Rendered Speechless

Psalm 103:5
He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!

Where is your inner child hidden?  Is it buried so far inside of your spirit that it no longer knows the way out?  It’s like the little piece of my heart no one wants to expose for fear of being hurt.  It’s like the stone we just never want to over turn in the river for fear of getting hurt.  My little girl has been hiding for so long.  I used to be filled with uncontainable joy.  I loved to dance and to run.  I love to just throw my arms up in an empty field and just be free.  I loved being the center of attention sometimes with my unique personality.  How did I lose this part of me?  What has hindered this in me?  Why have I not been able to be free like I once was?  Fear. Stolen joy.  Being hurt by love.  Being ignored.  Playing the part of the victim for far too long, that’s what happened.

Remember when I said God will often give us what we need before what we want?  This morning was another prime example.  Let me set the scene for you.  Two days ago God allowed me to give a man a piece of my heart that I thought I would just keep buried forever.  I was refusing to be hurt by anyone ever again.  I had let go of the pain and freed myself from self-pity but I was not ready to let anyone love me again.  I was  one scared little girl giving that part of me up.  I was trusting God do much in that moment of time, little did I know what He had in store for me once I just let go.

This morning as coffee is brewing and I am contemplating how this day will pan out, John takes me in his arms and dances with me ever so gently.  I am uneasy as I feel a weakness come over me.  I hold back in fear on not being able to dance well.  Then in a sudden moment as he is singing to my soul and drinking in my spirit through his eyes, he grabs my face and pours in to me more love than I could have ever imagined.  As he holds my face to his he begins to speak to that little girl in me, “Come to Life!  Come to Life!  Come back to Me.”

God was speaking to me through this amazing man of God and I was finally able to let go of the fear and let joy come back.  Since this man, John, has been in my life, I have become so free in love.  I thought I would never attain this level of love again in this lifetime.  I had been content to spend the rest of my life just seeking God and not being loved back by any human being like God loves me.  This morning in a moment of dancing and a calling back to life, I let go, I let it ALL go and as I poured out my tears, God filled me with more love than I could handle.

I feel free again.  As I was rendered speechless on that kitchen dance floor this morning I am able to dance in the rain again.  I am able to be who God created me to be and in the process so is John.  What happened this morning was truly a God moment for both of us, for you see, there is a little boy in John that needs the same love and acceptance that my little girl does and I intend with the power of God in me to call him back to life as well.

Are you ready to let your inner child come out?  Will you allow God to give you what you need before your wants?

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