2 Corinthians 4:15
All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.
Ever wonder how sometimes we have no understanding of how we end up where we do? We have been given a free will and often we as humans just take advantage of it thinking we know more than God does. Twenty years ago I made the choice to marry a man I thought I could fix. I knew he was a drinker but I thought for sure I could cure that. Before we even got married I got pregnant with my son, this made me think that I had no choice now but to stay. I could not see that God had a much bigger plan for my life, yet what happened over the last 20 years has given me the ability to love with a compassion for others like I might never have gained.
As I watched my husband spiral out of control, I felt so stuck and lost in a relationship that I soon realized had nothing to do with God. As I stood by my husband even in his complete brokenness I felt empty as if I had no purpose but to keep this man alive for his children. I was lost. I was alone. I was hurting. I was confused and broken. My heart was shattered in a million pieces yet I stood beside him until three years ago. While I sat in an emergency room watching my husband fight for his life from a drug overdose/suicide attempt, I cried out to God. I finally wanted out. I could not stand beside him any longer.
Three years have passed and I am now divorced. It was not a choice I found easy to make, however it was by God’s grace that I was released. I was willing to stand and wait for my husband to be healed. I would have done anything God said to do, but He was silent for so long on the subject until I was willing to just surrender it all and leave it at the cross. I was alone for the whole three years up until God gave me the release to pursue divorce. Within a few days of my release, God gave me a chance at life again.
He sent a man into my life who would show me what a right relationship was. He stands now beside me even in my brokenness. He seeks God first and brings me only things which will edify me. He understands my weaknesses and does his best to love me right where I am, insecurities and all. As we have chosen to be married due to what God had began in our spirits, we spoke about how I needed to feel release from my ex-husband. We talked with our pastor and he said that some day, my ex-husband would thank John for taking care of me, realizing that he couldn’t. We figured it would be years down the road as it was a huge statement to receive.
This is how great God’s grace really is. First the phone call a few weeks before the divorce went through and then at the courthouse the day of the divorce. After all was said and done and the judgement for divorce was granted, he called me over and said how happy he was for me and that he wished me the best. I felt overwhelmed at his kindness and grace only to watch him them walk over to John and speak the same thing to him. Grace, true grace. Only God can instill that grace in another human being. Even though I know my ex-husband was hurting, I knew he meant every word of what he spoke.
Today as I look forward to remarriage and a bright horizon of moving into the realm of a right relationship ordained by God, I am filled with such wonder at how God does what He does. We know beyond the shadow of a doubt that our steps are ordered by the Lord, therefore, everything we endured in our lives up to this point is God’s true grace on our lives. Even when we make the wrong choices, He sees fit to continue to give us grace until we are back on track with our destiny.