not reschedule until February 15. My first reaction was: WHAT? What are you doing God? Now I have to call my employer and once again explain that I will not be returning until a later day.
Then, as if being covered in a blanket of peace, I hear Him saying, “Be Still and Know that I am God. I am taking care of all things. All of this is out of your control.” And with that being said all of my anxiety left. I no longer have to fear going back to work the day after surgery, God took care of it. I don’t need to worry about my job, I am only following the doctors and I have no control over that. God took all of the decision making out of my weary hands. All I have to do is what is right in front of me. I don’t need to figure out how my boss will react. I don’t have to be consumed with figuring all of this out, I just need to be consumed with Him.
Thank You for being in control. Thank You for filling me with peace. I stand here surrendered to whatever Your plan is knowing You will always make a way. Help me to stay here on Your promises. Help me to accept that I am not in control. I choose now to render whatever control I think I still have powerless. Thank You for figuring out this life for me so that I can just rest in Your Presence. In Jesus Name. Amen.