“Confront me with the truth and I’ll shut up, show me where I’ve gone off the track. Honest words never hurt anyone, but what’s the point of all this pious bluster? You pretend to tell me what’s wrong with my life, but treat my words of anguish as so much hot air. Are people mere things to you? Are friends just items of profit and loss?
Warning! Warning! Warning!!
What you are about to read may cause you to remember some not so nice things about your past. I apologize up front for any emotional roller coaster I have taken you on.
Just recently the Lord has been dealing on my past, as ugly as some of it was, and the things He brought to my attention were not so pretty. My life as many of yours, has not been a bed of roses. My parents adopted me when I was 9 months old and I was brought into a home where I was wanted and loved but the same did not ring true for my parents. My dad drank and my mom constantly nagged him. As I grew older I just wanted to run away to where ever I could escape the stress.
As I looked to friendships to fill voids in my life, I learned to confide in others very easily and I trusted. Always trusted. Then at age 5 my best friend Wendy moved away. Now some say age 5?? Well I remember as if it was yesterday. I remember waving goodbye on the curb as my only friend was driven away by her parents. Then at age 8 my next best friend Kim moved to Texas with her family. I still can remember the emptiness I felt as one by one they left.
Then the heart-breaker was when Eleanor died and went to be with Jesus. I don’t remember how old I was but I remember waiting for her to come home on the bus (she was handi-capped) and as soon as she would get off the bus we would go lay in the grass for hours and watch the clouds in the sky. When Jesus took her home I was just devastated. As time went by I had friends but no one really close until just before Junior High. My friend and I got really close and I spent more time at her house than my own. Her sisters and brothers were like my own.
Then one day she confronted me and all of a sudden she did not like me anymore. She said she did not like the way I did my hair or make up and other various things about me and it shattered my idea of what best friends were. Through out the remainder of Junior High and High school I had friends. Some were close and others were just fun to hang out with. At this point I really did not want to get too close to anyone. The rejection that I felt from my past Best Friend relationships was too much to bear repeating.
When I got married, my ex-husband separated me from most of my friends. As my life began to revolve itself around raising kids and taking care of my ex-husband and trying to hold down a full time job, I felt I just did not have time for any friendships. Even when I started to go back to church I really did not see any need to seek out a best friend. I figured God was all I had left and He would never leave me.
Just recently my husband and I started a class at church called Love and Respect and the facilitator was instructing the husbands to choose someone to be accountable to. He said the wives did not need to do that because they always were talking to someone on the phone or had a circle of friends to help hold them accountable. My immediate thought was, “Not Me!” I no longer have a best friend. I have no one in my life except my husband to confide in. I don’t have someone to call at 2 am if I have a crisis that just needs a girlfriends help. I was bestfriendless…..and to me that was just fine.
What I saw in all of this was rejection. I did not even realize I had a fear of rejection until that man spoke that one sentence about finding an accountability partner other than our spouse………
God has a funny way of doing things for sure. After class I was in the sanctuary during the opening welcome and a friend came to me with exciting news and I just looked at her with tears in my eyes and I asked her to be my best friend.
Here is another prime example of how God knows exactly what we need before it’s anything we want in life and soon we come to the realization that it’s what we needed all along. For me it is on to new beginnings. I am searching the face of God on this new best friend relationship. It’s been so long for me that I am not sure I even know how to be a best friend to anybody but my hubby.
So now that I have bared my soul on Best Friends I hope I have not stirred up some things in you, BUT, if I did, I pray God begins a new work in you. I pray God leads you to that perfect friendship. A friendship that is lasting and edifying, One that will withstand any storm it faces. God is love and love is true friendships. We all need that one person separate from our home life that we can trust and confide in. Someone who will listen. Someone who will laugh and cry with you. But most of all someone who will hold you to that higher standard.