Cutting the Tie

Matthew 19:8
He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.

Today, I am blogging something the Holy Spirit has been poking at me about since Saturday night.  I know that testimonies change lives and that if we would only begin as a church body to share more of our lives with people, God could do greater good in the earth.  What I am about to write is personal and heavy, I just felt I should put that warning out there.  Okay, with that said, here we go.  Marriage is important to God.  It is a sacred relationship between one man and one woman.  We are to seek God first when searching for  a mate and as I now counsel young men and women alike, start a list of what you want in a mate and submit it to God.  Stick to the list, never compromise. God has a plan for your life and it is up to you to trust He will connect you with just the right person.

So many times in the recent separation, people have asked me about divorce.  Why are you still waiting?  Why are you not legally separated?  Why have you not started the divorce proceeding?  I know those persons ask out of love and just want what is best for me, however to stay Biblical and until God speaks to me and releases me, divorce is not the answer.  Yes it has been over two years.  Yes I get frustrated that I sometimes still got stuck with unpaid bills from him, but God always provides.  Yes I sometimes get tired of waiting, yet I am content in my circumstances.  I would not have grown so close to God at this point if He wasn’t the only one in my life that I am clinging to.

Now, when God caused the separation between my husband and I, He made it VERY clear we were not to have any contact.  No emails, no texting, no phone calls and certainly no face to face encounters.  We were both addicted to each other whether we could see it or not and God knew that bond needed to be broken in order for each of us to heal.  the first year was really tough.  We have two children so I THOUGHT I needed to communicate things concerning the children so I would text my husband.  I wanted to make sure he knew my expectations so I emailed him a few times.  When he called I thought to myself, I need to answer this, what if he is coming back to the Lord or got a job or just needs to tell me something important.  When he texted I felt the same way, what ifs bounded in from everywhere and God was trying to protect me from this but my flesh was so unwilling.

Finally about a year ago, right before I began going to the revival, I received that last text I ever read from my husband, since then I have been very good about deleting voicemails and texts.  I was hurt so deeply by what I read in a simple text that I finally understood what God was protecting me from.  The text simply said, “When you are done playing church, text me and see if I am still waiting for you.”  Cut me like a knife, I cried so long over that.  God gives us specific direction in our lives so that we will be protected from the ploys of the enemy and so often we choose to ignore the situation and the warnings and just keep doing what we want to do, often being hurt is the end result.

Just a few days ago, I was a prophetic mentoring class at my church.  After some soaking music time, prayer and a lesson, the floor is open to those who need personal prayer.  Five chairs are placed in the altar and we are invited to sit if we need someone to pray over us.  I was called up front to pray over another lady and as it was finished, a man looked at me and told me I needed to sit.  Nope, I was fine where I was, did not feel as though I needed any prayer that night, however he was pretty stern about it so I sat.  Some two hours later, there I was: no makeup left from all the tears, filled with joy, had forgiven some people in my life and dealt with some bitterness issues along with some healing for my lungs.  God sure knew what He was doing and I was just ready to go home and continue resting in Him, however, Satan had other plans for the rest of the evening.

As always I check my cell phone before leaving and found I had 4 messages…..all from my husband.  Now he has not tried to contact me in quite some time, except for his aunt passing just recently.  I knew in my heart, though to the human I eye this looked like it could be an urgent matter, that this was merely an attack.  The joy I had just received from God that night through intense prayer, Satan wanted to steal away so quickly.  I handed my phone to my friend who was with me and asked her to delete all the messages.  As she did I calmly walked the isles of the church in prayer and not allowing this to ruin what God has just filled me with.  In the end my friend tells me I need to send one more email to my husband.  Um, God, what about the no contact rule?  Did that change?  So I asked her to be sure about this and she ended up calling me before I got home asking me to give her the email because she was the one who was to send it!

God is good.  He watches over us and when He does something that we just don’t understand at the moment, if we are following in obedience, then we know it is for our own good and we just have to trust.  As I was walking the isles a vision came to me about divorce.  What if when people divorced, they had to come before God?  Sort of reenacting the marriage but starting at the altar first instead of the outside of the church.  Would this stop some divorces?  Would this give God the opportunity to change hearts?  I certainly would love to be a part of Divorce Ceremonies if I knew God could change lives through it.  Can you imagine inviting you family and friends to a Divorce Ceremony?  How much more difficult would it be to walk away?  Now I know there are all kinds of reasons for divorce and even Biblical there are exceptions, however I am really speaking about those couples who have been faithful to each other but have just somehow lost that love and are thinking they made the wrong choice and now just want out of the marriage.

