Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God, and keep the vows you made to the Most High.
Yesterday I spoke of God’s provison and how sometimes we cannot see the value of it because we are thinking of something better, not adequate for provision. As I explained in the last blog, God separated me from the disaster I was living in and yet I had questions as to how I was going to make it by myself. I stood there bewildered as they took my husband from the emergency room where he had won the battle for his life, into a room where he had a round the clock nurse to watch him and then the next day he was admitted to a psych ward. I thought to myself, okay, God has him right where He needs him to be, He is gonna fix him and we will be back together in no time. Boy was I wrong….
Four days later the psych ward called me to let me know my husband was going to be released and wanted me to make arrangements for picking him up. What? I was just visiting him yesterday and he made me leave because I would not sneak pills in for him, how could they possibly be letting him go? I prayed and counseled and God clearly needed me to stay separated which meant I had to get an order of protection against my own husband. I cried myself to sleep that night and through the sobs I cried out to God and screamed and blamed. I could not understand what was going on.
I knew we could not be placed back together yet because my enabler personality would take over and soon we would be right back in the same place we were before, hell on earth. I knew God had bigger plans for me and I also believed God was going to restore my marriage, so why was I so upset? Why could I not be thankful for the separation, the chance to change, the chance to be who I was designed to be? Why? Because I wanted instant gratification. I wanted my family to be whole and serving God overnight. I wanted more than God could possibly give me in a snap of His fingers.
Now as it has been three years time and I am still waiting, I am at peace with separation. I have come to the understanding that restoration does not just hinge on God moving in and making things happen, it really rests on willing hearts and even though I was willing to give it all up in surrender, my husband was not. As I find peace in this revelation I now look back on the moment of separation as one of the best days of my life instead of the worst. I now can thank God for all that has conspired and I am grateful for His provision.
If it had not been for that suicide attempt on my daughters 15th birthday, I would not have written two books, been promoted at work or have a new house right around the corner. I would not be as close to God as I am now and I would still be swallowed up by the thoughts of an addict without and hope for a future. God is good! God is faithful and even when we may not understand what He is doing, I assure, He does!
Tomorrow: How to be joyful, thankful and happy in your circumstances