I bought a purity ring to wear while I am separated (my wedding rings were smashed by my husband one night in a fit of rage) and this ring serves two purposes:  one it keeps me honest and two it shows that I am already taken.  I have no desire to begin a relationship with any other man for any reasons.  I am not lonely, God is my husband for the time being.  I know God is at work on my behalf as well as my husbands.  In the mean time God is teaching me how to heal and is working to show my husband what he needs to learn as well.  In closing, just know that God loves you right where you are at and He knows you will make mistakes but He is a just God and one who easily forgives.  I trust Him with my life and I know He only desires good for me.  I pray you come to this same understanding and embrace your marriage for what God intended it to be.  If you are single and looking, make your list and stick to it.  If you have been broken by human love, seek God.

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9 thoughts on “Cutting the Tie”

  1. Love you, Brenda. I know just the “separated” girlfriend to share this msg with! She’s had those same struggles and doesn’t have anyone that understands what she is hearing from the Lord. I am certainly going to pass this on to her! Bless you, sister! I love you!!!

    1. I pray your friend can “glean what God has to say to her from my words. It is not an easy road to be on, however I know in my heart of hearts God is in control and He loves us all dearly. Be Blessed and I love you too!!!

  2. Thank you Brenda……Going threw same thing only for 8 years with a divorce….Standing in silence but he is not call’s everyday and stops by to bring wood and totally dependent on him financialy…..How do I do this when he takes care of my bills….would love to not see or talk to him as he has OW whom he left for…..Hard when he is your caretaker finanicaly….Any inspiritation?…God Bless you my Sister and much love coming your way……

    1. Your situation seems to be a bit in a cycle of codependency. My advice would be to seek Godly counsel. Do you have someone who you trust? Are you going to church, is there a person there who can direct your path? The only true inspiration I can give you is that God loves you and I am sure this is not what He intends for your life. A step out in faith is the first step and seeking someone you trust is doing that. Do you have a Facebook? If so we should become friends and then we can inbox message. Be blessed and do what is right by God and He will keep you sheltered.

      1. Yes, I believe you are my friend on fb and have been through David.
        I read your posts all the time. I do go to Church but my prayer partner of two years choose another life style that I can’t do. So I have been pretty much on my own for a while. I just joined my new Church and have taken two classes. Met some woman who wanted me to join the singles group but I believe I am to Stand for my marriage. I changed Churches after 12 years as I needed to grow more in the Lord. Now a days there are not many people who believe in standing for God’s Promises hopefully the Lord will bring someone here where I live a long my path. Thank you for getting back to me. Your Inspiration is Amazing and I know is all from Our King….Blessings and much love….Tina

      2. Tina, plz know you can contact me any time. I usually am here at least once a day, never gone more that 2 unless I am participating in a teen weekend. I will begin to pray for some Godly person to step into your life and remove you from the situation. If your ex-husband is not a threat, then getting an order of protection will not help, but if there is any fear of any kind then maybe this is the answer. I had one for 9 months from my husband and it was one of the hardest things I ever did but it laid the ground work for what we have now. Yes I had to get a deadbolt on my door. No I do not answer the phone if it is a number I do not know, I never know if he is on the other end. But despite these things, I do not live in fear for I know God is right there with me! I am praying for you sister and please do not hesitate to inbox me on FB, I may not have all the answers, but I know for sure God does and I can offer up prayer! Be Blessed!

  3. My Sweet Brenda, my husband is not a threat he is the most kind, loving, caring man I have met here on earth. His drinking and the bar and his harley took him away from home all the time. I would not go to the bars with him or ride with him as he drank. You see just when I get ready to shut the door he is here. He just brought me a load of wood and un-did my swamp cooler as it is suppose to snow tonight. Had a cup of tea with me then left. Then called. I have been getting such mixed messages for 8 years now. He is so very good to me but stays with the OW. He has started praying daily and doing devotional by Rick Renner, Sparkling Gems, he in fact bought me the book so we could read the same devotional even though he is across town. If he didn’t care so much it would be a lot easier. My first husband beat me almost to death, I am truly lucky to be alive, we have two children, and I have no contact with him at all. But Kerry is kind I believed the enemy saw an open door with the drinking and riding his bike and took hold. He has recently quit drinking as his health could not take it anymore. I know that I know that the Lord has plans for us but he is in so deep with her he does not no how to get out. Thank you for your prayers you just wouldn’t believe how wonderful it is to talk to someone who understands. God Bless you my Sister…God is so good he led me to you…..Love, Tina

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